Day 123
April 5th, 2023-
I remember December 3rd like it was yesterday. I spent the whole day in contact with him, showing him my practice animations and telling him about my songs. It seemed like a special day. There were multiple parades that day, even a firework show at night. The last time I talked to him was 5:46pm that day. I haven't heard a word since.
I played him a bit of a song, I called it "Black Hearted Boy." He seemed to take a liking to it. Maybe it's because it was about him. I strummed so gracefully, I smiled with every gentle lyric. We were apart, yes, but something still burned on that day. Perhaps it was just the excitement of the day. Maybe it was the horror of the night.
I hadn't heard from him in 4 hours. I came to the settlement of him just being busy. I left it at that. I continued animating and caressing my necklace. Something I held dear to me was a vile with red liquid flowing inside. It was my last connection I had with him. Of course, he had my hoodie and my ring, but this possession was something I shared with him. I no longer have him or the necklace.
My parents were big Christians. Not big in size, but big in their religious foolery. They paid no mind to their child's feelings, only their understanding of the Bible and their respect of it. They only ever had a problem when it came to expression. Everything about me was loud. They turned a blind eye to it for a while, giving me little hints to stay in their good graces. "Crystal necklaces are satanic. Fishnets are for hookers. What if Jesus saw that?" Whatever else. This part was annoying. Usually I ignored my parents, but they had their ways of getting my attention and possibly losing any ounce of respect I have left.
Mother kept calling me that night. Needing this and that. I hadn't retired from my previous outfit I wore earlier in the day when my father took me to my gig. I stayed with the goofy beanie, vampire shirt, and flannel. I hesitated to take off the centerpiece, it didn't feel right to. I should have.
Mother grabbed me by the necklace. Asking what it was, what it means, what's in it. I had no correct answers. It meant nothing, I didn't know what was in it. All I knew was that I bought it for me and him. Was I going to tell Mother that? No. She took the necklace and said she would talk with me later.
I cried that night. That's what I did for hours and days. I tried to text him, but he never answered. Comfort was nowhere to be found.
He was nowhere to be found.
I texted him the next day. Nothing. I thought maybe he needed a break. I knew he went through a lot. I could sense it. I gave him space when he needed it. I embraced him when I could. When he was still tangible, he would hug me every time he saw me. That was a sweeter part of life. However, it is no longer apparent.
The world works based on relevance and power. He played no major role in his position so the world never saw him, but I saw him. I knew him. I know his family and friends saw him as well. The news, the public they would never see him.
Days passed. December 3rd, 4th, 5th and basically the whole week seemed like a blur. Not a word from him. I decided to do some research of my own. I texted his other friends, seeing if they heard anything. It seemed as the day dimmed when they all responded with no.
I began going to every event, hoping to find him. Not many events took place after his absence. I finally decided to call a conference with his mom.
His mom. The coolest person I've ever met in my entire lifetime. Bold, kind, and awesome. She would be honest about his disappearance. Yet, my heart dropped when I heard the news. My blood went cold, I felt a lump in my throat. I was frozen still. I mustered up enough squeaks to communicate. "I'm sorry, their must be a misunderstanding. Did you say he's missing?" His mom nodded, "I've been searching all week, trying to get the word out there. I've even talked to the local police. They said they would get on it, but there was nothing to reassure me of that. They told me to stop looking and let them handle it, but it seems like I've been led astray." I blinked. My eyes showed enough, my expression was that of someone whose world is falling apart. She looked at me. She looked at me with trust. Her world was gone. "Devonté," she started. "You're a smart, dependable kid, aren't you?" I nodded. "You'll bring my kid home, won't you?" I hesitated. She trusted me. What-ifs ran rapid in my head. What if I let her down? What if I can't find him? What if I can't do this? This is something you usually leave to first responders, but they are yet to respond. It could be possible that his life rests on my shoulders. The weight of his world, his existence, left to be clarified by just another kid. What was my next move? "I promise. I will do all that I can to bring your boy home." She smiled and ruffled my hair. I spent the next two hours interrogating her, getting all the information I can on him, his mental state, his mind, his being in general. I wanted to know anything about him that could help. One thing for certain, he was not well known. That would make it easier for his desertion to go unnoticed.
I think about this sequence a lot. I should give my brain a break. Besides, it's like 11 at night, I shouldn't be thinking about all of this before bed.
I sweep all of the print outs of iMessage screenshots off of me and place them on my desk. Tomorrow is a new day. I might find something new.
I put in my airpods and lay in bed.
My music plays and I begin to drift into sleep.
"I still remember, third of December..."
