Royally Messed Up

Some days are fundamentally hard and sad. When I woke up that morning I knew this would be one of them. The sun was hiding behind a thick layer of puffy clouds, and the air coming through my open window sent shivers down my spine even from beneath the covers. I could smell the oncoming rain. Or was it snow? It's only October, but you never know when The Moon will decide to sprinkle the land with her magic, sparkly dust.

I could smell something else in the cold air too. Someone was cooking breakfast, my favourite kind of meal. Why anyone would eat anything besides breakfast foods was beyond me. It as something almost ceremonial about finally getting something to eat after a long night's sleep. Mentally planning my day, I put on a simple shifters dress and an extra sweater, perfect for a simple hike in the forest.

To no one's surprise, my mother was the one cooking in our small, well stocked kitchen, while my brother and his friends sat waiting at the table talking about some fight from the night before over a pretty she-wolf from our sister-pack, ShadowBite. It didn't even cross their minds to help mom, the spoiled bastards. I set the table while listening to them argue about who had the best chance with her, my brother Damien, or Magnus, the pack's self proclaimed Don Juan. Damien obviously thought he did. He was the next in line for the Alpha position in our modest pack, and being confident came with the job. He just didn't realize you also had to be realistic, humble and listen to good advice.

My father was supposed to be next in line, but he ran out on us all when I was still a pup. I don't remember much about him, only a few mental images I didn't quite understand. This meant my grandfather was still the alpha and that my brother would have to take over sooner rather than later. A weak Alpha meant a weak pack, and Paps wasn't exactly young anymore. Thankfully, he was still in excellent shape and still held the respect of the rest of our pack.

"Kamilla? I think she's in her own little world again. Kamilla, pass me the bacon!"

I was annoyed at myself for drifting into "my own little world" when I was supposed to be helping, and annoyed at Damien for being to lazy to get his own damn meat. Did I mention I was a vegetarian? That was one of the reasons my pack saw me as weak. And just to prove them right, I obediently passed the hot pan with freshly cooked bacon, neatly placing it on the table in front of them. My mom gave me a grateful smile.

Damien never said thanks. Or even gave an acknowledging nod. He just assumed we were all his servants, and my mom, sweet as she was, never schooled him. No, Damien was the golden boy, the next BlackForest Alpha, the Moon's own favourite on earth. I gave an involuntary snort.

"What was that, Cam?" Damien asked. Oh, he loved an opportunity to chastise me.

"Nothing."

"That's right, you're nothing, get out of my sight," he said.

Out of his sight? My favourite kind of order. But I couldn't help feeling hurt that my mother didn't speak up to have me stay with them.

Pick your battles, Kamilla, he's not worth it. At least I got to keep my pancakes, that sounds like a win to me.

I took my precious prize outside, away from the stank of stupid brother, to eat amongst the sweet scents of pine and, well, rain, a welcome change from the smell of wet dog oozing from my brother. Enjoying my meal and my own company, I took a good, long sniff... And froze.

I could smell danger. And something fantastic, which confused me, but it was mostly masked by danger and testosterone. And more danger. I swallowed the giant bite of pancake I currently had in my mouth, made the difficult decision to leave the rest of my meal, shifted to my little wolf form, and howled to alert the Warriors.

As people filled the courtyard obediently following our safety protocols the smells grew more intense, but instead of getting more afraid, I felt excited. Is this what adrenaline does to you? My place was inside the packhouse with the rest of the non-warriors, but something inside of me told me to run into the forest instead. So of course, I listened to my tummy.

I followed my gut to a small hill where I could see the packhouse clearly but that had enough bushes and trees to hide me from plain sight. My grandfather and the warriors had taken their places protectively in front of the house. Damien was standing beside the Alpha instead of right behind him as would be expected of him. Three big, black cars drove up on the drive way and huge wolves in their human form jumped out before the cars even had the time to come to a complete stop. Our warriors didn't stand a chance. We weren't really outnumbered, just outsized.

I felt it more than I saw it when their Alpha stepped out of the middle car. Don't get me wrong, I saw him clear as stars on a cloudless night, he was just as huge as the other wolves. It's just that I truly felt him with every fiber of my being. He was the pleasant smell from earlier, and now that I had seen him, I couldn't take my eyes away from him. It was as if the universe had shifted and I was no longer held here by the gravity of the earth. He had his own gravitational field, and I wanted to drown in it. But my gut wouldn't let me.

Stay and observe.

Yes, my gut could talk now. And it talked bullshit. Of course I couldn't stay here when I had just found my mate! Very few wolves ever found their true mate, I couldn't let him slip away. I started letting my new gravitational field pull me in, it would be so easy. I would follow the pull and melt into him. He would engulf me, he would protect me. He would love me, desire me, worship me. I was yanked back by another pull, and I knew it was The Moon that had been disguised as my gut. Silly little she wolf me, I had to obey The Moon.

Observe, Daughter.

Yep, definitely not my gut. So I stayed on my secluded hill, unable to stop staring at my new Star. He was truly glorious. He walked up to my grandfather, who was the only one who stood straight while everyone of our young, strong warriors bowed in submissive fear of my Star. I wanted to hear what they were saying, but The Moon had failed to give me super hearing along with the secluded-hill shackles.

Yes, I know, Goddess. Observe.

My star started walking towards where I had been eating breakfast, turning his back on the BlackForest warriors, obviously not seeing them as a threat. Did he love pancakes as much as I me, because I would be happy to share them with him. But no, he didn't eat them, only sniffed them and looked like he really enjoyed the smell. Holding up my plate he spoke to our Alpha again, and my grandfather straightened up to respond. Only to be interrupted, because out of nowhere, my brother flung himself at my Star, and my Star lifted one arm, the one not holding my pancakes, as if to slice Damien's head of with sharp claws.

Instead, he hit Paps who in an attempt to save his stupid grandson, had shifted mid leap, pushing Damien out of the way and getting his throat cut in the process. I pulled on my invisible Goddess given shackles to get to Paps and make sure he was okay, to kill Damien if he wasn't, but The Moon held me firm. My emotions were in turmoil. My mate had hurt my grandfather because of my brother, maybe even killed... No. I couldn't finish the thought. And I couldn't see Paps.

Why can't you let me see him? Angry tears spilled out of my eyes, but I could still make out my Star as he pick Damien up by his scruff like a deviant puppy and flung him away from him like the insufferable plush toy he was. While he was being held down by giant males, all the wolves from the packhouse were led outside. The adult females were separated out and presented to my Star. He was obviously looking for someone. For me. His mate. And he was quick to realise I wasn't there. He whipped his head in my direction, and I stopped breathing.

My emotions were in turmoil, hard to make sense of. Anger, helplessness, disgust... and still that tinge of excitement, that pull, the longing. But more than anything, I could feel The Moon's anger boiling alongside my own.

Run, Kamilla.

I ran.