A Rich World bogged down by Medicority

"Having played the Elder Scrolls Series from Dagger fall, I have been drawn into each new game, time and time again, eager to explore the wonders of a totally realized world. Without a doubt, Skyrim is the definitive Elder Scrolls experience, expanding upon a rich and savage land that we have come to expect from Bethesda Softworks. As an avid reader, I was immediately drawn to Matt Mundy's Skyrim Fan Fiction upon browsing inkitt's website. Furthermore, the idea of a Dragonborn without a tongue is intriguing. Unfortunately, Mundy's story does not deliver. The short excerpt seems rather shody. It's as though I were sitting behind the author and watching him play the game rather than being immersed in a living, breathing world. While I understand this is merely an excerpt to a greater piece of writing, I don't feel any desire to continue reading at this point in time. Perhaps with further practice/revisions, Matt can mold his story into some truly epic within the world of Fandom Fiction. Good luck."