Prologue
“Love is no different from the weather in Australia. Have I ever been there? No—but I’ve heard you can experience all four seasons in a single day. And for me, there was only one person who could make me feel both hell and heaven in seconds.”
It all started when I first met him during my first year of college— three years ago.
I clearly remember the weather that day. It was unusually cold although it was spring. The cherry blossom trees bloomed prettier than ever, their flowers were blown by the breeze. The streets were almost covered by them, and freshers excitedly entered the college campus.
Some guys surrounded me, cornering me in a deserted area of the school’s main building.
Their reason?
I had ranked first in every subject, wounding the ego of their friend—who came in second.
“We told you to fail the exam!” The rather round-shaped guy in the group spouted.
“Why would I fail? Just because you guys asked me too? Tell your friend to study harder and beat me if he can,” I snorted.
Even I knew it was pretty arrogant of me to say, for someone who hates fighting and a mere yellow belt in karate.
Soon, they began to jump on me. I couldn’t win against five guys alone even if I fought back.
As I lay on the ground, gasping for air, the pain unbearable, wishing I’d have simply been killed instead of being tortured—humiliated, he appeared.
He saved me from that hellish moment.
Before losing consciousness, I could simply recall his grey eyes and dark curls that framed his face before a cloth draped over my eyes. Was he trying to cover me, so that I wouldn’t need to face anyone’s pitiful eyes?
That was the day my heart beat for someone so strongly for the first time in my life.
Before I knew it, my gaze followed him. Subconsciously, I found myself everywhere he was.
How could I not notice him?
He had plenty of friends yet, among them, only his laughter echoed through my ears. Everyone at school adored— admired him. I knew I could never be his friend. Yet, he stayed by my side no matter how coldly I treated him.
I wondered why at first.
“Because I like to have smart friends instead of idiots. And… you are rich enough to not try to exploit me,” he replied with a bright grin on his face.
Gradually, I let my guard down, allowing him in. He became my close friend, while I was still unsure where I ranked in his life.
I have always been prideful from a young age.
I loved everything about me because there was absolutely nothing imperfect in me.
I had good looks, good physiques, good health, came from a relatively rich family and always ranked first every year during middle school and high school.
But Ji-Eun turned me into an imperfect man.
When I saw him kissing his girlfriend, my heart ached for a reason I despised admitting. It was a burning rage, mixed with a desire to be in her place as I stood next to the door, unable to move an inch.
What a ridiculous thought!
But there I was, wishing he’d kiss me and not her.
That was the day I realized— I had fallen in love with him.
A love which was no different from an illness. But I swallowed it. It blocked my throat, and squeezed my chest, leaving me gasping for air and gradually, it killed me.
Upon the realization, I ran back home and slammed the door of my room as soon as I arrived.
“What was that?! Do you no longer consider this your house?! Coming home so late and slamming the door!”
I could hear my mother screaming because of the loud noise but I couldn’t care less.
Fear gripped my heart.
I could barely breathe as my gaze fell on the nightstand next to my bed.
The only question I could ask myself was: What was wrong with me— harbouring such feelings for a man?
Sitting on the soft mattress, I picked up the framed picture of us—one I had personally taken during our summer break at the end of our first year of high school.
Putting into frames pictures I personally took meant capturing a precious moment of my life forever.
But this picture…
Before I knew it, tears streamed down my face.
It couldn’t be.
I couldn’t love a man…
Not when I was one myself.
For a long time, I stared at his photo, denying the possibility of such feelings.
But, my heart had come to terms with these feelings although my mind refused them.
I don’t need to act upon them. They could stay there and they would simply disappear with time.
Right?
