finding you

The chilly autumn air hit my face as soon as I left the quiet bookstore. The sidewalk outside clad with yellow, orange, and red as the trees started to slowly shed their leaves in preparation for winter. the weather was slowly following. Main street was empty today, albeit for the small groups of highschoolers going shopping. the winter formal was around the corner, and everyone wanted to get their dresses as soon as possible.

quietly the wind shook the trees, causing what leaves were still left to shuffle and make a soft rustling sound. listening to the soft ataractic music nature made I started walking, my footsteps adding to the sound. creating a beat that nature was almost following. it was soothing, making me want to close my eyes curl up into a ball and take a nap on the side of the sidewalk. I didn't though, seeing my unmoving car waiting for me a bit farther down the way. a few stray leaves had fallen and gotten stuck in my wipers while I was on my small trip. no problem of course, they would still work just fine. I got in the small car, listening to the door creak. the soft plush seats inside had small holes showing the yellow foam the seats were made out of. making a mental note to get seat covers I started the car. thankfully it started right away. no issues this time. Issues were normal in my old car. when my grandma passed, I got it in her 'will'. which didn't actually exist it was just my dad and his brother deciding who would get what.

I looked up at the sky, grey and gloomy. the weather had predicted a storm today, but nothing had come yet. I just hoped it would continue to subside until I got home. the drive home was luckily short. only about 7 minutes from the bookstore and 10 from the small school I went to. i lived in a spacious 2 story white house. it was nice, despite the slowly crumbling foundation. Dad kept saying he would get it looked at, but everyone knew it wasn't happening. at least not for a couple years. he was a busy man now more than ever. one of the only bartenders in town he barely got days off, compared to his last job. his longtime friend Henry owned the only bar in town; he gave him a job when Dad lost his last one. the layoffs had gotten to him, the small school claiming they had one too many bus drivers. in reality though they just needed more money. "Loyalty clearly means nothing to that god damned school! I stayed for 24 years and never asked for a raise or nothin'. But I was the one who got layed off not that good for nothing new hire Trent." I replayed the spiel dad often ended up going on in my head. no doubt the bar patrons had heard it as well.

i pulled into our dirt driveway with ease. we didn't have a garage not that we needed one. the only person who would have used it was dad and clearly, he wasn't home enough to do that. I felt soft pellets of rain land on me as I got out of my car. grabbing the book i had just gotten I made a slight jog for the door. the rain wouldn't do any real damage at this rate, but my book was new. I didn't want anything to happen to it. as I got inside, I was immediately hit with the smell of spaghetti. Mom was in the kitchen cooking, shit. it was rare to see her at home now with her working the night shift at the hospital. one of few nurses, plus she was constantly getting called in. recently bears had been attacking people so there were more injuries to treat. she had been a nurse for 12 years now, but her shifts had only been crazy for the last few months.

I took my shoes off placing them next to the door as quietly as I could. Mom and I weren't on the best terms right now. don't get me wrong I love my mom to death, but she was constantly nagging about going to college now that I was a senior. I wanted to open my own bookstore, but she claimed college would be more important than a bookstore that 'was sure to go downhill'. her words. "Jenna?" she called. god damn it I closed the door too loud. "yeah" I replied trying not to sound as disgruntled as I felt. I didn't want to talk. she was just going to bring up college applications and start telling me unwanted recommendations. "I'm making spaghetti, want to help?" clearly trying to goad me into a conversation that we both knew would just lead to college. "Actually, I just bought a new book. I think I'm just going to start it. can you call me when it's done?" she didn't reply but that was okay just made the trip to my room easier. it was on the second floor right across from the stairs. not huge or tiny I liked to think of it as quaint or livable. I sat on the double bed that was in the corner causing the 3 pillows and the small duck stuffed animal I had lying on it to bounce slightly. setting the book i just bought on the white desk i had next to the bed I layed down. grabbing the duck i had named pepperoni stick, curling up into a ball with him. I made sure not to go under the purple and brown quilt I had laying on my bed, knowing I would fall asleep. I shifted my head, looking up to see outside the window that was placed above the desk. the rain was falling heavier now, but it wasn't a storm by any means. it made a soft pattering sound outside the window. I closed my eyes and listened to it, slowly deciding I should light a candle.

there was one on my desk already, halfway burnt through. the wax inside was light brown with a wooden wick. i liked the quiet crackling sound it made. the glass case around it was clear with printing on it that read vanilla bean caramel. it was simple but nice. a classic, grabbing the small grey lighter I had sitting next to the candle I lit it. watching as the flames came to life and started dancing, echoing their music through my walls. I looked at the book I had just bought that was sat unmoving. about to open it and start reading I hard my mom call my name. dinner was ready, heading downstairs I blew out my candle. as I got down I heard a child's voice below me "slow poke" he said in a teasing way. I looked down to see Liam, who was sticking his tongue out at me. He was my nephew, My older sister's kid. When she graduated high school, she was turning 19 already. which made her feel like she was more than mature enough to run away with her boyfriend Kyle, who was a douche. Mom and Dad tried to stop her obviously, but it hadn't worked. she fell hard into drugs quickly with him. when she was about to turn 20 she found out she was pregnant. that was the turning point that made Lindsey want to get clean. She dumped Kyle, got into rehab and had Liam. she managed to stay clean while pregnant but quickly relapsed soon after, the postpartum depression definitely got to her. Mom had given her an ultimatum as soon as she found out, telling her she had to go to rehab and quit this or else they would take Liam. Shes been in and out of rehab for 2 years now. Liam clearly doesn't know where she is, just that Shes okay.

"Hey Jenna sweetie, I need you to watch Liam. I got called into work, another bear attack." i looked at mom who was already putting on her shoes and her shoulder length blonde hair into a small claw clip. "I can do that. be safe." I replied as I watched her scurry out the door into the rain. turning around I looked at Liam. "So... what should we do after we eat mister?" he giggled as I picked him up and placed him on the chair. "Park!" I looked outside, the rain seemed to be clearing up. "Okay if the rain clears up, we can do that." I turned grabbing Liams small blue plastic plate. it was divided into sections like a normal child's plate. putting spaghetti in the biggest section and corn in one of the smaller ones I set it aside to make my own. Same thing just without the sectioned plate. placing Liam's dinner Infront of him I sat down in the chair next to his. "Yay!!" he squealed immediately digging in. I wish I had that much enthusiasm about food.

-

Liam finished his food before me somehow. i watched him eat the last bite and clumsily get out of his chair. making his way to the sink that was just a few feet too tall. he reached up getting on his tippy toes before noisily dropping his plate in the sink. Mom said to let him do all that by himself so he can learn how to be a 'big boy'. "Jenna. tv?" he was a boy of few words, and the words he did say were filled with ws. it sounded more like jenwa twee vee. I got up and turned the tv on for him, putting spongeblorb on for him. before grabbing my plate and putting it in the sink. While Liam was comfortably sat on the couch watching his show I did the dishes. scraping off what I didn't eat of my pasta in the trash. Liam managed to get through 3 episodes by the time I was done with the dishes and putting away leftovers. I walked into the living room, half expecting Liam to have fallen asleep. to my surprise though he was fully awake, looking outside the window where there was no rain to be seen. he looked at me knowing I know what he wanted. "Alright come on stinker butt lets go get you changed, and we can go to the park." he jumped off the couch and ran upstairs. my parent's room was next to mine, and Liam stayed in there temporarily.

as i got upstairs he already had his jacket on and was struggling to put his rain boots on. mostly because he had no socks. "Alright silly, let me help you." I smiled as he let go and let me put his socks and boots on. I grabbed his hand leading his to my room where he promptly jumped on my bed and sat down. letting his feet hang. I grabbed my jacket and put it on, picking up Liam and setting him on the floor. I grabbed a hat, and we left my room. making our way downstairs. where Liam darted Infront of me and tried to open the door. it was locked of course but it was a nice try. I unlocked and opened it for him, grabbing his hand so he didn't dart off again. we made our way outside getting into my old car. Mom put Liams car seat in when she left, i buckled him in and started the drive to the park. it was only 4 minutes away, about 10 on foot so, it was nice when Liam wanted to go to the park and not school or a friend's house. we got there quick, seeing it was decently busy for a rainy day. there were 4 other cars and around 5 kids on the small playground that sat in the middle of the green park. the forest behind the park was moving slowly from the wind, making a quiet whooshing sound. i got out making my way around the car for Liam, who was bouncing excitedly in his seat.

"Calm down kiddo I can't unbuckle you." I laughed at him as he attempted to stop moving. i picked him up and put him down and watched as he darted for the park. "don't go too far Liam. stay on the playground!" I shouted after him. putting my hands in my jacket pockets i looked at the other people here. there was a middle-aged couple, a grandma, and a kid who looked around my age. they turned their head as i was looking, maybe i was staring too hard. i looked away but saw them start to walk over out of my prereferral vision.

"yo." i looked to my side to see a guy standing there. he was around 2.5 feet taller than me roughly and his hazel eyes stared down at me. his shaggy black hair slightly covered his face as he tilted his head down slightly to look at me. "Uh hey." looking away and replying, not knowing if i should apologize for staring. "Is he yours?" confused I looked at him again. "What?" he stared at me harder "the kid." I felt my eyebrows raise slightly. did I look that old? "Oh my god no. I'm 17. in high school." I made sure to enunciate that I was a high schooler. "Oh, okay cool. your little brother than I'm assuming?" "Nephew actually. older sisters kid." he made a sound with his mouth closed, like he was enjoying something. "Your responsible for him though right." i nodded. was this guy dense? of course i was who else would be. suddenly i watched him point to the playground. "Well then where is he." I turned my head looking at the playground.

it was empty.