Ruby's Desire

I’m Dead.

I don’t know how and when I died. I only remember my Name and have roughly 37 years’ worth of memories.

So, if I can’t remember how or when I died, how do I know that I’m dead?

Simple, God told me. From one Moment to the next, I just knew that I was dead and that God told me. But who or what is God?

God is me and everyone else who died. God is an amalgamation of Souls, all temporarily bound together by their Desire to be with each other and understood. From afar, it looks like a Massive Swarm of Bees. Some are faster, some slower, some are as bright as a distant Star, while others are like dim reflections. Many Souls are floating around in this expanse of Nothingness who aren’t jet part of God, have just arrived, are leaving, or never wanted to be part of God, to begin with.

Where are the Souls leaving to? Why didn’t all Souls wish to be part of God?

Again, when these questions appeared in my Mind, they were immediately answered. The Fleeting Souls were leaving to begin their new Life. They were about to reincarnate and were waiting for the following Life to be born. Some of you might wonder why your Soul chose your Life. Wasn’t it filled with Misery?

But they weren’t able to choose. By joining God’s embrace, they were stripped of their Desire, Memories, and Knowledge until only the Desire to live was left. They no longer cared about Misery and suffering. They just wanted to live. That was also the reason why some had yet to join.

They were afraid to lose their Memories to lose themselves.

But God wouldn’t force them to Join. Regardless of what God would do, they would lose their Desire, Memories, and Knowledge over Time. They would fade into Nothingness, never to be remembered. But God also couldn’t force them. Even the most minor and most insignificant Soul can choose not to join. This deeply Pained God as well. I could feel it. All Souls were born from God. God considers all of them part of itself, as Family. God hoped they would eventually join them so the Souls would stop being lonely. They could show God their memories so they would not be forgotten. After being stripped of themselves, their desire to live would become so strong that they could reincarnate and be reborn.

But what do I want to do?

I did not want to lose Myself like the lonely Souls. Nor do I want to give up my Memories. I dread the decisions I would make. But I do not hate or fear God. Because hating God would be like hating and fearing everyone. We were all God at one point in our Lives and would all return one Day.

I would hate and fear Myself.

Would I become like the Souls who never join, forever floating through Nothingness?

This isn’t what I desire. But what is my Desire?

I desire to begin a new life with my memories and hold onto my wish that I could not fulfill in my last life. I may find a way to achieve my Wish in this new Life. Thinking of my Wish excited me, and my Soul flickered in a small Light. When the Light ended, God told me the actual Strength of Desire. So, what is Desire? And in what way is it different from craving your favorite Food or wanting Money, a new Car, or... other things?

Simple Desire isn’t different from a simple want, need, or craving. It is just a difference in Strength. And in this Place in the Realm of God, a strong Desire can change everything. If your Desire is strong enough, you could even become God or be more significant than God. But that is a challenging Feat.

A Soul has to be solely focused on their desire to achieve it. Some of you might think that is easy, but only a select few Soul have achieved their goal. Many stop halfway and take stopgaps when fulfilling their Desire, or they take too long and lose too much of themselves to fulfill their Desire the way they intended.

They become corrupted.

This process leads to creating what most Humans would call a Demon. Due to their Desire being fulfilled in a flawed way, Demons are often very Unstable. Not only emotionally, due to losing a lot of themselves, such as their reasoning and empathy, but also magically. This results in them vanishing into Nothingness in just a few days when they are reborn on Planets, which don’t have a lot of Magic Power.

But why are Demons and Magic believed to be fairy tales or folklore on Earth?

Earth is a World with an abysmal amount of Magic Power. It is so tiny that soul-bearing creatures can’t even use Magic. And if you can’t use it, you can’t find or build things to detect it.

Because of all those reasons, most Souls, even those who haven’t decided yet, eventually join God’s Embrace. Because the other options are too risky. God even allows souls to postpone their Process of reincarnation until they meet certain souls, such as friends, lovers, and family members. Sounds like a good deal, right?

Well, maybe for most, but not for me. Sure, I love my Family and would love to meet them again, but there is Nothing I want to tell them. Does that sound weird to you? Well... okay, I’m embarrassed. Since I haven’t achieved anything really, I died at the Age of 37, with no kids, and as a Virgin, I felt Defeated. They had achieved so much more at such a young age, and I had Nothing. I just had An Apartment that ate half of my shitty salary, which had become more of a Mancave than much else.

I had a few Suicidal thoughts, but after some time, I started to value my Life. Simply because all of us only had one, and I wanted to see as much as possible

And a bit of Spite.

I don’t want to join God for all those reasons and others I won’t mention. At most, I would like to leave a message that I Loved them. Without them, I would have likely died much earlier.

And with all those things out of the way, I simply focused on my Desire.

Simply, My Ass!

It took ages until my Desire began to grow. The more my Desire grew, the more I shone in a brighter and brighter light. But this would take too long. I would have faded away before even coming close to my Desire.

With Time, I learned more and more through the Information that other souls and God had told me. I even learned about the origin of God and the origin of souls. The first Soul did not know where it came from, nor did it care. It only cared about one thing: not to be alone anymore. Why did the first Soul feel lonely even though it has never seen or met anyone or anything? It did not know the answer to all those questions. They just wanted to have someone to share their thoughts and their loneliness. They tried to be Together. And then, one day, another Soul was born through this Desire.

Finally, it was not alone anymore. This is how God was created. The first Soul, through Nothing but their Desire. With Time, the first two Souls created more and more Souls until even that Process became almost second nature to them. The first Soul desired someone just like them, which explains why they have the same abilities. It also desired to share Information with the second Soul and to remember. It wanted to have a conversation. And just through the Desire for closure, the Desire to talk with someone God was created.

That puts things into perspective.

So, Essentially, I’m trying to become a God right now just through the Power of my Desire. How can all the Lonely Souls even believe they could do it? It is beyond me. But perhaps they are just as crazy and stubborn as I am.

And with that, I waited, and I desired more and more. The Light of my Soul was almost all gone. I was about to fade away as if I never existed. And then, finally, right before it was too late against all Odds, I had a Breakthrough.

A Massive Wave of Incandescent Light flooded the Realm of God and enveloped everything in it. For a Second, God’s entire Realm was filled with blinding white Light, and after it faded away, I was gone.