Preface
Welcome, children.
You've all proved yourself worthy of Heaven.
No good deed goes unpunished after all.
It should be easy.
I remind myself again and again.
It should be easy and you should be smiling.
Mom's words ring louder even when all I want to do is cry or fall apart right here. Not that anyone will notice my teary eyes since it's raining and I'm soaked to the bone. It's as if even nature wants to punish me.
You thought you can forget that quickly, huh? What a joke.
The worse thing is, this isn't even the first time I tried to come back. Last week I got dressed and asked mom to bring me to school. I can still remember her looking at me like she was looking at a ghost. I tried smiling then, talking about stupid things I wanted to do on the next break and she eventually let me pretend that everything was ok. And for a while it was. I talked to the principal, I let her hook me up with a counselor until I saw...
him
and every improvement I had made in the last few weeks went out of the window before I could even take another step.
Today is supposed to be different.
Today I'm supposed to be stronger.
"Just shake it off like Mrs. said." I can barely hear my own words or believe them but stretching my mouth to mimic a weak smile gives me something to do. I have no idea how else to gather myself together. Cursing, I quickly walk into the building to avoid being seen standing in the rain like a loser.
"Hey, Kaya."
"Hey."
"Heard the news. I'm so sorry."
"Yeah."
"How are you holding up?"
"I'm okay."
Each step there are more questions from people until I find the usual crew in the hallways. Even Knox and Achilles are there with Trev but no Ruby. I would have sent Will a text next but he's been shipped off to a boarding school in England without so much of a goodbye.
The universe was still working against me after all.
I can always talk to Trev though. The other two usually leave me to my thing so it shouldn't be harder to go to them right now. But they leave me alone because Ruby is there to be a buffer between all of us. But today she isn't. Today a lot of things aren't going my way. Like they are supposed to call me Ruby's bitch to make fun of our friendship since she is not here yet. But today they are staring at me, talking between themselves, judging? No. They can't know. No one did. Mom made sure of that. Taking a deep breath, I send Ruby a text.
This rain just doesn't stop, I look like a total rat.
And the assholes are here. Help!
When the first two get ignored, I send the third one with the hope that this one will get me an answer.
If I did something wrong, I'm sorry. I can't face everyone without your bitchy ass by my side. Please.
As always, she doesn't answer. It's so painfully obvious that she's ignoring me and all I want to do is go back to everything we did to this day to find anything that gives me an idea of what really happened. We were fine, weren't we?
So why?
Quickly pulling out a second uniform from the locker, I pause once I see Trev's eyes on me. It lights up in joy and I can't hide any longer. I watch him come closer with that beautiful smile on his face and I don't even run.
"Hey."
"Hey, you." The words come out as a squeak but he's used to it.
"Shit, Kaya! Were you standing in the rain or something?"
"Or something." I shrug, clearing my throat to acknowledge the truth. "Hey. I'm sorry. I saw the messages you left. I know you think I'm avoiding you-"
He's quick to shake his head. "It's ok! I heard the news, Kaya. I'm so sorry. I should have gone to the funeral but it happened at a time...I heard you weren't in town either?"
Yeah, that's what mom made everyone believe.
"Something like that."
"If you want to skip, we can skip." He says it so suddenly and so out of the blue that I don't know whether to laugh or stay frozen in shock. Trevor Miller just doesn't skip school. Not even when he's sick.
It takes me a minute to answer him. "I-I am ok. There's no need. I was just wondering if you have seen or talked to Ruby recently?"
"Ruby?" There's a frown on his face. "Yeah. She went to talk to Jo. Speaking of, you must have heard about his-"
"I don't care!"
He looks shocked at the sudden outburst. "What? I thought you'd be more understanding since you both..."
"Kaya."
Speak of the devil.
I turn around to see Ruby and Johan side by side, almost touching hands. Where Johan looks high out of his mind, not even caring that it's me standing right there; Ruby just looks pissed and her eyes look puffy like she was crying or something.
What the hell?
"Can you be any more pathetic?" She spits out much to my shock.
"Not even going to say a word, huh, Park? Pretend to care about your
best
friend?" I have never seen her this angry and I don't know how to react when she slams my locker door shut with a bang. "God! It hurts to think that I actually thought you were someone I can trust. You-how could you not warn me? Why the fuck did you stay silent all this time? Just why!?"
"Is it because of him?" For a fleeting second, I catch Johan's empty stare. It has to be, right? Otherwise, I have no idea what she's talking about. "Did he say something-"
"Wow, I tell you about me and you go straight to blame someone else. Classic Kaya. Blame Johan. Blame the weather. Blame your dad-" I don't even realize raising my hands until it's too late. Until there's a red print on her pale face. Until Trev is looking at me like he doesn't know me at all.
No.
I'm supposed to be fixed by now.
Not bitter.
And never jealous of how Johan doesn't even blink once.
