Love or Death (A Blastoff!… Legend)

‘Knock knock.’

“Who’s there?”

“Knock knock.”

“Knock knock who?”

“Knock knock knock.”

“So your last name’s knock too?”

“Yes indeed! I am Knock Knock Knock! Now let me in!”

“Sorry, Knock Knock Knock, but that ain’t gonna happen!”

“Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house down!”

“Yikes!” I thought, “It’s that big bad wolf again!”

Out loud, I said, “Didn’t anybody ever teach you to take no for an answer? And I know that you’re Big Bad Wolf, and not Knock Knock Knock!”

“Isn’t a big bad wolf allowed to have a nickname? I mean, geez, this isn’t an either/or, it’s a both/and! I’m Big Bad Wolf AND Knock Knock Knock!”

“Okay, I’m glad that we cleared that part up, but what about the other question?”

“What other question? And why should I answer questions that my future food asks anyway?”

“The question was whether anybody ever taught you to take no for an answer! And I don’t know why you’d answer questions that someone who you want to gobble up asks, but you’ve been answering some of them already.”

“I suppose I have, haven’t I? And don’t think that I didn’t notice that you switched ‘future food’ to ‘someone who I want to gobble up’! This isn’t just something that I want, Food! This is something that is 100% certain to happen!”

“How about a bet then? If you manage to gobble me up within the next year then I owe you a million bucks, but if you don’t manage to gobble me up within the next year then you owe me a million bucks!”

“You’re not going to be able to pay me a million bucks if you’re gobbled up, you nitwit! That’s a ridiculous bet! And you wouldn’t even be able to pay me a million bucks if I didn’t gobble you up! I mean, if you had a million bucks then I’d just let you give me that and then I’d leave you alone and let you live!”

“Oh, so now rich folks can buy their freedom, but poor folks get gobbled up! That’s bigotry!, Knock Knock Knock!”

“Why would I care if it is bigotry? I want a million bucks more than I want a meal. That’s pretty simple, and so let’s not try to make it complicated!”

“Oh, and you still never answered my question about whether anyone ever taught you to take no for an answer, and so are you going to answer the question or keep on changing the subject.”

“I didn’t change the subject, I pointed out that you were switching words around! But, sure, I’ll bite! Hahahahaha! Get it? I’ll bite! Hahahahaha!”

“That’s very punny, but you STILL didn’t answer my question!”

“Right. What question was that again?”

“Whether anyone ever taught you to take no for an answer!”

“Uhhhhh, sure. My momma always told me that if I ever wanted to make little baby pups with a lovely wolf lady who I might meet then I should ask her politely and if she says no then I just politely accept her answer and move on. But you aren’t a lovely wolf lady! You’re food! There’s a big difference! I was taught to take no for an answer from a lovely wolf lady, but I wasn’t taught to take no for an answer from food! Hahahahaha! The food would just always say no!”

“And so has a lovely wolf lady ever agreed to make little pups with you?”

“None of your business, Food!”

“I’ll take that as a no… What if I were to help you find the lovely wolf lady of your dreams so that you can have pups with her? Would you let me go then? I mean, that’d be priceless! Even a million bucks wouldn’t be better than that!”

“I guess that would be worth it… Okay, Food, if you can actually find me the lovely wolf lady of my dreams who’ll want to make pups with me then I’ll let you go!”

“You got it, Big Bad Wolf! Ya know, I always knew that true love was important, but I never realized that it would end up literally saving my life!”

“We shall see if true love saves your life or not, Food. You have ONE MONTH to figure out who the lovely wolf lady of my dreams might be, and if you fail then I’ll still find true love someday but you’ll just be food… Hahahahaha!”