~A Third Slice of Pizza~
“You know, that’s your third slice of pizza,” the man commented to Parker who was just about to indulge in another slice of pure heaven.
Her green eyes moved from the slice in her hand to the man sitting across the table. “So?” was her only reply.
“So, I’m letting you know that’s your third slice.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You’re letting me know?”
“Yes, I’m letting you know that’s your third slice of pizza.” He wasn’t a smart man as Parker soon discovered. He was more interested in looks and status and even scoffed at the idea of a first date taking place at the local pizzeria.
“Wow Brad, Chrissy told me you were smart. At first, I didn’t believe her, you know being friends with Jimmy and all, but you can actually count to three. Shit, I’m impressed.” Parker replied with a cross between a smirk and a grimace or as she would call it a ′skrimace’.
Then came the intense stare and an attempt to search her face for any hint of earnest in her words. His eyes roamed her face. Yes, she was pretty however Jimmy warned him about her smart mouth and attempt at humor “I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not.” He spoke calmly before taking a sip of his wine.
“Which part? The part where I said you’re smart or the part where I said I was impressed?”
There’s that smart mouth he was warned about. “That’s not what I was referring to.”
“Remind me what we were talking about?” She asked before taking a bite of her pizza
He didn’t bother hiding his contempt toward Parker when she took the bite. She on the other hand chose to ignore her date’s reaction.
They sat in silence; he with his hands folded neatly on the table before him while watching his date take another bite.
Just to poke the bear, Parker commented. “Yes siree! This is fucking great pizza!” Then as a second thought added: “Brad, how come you’re not eating? There’s plenty to go around.”
“I’ve lost my appetite,” he replied while tossing his napkin on his half-eaten slice.
Parker shrugged. “Well, more for me then!” She exclaimed and added a playful wink.
He was not amused by her antics; actually, he was quite annoyed with her behavior. Once again there was silence, with the exception of the soft moans of pleasure Parker made while continuing to demolish her third slice.
The man leaned back in his chair, eyes searching the room for anyone who might be privy to his date’s rude behavior, especially the blonde who sat at the next table over; the pretty blonde with whom he locked eyes with on more than one occasion. He discovered no one paid them any mind. That seemed to unnerve him more than provide him a hint of relief.
He turned his attention back to his date. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” she replied while slowly eating the crust.
“Do you always eat this much?”
Taking a moment to finish the remaining crust, she then picked up her napkin and daintily dabbed the sides of her mouth before placing the cloth back on her lap. She focused on her date. “Eat how much?”
“This much. Three slices of pizza in one sitting.” He motioned toward her empty plate.
She thought for a moment. “No.” was her reply.
“No, as in you normally don’t eat this much?”
“No, as in I normally eat more than three slices.”
“More than three slices of pizza.” It was more of a statement than a question.
“Yeah, if the mood is right. Right now, I’m stopping at three.”
He sniggered. “Why stop at three? Why not eat the whole damn thing?” Sarcasm dripped with every word.
She leaned forward in her chair, elbows resting on the table. In a sultry voice she replied, “Cause the mood ain’t right.”
For a moment he was surprised by her response. She was actually quite sexy, even... Quickly pushing that thought out of his head his eyes returned from his imagination back to the woman on the other side of the table. “I see. So, if you’re in the right mood you’d eat more?”
“Exactly.”
He nodded his head. “Doesn’t it bother you?”
“What?”
“Eating so much, especially on a first date.”
She sat straight up and smirked. “Ahh now I get it. I see what’s going on here. You’re embarrassed to be seen with me.”
He was taken aback. “I... I never said that.” His volume increased.
“You didn’t have to. I’ve seen the way you keep looking around the restaurant to make sure no one’s staring at us. Trust me Brad, No one gives a shit that I ate three slices of pizza.”
“Well, I do.”
Parker reclined in her seat to mirror his position. “Oh, you do? Nice.”
“Parker, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings but I think a woman shouldn’t be such a glutton especially on a first date.”
She sat up. “A glutton? Wow what a clever thing to say. Two points goes to the man with the stick up his ass.”
He shook his head. “I knew you wouldn’t get it.”
“No, I get it alright. First of all, let’s set the record straight. My ′feelings’ aren’t hurt.” She used her fingers as quotation marks to emphasize her response. “Second of all, where the hell did you dig up all this intel on how women should behave on a first date?”
“It’s fucking obvious how to behave on a first date!”
“To whose standards? Yours?”
“Sure. Is that so bad?”
“Only if you want your date to be timid and demure.”
“At least my date wouldn’t woof down three slices of pizza in one sitting!” He was unaware his volume increased enough for others to hear.
Parker leaned in once more. “Psst Brad, you got your wish. Now everyone’s staring.”
With a quick glance around, all the patrons were indeed staring at the couple, including the blonde at the table next to theirs.
Turning back to face his date, it was his turn to lean in. “Come on, Parker, can’t we at least keep this conversation somewhat civil?” he whispered his requested.
“I thought I was,” Parker replied indifferently.
He let out a sigh. “With all due respect, you’re not the thinnest woman I’ve dated...”
And there he said it.
Before he could continue, Parker cut him off by clapping. “Bravo Mr. Obvious! Tell me, do you want a medal or a chest to pin it on?”
“For fuck’s sake, I’m not implying you’re fat...”
“Well thank God for that! We wouldn’t want to upset the masses now, would we?”
“Stop twisting my words.” His voice reeked of loathing.
“You’re doing a pretty good job of that yourself.”
He sighed. “Do you have an answer to everything I say?”
“Yeah, pretty much so,” she replied.
“Jimmy told me you were one stubborn bitch.”
“Figures. Why, because I say what’s on my mind?”
“Yes, because you say what’s on your mind,” he replied. Raising his hand, he motioned for the waiter to come over. Parker turned to notice the waiter immediately approached their table. She kept her eyes to the waiter when he arrived, Brad could barely keep his voice down. “I would like the check please.”
“Yes sir. Would you like a box to take the leftover pizza home?” the waiter asked Parker with a smile who gave him one in return. He ignored Brad altogether.
“No,” Brad replied. This time, the waiter glanced over toward Parker’s date.
“Actually, yes please. I would love a box to take your delicious pizza home in.” Then as a second thought added, “and could you pack me up a cannoli to go as well?”
Giving a sideways glance toward her date, the waiter turned his attention back to Parker. “Yes of course,” He replied and walked off to retrieve the bill along with a box for leftovers and a bag containing the cannoli.
Amazed at Parker’s antics, he shook his head. “Has anyone ever told you you’re crazy?” he asked her.
“Yeah,” she replied giving him a shit eating grin.
He laughed. “And that doesn’t bother you?
“Why should that bother me?” she asked matter of factly.
“Because it should.” He crossed his arms over his chest.
She smiled at his protective defensive move; sitting there, arms crossed as if he had a point to prove. She on the other hand smirked. Leaning her elbows on the table once again, Parker leaned in closer. “Brad, do you want to know what really amuses me?” she asked softly.
With a roll of his eyes, he replied. “Tell me, Parker what really amuses you?”
She chuckled. “What really amuses me is how a grown-ass man could be such a dickhead all because his date wanted a third slice of pizza.” As if on cue, the waiter returned to the table with a take-out box and a bag containing the cannoli. “Thank you,” Parker said to the man as she took the box and bag. Giving her a smile, the server proceeded to hand Brad the billfold but was stopped when he was given a credit card instead. With a frown, the waiter promptly took the card and disappeared toward the back of the restaurant.
Without a care in the world, Parker proceeded to place the left-over pizza in the box and added the bagged cannoli before closing the lid. With a smile, she pushed away from the table and rose to her feet. Throwing on her denim jacket, she flung her backpack over her shoulder before picking up the box. As she began to walk away, she paused momentarily and leaned down to whisper in her date’s ear.
“You think I’m crazy? I suggest you take a fucking good look at yourself, Brad.” and as she was about to leave, leaned down to whisper once more. “Oh, and that blonde you’ve been flirting with, she’s way out of your league.” With a pat on his shoulder, Parker walked off humming to herself before her date could retort.
Stepping outside, she was greeted by the cool New York City Spring air as it gently kissed her face. “Another date down the drain,” she spoke to herself and laughed. She didn’t shed a tear, didn’t wallow in self-pity, instead, she smirked amusingly and gave herself an imaginary pat on the back.
With a deep breath of satisfaction, Parker hailed a taxi to take her home so she could enjoy her leftover pizza and cannoli in peace.
Until...
“You just left him there?” The voice on the other side of the phone asked Parker.
“Yup,” she replied while enjoying her cannoli.
“And you took off with the rest of the pizza and a cannoli?”
“Yup.”
“Did you even thank him?”
“Nope.”
“You didn’t thank him.” It was more of a statement than a question; something her friend did quite often as if trying to comprehend the response she was given.
“No Chrissy! It was a shitty date and I’m not about to thank someone for being a complete asshole.”
“So, you never bothered to wait for him?”
“Nope.”
“Just like that?”
“Yup,” Parker replied once more as she continued her adventure into the realm known as cannoli filling.
“Is that all you can say is, Yup and nope?”
“Yup. Unless you ask a question, that requires more of a response.”
Parker heard her friend sigh on the other end of the phone. “Can’t you be a little more forthcoming?” her friend asked.
It was Parker’s turn to sigh. “What do you want me to say, Chrissy? It was a glorious time, the pizza was delicious, and Brad was a perfect gentleman?”
“That would help for a start.”
“Okay, here goes; It was a horrible time, the pizza was delicious, and Brad was anything but a perfect gentleman.”
“I don’t understand. Brad’s always been nice.”
“Yeah, maybe to you but tonight he was a complete narcissistic fuckwad who didn’t care for anything other than his image.”
“What do you mean?” Her friend asked.
“He cared more for his appearance and status rather than ask me about myself. I bet if you were to ask him what I did for a living he wouldn’t know, or he’d make something up. He was boring as fuck.”
“Well, he had a lot to say about you.”
Parker placed the cannoli on the plate. “Oh really? Let me guess he talked with Jimmy?”
“Of course. Their friends.”
“Fair enough. So, what did Mister Asshole have to say.” Parker was curious how she faired in the eyes of a douchebag.
“He told Jimmy you acted like a pig and then had the gall to leave with the rest of the pizza."
“And a cannoli...” Parker interjected.
“Oh yes Parker, and a cannoli! Let’s not forget about the damn cannoli!” Her friend sounded quite annoyed.
Parker gave it no mind. “How can I leave without having a cannoli? Even the word ‘cannoli’ makes me giggle.”
There was a moment of silence. Parker wasn’t sure if her friend hung up. “Chrissy. You still there?”
“I’m here,” her friend replied.
“Good I thought you fell asleep. I know Jimmy has a tendency to be a bit boring but...” but her friend cut her off mid-sentence.
“I can’t believe it,” Chrissy spoke softly.
“What? Jimmy’s a little boring at times?” Parker was in a playful mood. But it was only one-sided.
“You’re never serious, are you?”
“Apparently you are. Why are you so upset with me?”
“You don’t even care how Brad felt when you left him.”
“Honestly, I think he felt relieved. That gave him more time to flirt with the blonde at the table next to us.” Parker decided to throw in that tidbit to make a point.
“Well, I don’t know about any of that, but he told Jimmy you made him look like a fool.”
“It didn’t take much to make him look like a fool. He did very well on his own.”
“Everything’s a joke with you, isn’t it Parker?”
“Chrissy, if you were subject to his constant nagging insults, you’d joke about it too.”
“I can’t believe you. I tried very hard to convince Brad to go on a date with you.”
“Convince? Let me guess, you told him I had a great sense of humor and I’m pretty to look at after a few beers?”
“Come on Parker. A lot of men don’t like a woman with meat on their bones.”
“And you just so happened to convince Brad to take a chance on me. Jesus, you make it sound like I’m huge.” Parker didn’t like the way the conversation was heading
“Face facts, you’re not skinny and could stand to lose a few.”
“A few? Thanks a lot Chrissy for once again pointing that out to me. Let’s see that makes it, how many times this month?” She regretted telling her best friend the doctor suggested she could lose a few pounds.
“Well, sorry the truth hurts, besides I can’t keep finding you guys to date.”
Parker shouted. “I never asked you to find me a guy to date!”
“No, you’d rather sit alone in your apartment, playing your stupid guitar and fucking eating pizza all day!”
“That’s my choice! I don’t need you to convince men to date me. I want to meet a nice guy who doesn’t give a shit about how much I love pizza and whether or not I decide to have a third slice!”
“Men like that don’t exist and if you managed to find a guy who did, I bet he wouldn’t be worth a damn and probably still lives with his parents.”
“Now that sounds like Jimmy talking. He’s always putting others down for those he deems unworthy. Is that what’s gotten into you? I dumped his friend rather than the other way around. Brad was a lousy date and not worth my time having a second one!” She realized her volume increased with anger.
“That’s the problem Parker; it’s always one lousy date with you. It’s like you’re self-sabotaging the whole thing even before it ends.”
“So, I’m supposed to be quiet, nod my head and pretend to enjoy myself? You might as well sew strings to my arms and feet and walk me around like some brainless marionette.”
“Maybe...”
“Maybe? Maybe! I can’t believe you’re actually saying this!”
“Maybe telling you the truth was long overdue.”
Parker widened her eyes. “Holy shit! My best friend is telling me the truth! After all these years we’ve known each other, you’re just now growing a set of balls!”
“Typical Parker. Face it, one of us had to grow up.”
“Well excuse me for my convictions.” Parker was shocked but continued her thought. “For fuck’s sake, we’ve always had each other’s back, except now I feel as if you’ve plunged a knife into mine.”
“I’m sorry Parker but that’s how I’ve been feeling lately. You were a blast in college; a real riot back then, but now...you’re not even willing to change.”
“Change? So, you’re basically telling me to stop being myself?”
“Yes, stop being such a wisecracking, sarcastic ass and start acting like an adult.”
“I don’t know about you, but I like who I am.”
“Yeah? That might be fine for you, but what about everyone else?”
“What do you mean everyone else?”
“Really? Let's start with the way you act so fucking weird when it comes to pizza. Brad said you were overly obsessed almost to the point of becoming fanatical when your pizza arrived.”
“Who cares what he thinks? I love Pizza. So, what’s the big deal?”
“You’re missing the whole point.”
That was twice in a span of a few hours she was told she was missing the point. The question remains, was she missing the point or was everyone else?
“Are you still there?” Chrissy interrupted Parker’s thoughts, snapping her back to reality.
“Yup.” was all she could say.
Once again, her friend sighed. “Look, I’m only trying to give you some advice when it comes to men.”
Parker remained silent during her friend’s rambling. Basically, she chose to ignore most of what was being said since it turned into nothing but a bunch of babbling. It felt as if her friend sucker punched her in the stomach for no reason at all.
Parker had always been there for Chrissy whenever she needed an ear to bend. She never took their friendship for granted, never bitched when her friend came knocking on her door at three in the morning, sobbing her eyes out as if her life was about to end. Unlike her friend, Parker never flaunted her money, never cared for putting on a show for anyone. She kept it real and that was how she lived her life. She considered herself to be an honest woman and someone others could depend on.
However, she found herself on the receiving end of a conversation where her best friend should have understood her actions rather than finding fault. And only because she wanted a third slice of pizza.
"Parker?” Chrissy spoke. “Are you still there?"
“Yup.” was her reply.
“You should be thanking me for telling you the truth.”
“Thanking you?”
“Yes, only good friends tell each other the truth.”
It was the perfect opportunity for Parker to return the favor with sarcasm concerning the truth about their ‘friendship’ over the past few months since Chrissy started dating Jimmy. All the insults and the belittling toward her by her best friend’s boyfriend which were purposely ignored. Yes, Parker could have told her friend the honest truth, but instead chose to keep it to herself since the damage had already been done.
“Well, don’t you have anything to say?” she was asked.
Parker thought momentarily, holding the phone to her ear. In barely a whisper she replied, “Thank you for the truth, Chrissy. With friends like you, who needs enemies? I hope you get all that you deserve.”
Apparently, her friend was shocked into silence and before Parker ended the call, added one final comment, “Please lose my number.” Then she disconnected the call.
Parker wasn’t quite sure how long she sat in silence staring at the black screen of her phone. But it was long enough to realize her once best friend she’d known since freshman year of college never bothered to call her back to apologize.
Into the later hours of the evening, she replayed her date as well as the conversation with Chrissy over and over in her head. However, no matter how many times she did so, still couldn’t believe the outcome. So many hurtful words were spoken, the accusations of not willing to bend to the will of another, and of course the constant reminder she simply missed the point. It befuddled Parker how the turn of events ended up with her losing a friend and all because she wanted a third slice of pizza.
