ALTHEA
The sound of cheering and children's laughter floats through the open window to my right, bringing with it the bitter taste of jealousy as I sit and listen to the overwhelming happiness coming from my pack. Having to stay inside while the other members gathers out on the square, celebrating loudly, glee and excitement exploding out of each and every one of them, really is something I should be used to by now. It shouldn’t faze me to be left behind, shouldn’t have the empty pit in my stomach gaping wider because of the loneliness that cripples me time and time again.
And while on some level I have gotten used to carrying the weight of it, it doesn’t work like that for my wolf. Because no matter how low they push us, no matter how bad they treat us, she craves the feeling of being one with a pack. Craves it like we crave the oxygen filling our lungs with every breath, and sometimes, the need for belonging trumps even the need to breathe.
But the breath gets taken whether or not we want it to; as for belonging in this pack? That will never happen.
My wolf whimpers at the thought and I feel slightly guilty for the way my sour mood makes her feel worse. Out of the two of us she is the one with hopes and dreams, the optimistic one, whereas I just… exist.
“Did you hear?” Declan’s voice startles me out of my pity party and as I turn my head to find him leaning against the doorframe, I wonder just how he managed to sneak up on me like this. The twins have been trying to get the drop on me since I came here, always sneaking around trying to scare me, but never succeeding. They're not as attuned to their surroundings as they should be, and so they don't notice the gods awful amount of noise they make when they approach. The creek in the floorboards, the slight swoosh of their clothes moving, or something as small as their heavy breathing. All things that usually alert me they're incoming.
Usually.
Seems I might be more distraught by the news than I'd noticed.
That thought takes the backseat though when I see my brother's green eyes shining with so much joy I somehow find it in me to smile back at him. Even though the news he is so very thrilled about has a subtle tingle of horror licking up my spine.
It doesn't matter. I can fake it for him. For them. No matter how much I know they love me, my family can't seem to see the difference between my true smiles and the smiles I put on for their sake.
“Yeah, I heard.” Hopping down from the kitchen counter I slap his shoulder and grin up at him. “Looks like you’ll be joining the royal army sooner than we thought.”
The red tint of his cheeks is adorable, and predictable. Everytime the big burly guy blushes I find myself comparing him to his brother. How two people that look exactly the same can be so completely different will never cease to amaze me. Gregory would never blush, would never be affected by a compliment.
But Declan, he’s always getting embarrassed. Not that he lets it hold him back though. When he was younger, it affected him a bit more, and I loved to tease him about it. Now it’s just something that happens. I've even seen him use it to his advantage with the females of the pack.
“We don’t know that. They’re not coming to recruit warriors…”
“They’ll take one look at the two of you and they’ll want to take you with them when they leave. I know it.” I give him my stern face so he knows I'm serious, before getting back to work. I can't have the Alpha catch me slacking off.
Pulling on the apron I’d discarded when the other kitchen staff had wandered out onto the square, I listen as Declan chuckles softly to himself, seeming to be too wrapped up in his own mind to answer me. Which is fine, I need time to digest what I just learned.
The royals are coming. Here. To this pack.
It's great news for everyone. The fact that they will be celebrating Solstice Week here is an honor for the whole pack. It will have them high on the feeling of superiority, the fact that they’re the only pack the royals will stay with for an extended period of time.
Yes, great news for everyone.
How in the Under am I supposed to get out of this?
The kings are out searching for their future queen, traveling across their kingdom in search for a female strong enough to mate with. It’ll be viewing ceremonies and courting sessions… All so very formal and clinical when it should come naturally. Finding your mate should be as simple as taking your next breath.
“Althea.” The sound of his voice has the hair on the back of my neck standing. I feel more than see, Declan tense from where he’s taken up my former position on the kitchen counter.
“Sir.” Keeping my eyes on the ground I wipe my hands on my apron as I turn to face the man I would love to tear apart piece by piece. As if he knows what I'm thinking, he starts shoving his dominance down my throat. The mere scent of it has me fighting tooth and nail just to withhold a gag, and a shiver rakes through me instead. A shiver he thinks is born out of fear, and not disgust, judging by the satisfaction radiating from him now.
His arrogance has been my savior more than once.
“You will not be present at the time of the royal’s visit.”
Well, would you look at that? I don’t even have to come up with a solution myself. I try my hardest to not let my relief show, to not let my shoulders slump down as the weight that’s been settling on them for the past thirty minutes disappears with the Alpha’s command.
He thinks he’s insulting me; can’t have him knowing he’s saving me.
“Alpha… She’s a part of our pack. She has every right…”
“I did not ask for your opinion, Declan.” As Alpha Keegan directs his dominance towards Declan, I try to catch my brother’s eye, try to convey that he needs to shut the fuck up.
As usual, he ignores me.
“She’s my sister and in my father’s absence, my opinion is valid.” A low growl escapes Keegan, his anger pushing his wolf to the surface. Though it would never result in anything. They can’t even shift without the help of their crystals. So his growls and huffs are nothing but a dramatic show of power.
Power he does not have.
“She might be a part of the pack, but she is a born rogue and her presence will be seen as disrespectful.” Taking a step towards Declan, it's now my brothers turn to be assaulted by the feeling of the Alphas dominance clogging his throat. It throws my brother, the much larger male, into a coughing fit while he starts shrinking in on himself.
One day... one day Declan, or Greg, will be as strong in their dominance as they are physically. I know it. That day, I hope Keegan is too damn arrogant to run like the coward he is. I'm currently living for the moment our Alpha will get what is coming for him.
“She will not be present, and I will hear no more about it.”
The way this Alpha uses his dominance has infuriated me since I first came here. It has left me wondering how a male like that came to be strong enough to become an Alpha. For every time I have to watch him misuse his power, for every pack member he pushes around, I'm always reminded of my father’s teachings.
An Alpha is a leader, a provider, a protector. The wall that stands between danger and his pack. The presence that soothes and guides them.
I’ve never seen Keegan tick any of those boxes, and yet he is considered a strong Alpha. A respected male of the kingdom. It makes me worried about meeting the people that are governing this world, if males like Keegan are considered good.
As the Alpha walks away, and I'm able to breathe again, homesickness wraps me in its familiar embrace. What I wouldn’t give to hear my father’s voice again, even if it only was a repeat of what I’ve already heard him say.
The ugly truth that haunts me everyday, is that their voices, as well as their faces, are slipping away from me. Year by year they become blurrier, more and more distant. Like perhaps, they were nothing more than a beautiful dream amongst my nightmares.
But then, all I have to do is look in the mirror, and I'll have my mother’s face staring back at me, reminding me they were real. And good. Truly good.
“Sister…” Declan’s hand on my shoulder has me snapping back to the present. The sorrow and pity on his face tells me he’s picked up on my emotions. “We won’t let him do this. A wolf needs to be with their family during Solstice.”
Ah… Picked up on my emotions he might have done, but he’d certainly misinterpreted them.
A wolf needs to be with their family during Solstice. He couldn’t be more wrong, yet so right at the same time. I huff at myself as the thought rings true for all of them. For the way they live, for their beliefs; they’re all wrong, but with a smidge of truth in it. The remnants of what they used to be still visible through the human shells they’ve become.
I hate to think of my family in this way, but I can’t help it. And it’s not like I blame them for it. It’s how they were raised, how this side of the barrier now lives.
“It’s okay, little brother. You know I don’t mind being alone.” That’s an understatement. I might be lonely, I might want to be a part of a pack, but that doesn’t mean I actually want it to be this pack. I want to tell him that his beliefs aren’t mine, that Solstice doesn’t mean to me what it means to him, but I don’t. I keep it in. Like I always do.
Like the Alpha told me to.
It has been decided that you will be spared, that you will become a member of my pack. You will feel honored. You will leave everything you know behind and you will not speak of it. What you were, what you knew, what you wanted, it no longer matters. Do not make me remind you of this again.
