Chapter 1
Many words floating, but I don't know which to use,
I've been a mess lately, caught in my own ruse.
My soul is whispering in the dark,
Trying to find an escape, even just a spark.
Even if it's an illusion, still I try,
But guess what? No one hears my cry.
And of course, I'm sick and tired of lies,
I don't know if I can cope, but yeah — I try.
It has always been me alone after all,
No one to talk to, no one to call.
Not because I don’t want to, but because there's fear,
And distrust and disconnection growing near.
A little bit of rage, I'm numb and cold,
I'm dying slowly, though I may look bold.
I'm surrounded by many, yet truly lonely,
Truly suffocating, completely, wholly.
Maybe I need saving, maybe I don't,
Funny thing is, I feel I won’t.
Usually, there’s fire deep in my soul,
Even when I’m feeling far from whole.
But this time around, I don't feel nothing,
My fire is gone — not even flickering.
Tell you what? It's the saddest thing,
To lose the fire and feel nothing within.
I don't know where to turn to, or who to go to,
I'm living inside my head, no one to show to.
I can't help but fake it, just live the life,
Worst part? I don’t even know what’s causing the strife.
Or maybe I do, maybe I just can't say,
Maybe I just can’t point it out today.
Do you know what I do to feel something?
I burn — to silence everything.
I heat myself up with my lighter flame,
I need to feel grounded, it's not a game.
It helps me with something like control,
Slowly becoming dependent on that role.
On an insignificant object, such as that,
Of course, there's no human — and that's that.
No one to hold me and comfort my pain,
To see the darkest parts that remain.
Maybe one person does though, I don't know,
But yeah, that’s how it goes — just so.
Yeah, it's that bad, and I’m depressed,
No one can see the weight on my chest.
Maybe 'cause I'm a good pretender —
I just wish someone could remember.
But yeah, everyone’s got their own climb,
No one has time for others in time.
Yeah, I get it, it's totally cool,
I can’t breathe, can’t think — I'm the fool.
I just stare into space waiting for something,
For what? I don't know — maybe nothing.
Can’t scream, can’t move, I’m in my head,
What happened to me? I live half-dead.
I'm carrying an emotional burden so wide,
Most adults couldn’t even hold it inside.
I feel the pressure in my throat, my neck,
I’m just existing, a walking wreck.
I’m terrible, dying slowly too,
No one can see what I’m going through.
I need help, but I can’t scream,
So what do I do? I chase a dream.
Just wait in the darkness for no savior,
Maybe this will pass — maybe never.
And if it does, I’ll tell you what,
I’ve been scarred so deep, I forgot.
And I just chose to continue existing,
Because the pain — it kept insisting.
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