Introduction
I set my phone to record, take a step back, and command a bracing breath.
“Hey. Susan here,” I say with practised confidence. “And today’s video is a little bit unusual. In fact, I wager it’s something none of you have ever seen before.” I take a sidestep and gesture to the scene behind me. “See this? Pretty cool. Now, it may look like I’ve stumbled into an unusually high-budget bar at a renaissance fair, but this is, in fact a legitimate establishment called the Dropp Inn, owned by a recent acquaintance of mine, Umberto Dropp.
“Two things to know about Umberto. One: He mixes a mean daiquiri. And, Two: He’s an ogre. And I don’t mean, like, he’s an ogre of a proprietor. I mean he’s… well, Umberto, come over here.”
Umberto shakes his head off-camera, but after some light goading, he approaches and offers a meek wave to the unseen audience. A seven-feet-tall, mossy-skinned (kinda ripped) behemoth of a man, he swallows half the screen.
“Haters are gonna say it’s special effects, or AI. But I swear on my life, this is the whole truth. Yesterday, something fucking crazy happened. I was lying in bed playing with my vibrator, as I normally do, when I had what was probably the most intense orgasm of my entire life. And when I opened my eyes, I wasn’t at home anymore, but rather spread across a table, legs akimbo, in the middle of a tavern that looked like something straight out of Lord of the Rings.
“I was mortified, of course, but that was before I realised what a special place this is. By some stroke of… something, I seem to have ended up in the most sexually-open dimension in existence. The patrons of the Dropp Inn started applauding and immediately demanded a demonstration of how my vibrator worked.”
“A marvellous piece of technology,” Umberto mutters beside me, staring down at his oversized feet. For such a large beast, he is surprisingly timid. I find it kind of adorable, honestly.
“For those of you wondering,” I said back to the reflected image of me on my phone, “yes, I did record the whole thing, and you can find it exclusively on my Patreon.
“Anyway, though I don’t exactly know much about the mechanics of interdimensional travel, my best guess is that the only way to get back to my realm is to reach an orgasm of a similar magnitude to the one that sent me here in the first place. But then, I also figure… what’s the rush? As far as I can tell, I am the only person to ever have jumped dimensions, so I thought I might have some fun while I figure out how to get back home.
“I have made a handful of friends here already, including this big lug here,” – I shoulder Umberto, who smiles beneath a blush – “and some of them have agreed to let me interview them in absolutely all their glory.
“So stay tuned as I uncover the secrets of… Um… Umberto, what’s this land called?”
“Fairyland.”
“…Are you fucking with me right now?”
Umberto raises his hands in an apologetic shrug.
“Fine. Fairyland.”
