Chapter 1
I don’t remember what happened. I wish I could. All I could remember for that night was the rain hitting our car as my sister sped down the road singing at the top of her lungs. I remember headlights heading our way, on the wrong side of the road, my sister swerved then pain.
“I don’t remember much after that, just flashes of the night.” I told Dr. Wells.
It was my third therapy appointment since I started. Something my mom insisted on to help me heal quicker. Luckily for me, Dr. Wells takes appointments over video call so I didn’t have to leave my house.
“And what do you remember in those flashes?” Dr. Wells asked.
I shrug, “Seeing Aelia slouched against the steering wheel.”
“What else?”
“The pain.” I closed my eyes taking a deep breath, “It felt like my nerves were on fire. It was excruciating every time I moved the metal would dig deeper into my leg.”
When I open my eyes I look down at where my leg is, or where it’s supposed to be. There was too much damage caused by the accident and the doctors couldn’t save my leg.
It’s been four months since then and I haven’t been able to come to terms with the fact I lost both my leg and my sister in the accident.
“It doesn’t feel real most of the time.” I look back at Dr. Well’s.
“What does it feel like?”
“Like I’m in a nightmare waiting to wake up but then, the phantom pain hits and I’m... I don’t know.”
“You’re forced to remember it’s not a nightmare.” Dr. Wells guessed. I nodded, blinking back the tears that gathered in my eyes. “Have you tried wearing the prosthetic they fitted you with? That might help.”
I look towards the prosthetic leg leaning against my nightstand. I got two new legs, one for everyday use and one for running but I haven’t used either. It didn’t feel right, it didn’t make my life feel less like a nightmare, it intensified it.
“No.”
Dr. Wells looked at me most likely wanting more than just a ‘No’ but I wasn’t talking about this right now.”
“How about we talk about something else.” She suggested.
“How are things with your parents? I remember you told me you were having dinner with them on Sunday.”
Oh great. I roll my eyes at the reminder of that disaster of a dinner. It was supposed to be a simple dinner with just my mom and dad. I hadn’t expected the rest of my family to join. “Exhausting.” I admitted.
Dr. Wells raised a brow writing something down in her notepad, “Can you explain more?”
“Dinner was good at first. Then my aunt and uncle and cousins showed up. Then my grandparents. It became too much everyone checking on me and talking all at once. Talking about me like I wasn’t there. It was exhausting trying to get them to remember I could answer for myself.”
“Maybe they were just worried.” Dr. Wells suggested.
“My mom tried to cut my food.” I gave her an unimpressed look, “I lost my leg not my arms.”
Dr. Wells tried to keep a neutral face but I could see the slight downturn of her lips.
“Other than exhaustion, was there anything else you felt?”
I sigh playing with the hem of my shirt “I felt like I was in a zoo. Everyone was looking at me, talking about me but not to me. Like I was just some rare creature.”
“You want to be seen?”
“No,” I shake my head quickly. The last thing I wanted was to be seen but I also didn’t want my family to treat me like I was glass. As if they touched me I would break. “No I want. . . I. . . I don’t know what I want.” I hated how my voice broke.
“That’s okay, to not know what you want in life right now.”
“How is that okay?” I scoff, wiping my tear stained cheeks.
“It’s okay because right now you’re in a stage of healing. You don’t always know what you want when you’re healing because all you’re focusing on is getting through the next day, am I right?” I nodded. “Healing is about getting to the end as quickly as you can. It’s about getting those broken pieces to fit together again, stronger and better than before.”
“And how long does that take?”
“As long as you need.”
I’m not too sure about that. Everyone in my family is telling me it’s been long enough that I should be over it already. Like I didn’t lose my sister. I don’t understand how they could just go on like they didn’t lose a daughter, a niece and a granddaughter.
I knew my family had some problems with Aelia, she was the wild child as my parents called her but they should still grieve for her. She was family. She was my family.
An alarm went off. I blinked looking back at the screen as Dr. Wells turned it off. “I’m afraid that’s all the time we have. We can pick this up during our next appointment.”
“Yeah. Okay.” I nodded trying to give Wells a smile. “See you next time.” I ended the call quickly after that.
Setting my laptop next to me on the bed, I reached over and grabbed my prosthetic gently tracing the edge of the socket. I’ve only worn it twice. The first time when I left the hospital after getting it and last week for my first physical therapy session.
It’s fitted to fit my stub but I can’t bring myself to wear it. I set it back on the floor and leaned back in bed deciding to take a nap. I’m not that tired but what else could I do?
Waking up to my doorbell going off wasn’t something I wanted. I waited hoping whoever was out there would leave but it went off again. With a groan, I rolled out of bed grabbing my crutches and left my room.
Slowly I made my way to the front door, “I’m coming!” I yelled once I entered the living room. My house wasn’t that big, just a small two story with three bedrooms and two bathrooms.
My bedroom is on the ground floor, in front of the stairs which made this whole situation easier for me to handle.
Balancing, I quickly unlocked and opened my door blinking when I saw a man standing there. “Uh, hi?”
“Hi,” the man smiled brightly. What did he have to be so happy about? “I’m Jacob, your new neighbor and this is my daughter Iris.” The guy introduced himself. I looked down to see a small, dark skinned girl with her dark brown hair in braids with colorful beads at the ends holding a red dish smiling at me. She couldn’t be any older than 4.
Something about that bright, carefree smile was contagious because for the first time in four months I smiled back, even if it was just a slight up turn of my lips, it was a real smile.
“Well hello Iris. I like your hair.”
Iris touched her hair “Thank you. My daddy did it for me.” She smiled looking at her dad.
I looked back at him, “I’m Nicole, nice to meet you.”
Jacob smiled back, “I just wanted to introduce myself and bring over some dinner,” he glanced at my crutches and my leg. I suddenly wanted to shut the door and hide in my room. “Do you mind if I put it in your kitchen?”
I hesitated for a moment wishing I had put some effort into my look this morning and cleaned up. I had thrown on some sweats and a white T-shirt and threw my hair into a bun since it’s wash day tomorrow. The place wasn’t a mess per say, but it could be cleaner but looking at my crutches I knew I couldn’t take the dish myself.
“Sure.” I hobbled back, opening the door more. Iris entered first then Jacob who quickly shut the door behind him. “This way.” I made my way to the kitchen, taking a seat at the table.
The kitchen and living room were right across from each other, an arch doorway cutting the two off.
“I’ll take that.” Jacob grabbed the dish from his daughter who’s looking around. “It’s a chicken casserole with bacon and ranch. Can be put in the fridge if needed.” He sat the dish on the table next to me.
Setting my crutches against the wall, I picked up the lid taking a sniff of the food. The aroma of well seasoned chicken and bacon filled my nose making my stomach rumble. It’s then I realized I haven’t eaten since yesterday.
“That smells amazing.”
Jacob smiled, “Thank you.”
“I helped daddy make it!” Iris piped up, smiling brightly.
I laugh a little, shocking myself. I haven’t laughed, even a small giggle since the accident but for some reason Iris seemed to be the little light I needed.
“Did you now?” Iris nodded her braids swaying with the movement “Well I think it turned out so good because of you.” I tapped the tip of her nose making her giggle. Looking up I saw Jacob watching us with a small smile.
“Uh, can you please grab me a plate and fork?” I asked shyly.
“Of course.” He nodded quickly looking around before I pointed to the left cabinet. As he moved through the kitchen I took his appearance in.
He had the same mocha complexion as his daughter but while her hair was put into braids his hair was coily, in an afro type of style. It looked good on him. I could see some stubble on his face meaning he had or is growing a beard.
When he turned I got a good look at his muscles and. . . Did he buy his shirt a size too small? His muscles strained against the shirt highlight his biceps. I looked away when I felt a familiar heat settle in my stomach.
“Here you go.” Jacob set the plate and fork down next to the dish as he checked his watch, “Iris, honey we have to go now.”
“Awe do we have to?” Iris pouted.
Jacob laughed, scooping his daughter into his arms “Yes we do. We have that meeting for your preschool today.”
Meeting for preschool? I remember those meetings even if it’s a little fuzzy. They sucked but it got me into a good school for elementary and middle which was important to my family.
Iris sighed dramatically draping herself over her father’s shoulders, “Fine. If we have too.”
Jacob laughed shifting Iris so she was resting on his hip, “It was nice to meet you Nicole.”
“You as well Jacob. Iris.” I smiled at them grabbing my crutches to walk them out but Jacob waved me off.
“I’ll lock the bottom lock for you. See you later.”
“Bye Nicole!” Iris waved over her father’s shoulder.
“Bye Iris!” I waved back.
Waiting until I heard the door close, I grabbed the fork before realizing I didn’t have anything to plate the casserole with. “Oh well” I shrugged picking up the fork and eating straight from the dish.
