I love him, but I can’t have both

I love him. But I can’t have both.

“Hey Charlie, can you pass me my coffee?”

“Yes, my love,” Charlie said sweetly. As he handed me the cup, he leaned in and kissed me softly. I looked into his eyes and smiled. “Thanks, babe.”

Alissa yelled “cringe” as she walked into the living room, followed by Leo.

“Yeah, totally,” Leo mumbled as he sat next to her.

Leo had been my sixth-grade crush. But Alissa got to him first. He was six-foot-three with fluffy blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, and a physique straight out of a fitness ad. Honestly, who wouldn’t want him?

Charlie, my boyfriend, couldn’t have been more different. Sweet and dependable, with close-cropped brown hair, warm brown eyes, and wire-rimmed glasses, he was five-six and built like a runner—lean and strong but nothing like Leo’s imposing presence.

I wanted a bad boy. And that’s exactly what Leo was.

“Anyone want to do something?” Leo asked, casually.

“We should go to a party!” I shouted.

“Yes!” Alissa cheered. “We can finally wear those dresses we got from TJ!”

“I can’t. I have work,” Charlie said, thinking of his overnight shift at the bookstore. “But I trust you.”

“Sadie, be safe!” Charlie called after me.

“Of course you have to work,” I mumbled under my breath.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing. Have fun, babe.”

Alissa and I went to get ready. She wore a blue silky dress with silver heels and tan tights. I chose a black silk dress, black heels, and fishnet tights. I curled my hair and did light makeup—just mascara, lip gloss, and a touch of liner. So did Alissa.

Thirty minutes passed.

“Hurry up, Alissa!” Leo shouted.

“It doesn’t take five minutes to be this pretty!” she yelled back. “We’re almost done!”

Twenty more minutes and we were at the party. The second we arrived, Alissa found her old middle school friend, Emily.

“Oh my gosh! We haven’t seen each other since seventh grade! How’s senior year going?” I heard Emily shout as they walked off.

That left me and Leo alone. Not wanting to sit in silence, I walked over to a girl from my chemistry class.

“Hey Avery, how are you?”

“Good! Come on, Sadie, let’s take a shot!”

“Okay!” I shouted over the music.

We played cup pong, took shots—I lost count. Seventh? No, eighth? I really had to pee.

The bathroom line was too long. I barged past everyone and pushed the door open—of course, with my luck, Leo was inside washing his hands.

“I’m—I’m sorry,” I stammered. “I really have to pee.”

Without waiting, I pulled my tights down and sat. Leo turned away quickly.

“What the hell, Sadie!” he said, flustered. “I’m getting you home.”

He ran out, found Alissa, and said, “We’re leaving. Sadie’s drunk.”

“No, I’m having fun! You go—Emily will take me home. She’s sober.”

“Okay. Love you, bye,” he said.

I started walking down the stairs, but Leo grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the car. The ride was silent. When we got home, he helped me into the bathroom. I sat on the counter as he handed me a wipe to clean my face and dress, still sticky with beer.

As I tried to take off my heels, I nearly fell—his cold hands caught me by the waist. We locked eyes, then he quickly looked away.

“I gotta get dressed,” I said, breaking the tension.

I got a T-shirt and shorts. “Look away,” I told him. He turned, and so did I. As I took off my dress, I dropped the T-shirt. We both turned to grab it at the same time. His eyes locked on me, and for one solid second, he didn’t look away.

“I’m so sorry,” he said quickly and left.

Am I dreaming? I said in my head

I changed and went to bed. Alissa got home later that night.

Morning came.

“Good morning, my love,” Charlie whispered in my ear.

“What time is it?” I groaned.

“Seven.”

Ugh. I was so hungover.

“Good morning, babe,” I said, kissing him again.

Downstairs, I made my usual—French vanilla iced coffee with vanilla cold foam. Alissa and Leo joined us in the living room. Everything seemed normal, but the image of Leo’s eyes seeing me naked wouldn’t leave my head.

I love my boyfriend. Leo’s just a middle school crush. I’m 17 now. I don’t like him.

That’s what I kept telling myself.

“I need to go to the library. Y’all wanna come?” I asked.

“Yeah, sure,” everyone replied.

After getting ready, we headed out. It was around 10 a.m. Charlie went to the computer area to work on his English essay. Alissa went to print photos. I needed the chemistry textbook upstairs.

But the stairs were blocked with caution tape. I started walking toward the elevator.

“Leo, can you go upstairs and get the colored ink?” Alissa called out.

I sped up, trying to avoid him—but somehow, we ended up in the elevator together. Silent.

Before anyone could say anything the elevator jolted. The lights flickered, and we came to an abrupt stop.

“What the hell?” I gasped, grabbing the railing.

Leo pushed a few buttons, but nothing happened. He tried the emergency phone, but it was dead. “Great. No service either,” he muttered, slipping his phone into his pocket.

I sank against the corner of the elevator, pulling my knees to my chest. “It’s probably just the wind messing with the power,” I said, more to myself than to him. “It’ll come back on in a second.”

Minutes passed. The air grew warmer. Neither of us spoke.

Leo leaned against the opposite wall, watching me. His gaze wasn’t harsh or probing—just… there. And it made my skin prickle.

“I’m sorry about last night,” he said finally, his voice softer than I expected.

My heart skipped. I looked away, fixing my eyes on the floor. “It’s fine. Forget it.”

“Sadie, I—” He paused, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean to make things weird.”

Weird didn’t even begin to cover it. The memory of his eyes on me, the heat of the moment, replayed in my mind. I could feel my cheeks flushing, and I hated it.

“It’s fine,” I repeated, my tone sharper now. “Just… let’s not talk about it.”

He moved closer, kneeling in front of me. “Are you sure?” he asked, his voice low. “Because I can’t stop thinking about it.”

My breath caught. His face was inches from mine now, his blue eyes locking onto me with an intensity that made my stomach churn.

“You have a girlfriend,” I said, my voice barely a whisper.

“And you have a boyfriend,” he countered, his eyes searching mine. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t—”

“Don’t what?” I challenged, cutting him off.

“Feel something,” he admitted, his voice barely audible.

I wanted to tell him to stop, to back off. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. The elevator felt too small, the air too thick, and his presence too overwhelming.

His hand moved hesitantly, brushing a strand of hair away from my face. My heart pounded so loud I was sure he could hear it.

“Leo…” I began, but his lips were on mine before I could finish.

The kiss was slow at first, tentative. Then it deepened, his hands finding their way to my waist, pulling me closer. My mind screamed at me to stop, but my body wasn’t listening.

I fell back against the wall, and he followed, his lips trailing down to my neck. My hands gripped his shoulders, half pushing, half holding on.

Ding.

The elevator jolted back to life. The lights flickered on, and we both froze, our breaths coming in short gasps.

We scrambled to our feet and acted like nothing had happened. He grabbed the ink and went back downstairs. I stayed to study.

What if the power hadn’t come back? What would’ve happened?

I kissed another guy. I cheated. And I liked it.

I’m such a terrible person. Alissa would hate me. Never speak to me again.

I studied for maybe fifteen minutes, then joined the group. We went to Chicken Hut for lunch. It was quiet. My head rested on Charlie’s shoulder—but guilt screamed inside me.

“I’ll be right back,” I said, heading to the bathroom.

Charlie followed. When I stepped out of the stall, he was waiting.

“You can’t be in the girls’ bathroom,” I said.

He put a hand over my mouth. “Shh,” he whispered, pulling me into the stall. “We haven’t had alone time in a while.”

He kissed me hard. Passionate. He picked me up, pinned me against the wall. We just made out—but I couldn’t believe what I’d done.

How could I kiss Leo and then kiss Charlie less than an hour later?

We returned to the table.

“What were y’all doing?” Alissa teased.

“Nun yuh,” Charlie replied with a smirk.

I laughed it off. But I caught Leo watching us—and I couldn’t tell if he was jealous.