Chapter 1: Kira
My hands tremble as I unpack a picture of my best friend, Savannah, and I. It’s a picture of us as kids, maybe twelve or so, and our faces are glowing with happiness. I remember those days, when all we had to worry about was how often we could hang out over the weekend, or what projects we were paired up for.
Now everything’s different. I’m a pre-med student at Willard Residential College, Northwestern University, and although Savannah is too, we’re not roommates. I wanted to be, but Savannah wanted to room with her new friend, Cleo.
She said, and I quote, “It’ll be good for you to meet some new people, K.”
“...and you’re going to graduate top of your class, right, Kira?”
I look up and realize my parents, who just drove me from our suburb, are still talking.
“Um…yes?”
My mother, Dr. Yuki Nakamura, smiles at me. “I know you’ll do great things, Kira.”
My father, Dr. Kenji Nakamura, nods. “So long as you maintain your GPA.”
“And maybe join some pre-med clubs.” My mother adds. “Extra-curriculars never hurt.”
“And make some useful connections.” Says my father.
My mother nods enthusiastically. “Savannah is lovely, but she won’t help you much in the long term. You need to befriend people with connections in high places.”
I nod wearily. My parents have had this talk with me many many times.
“Maybe you should get a boyfriend.” My mother muses.
“Huh?” I ask.
My father grins at me. “Sure! As long as he’s also studying pre-med, and has connections to higher places.”
My mother waggles her eyebrows. “And it’s college, so you might need some…stress relief.”
“Mom!” I roll my eyes. “That’s weird. You don’t talk about that stuff with your kid.”
“What?” She asks. Just then, the door swings open to reveal a young woman with brown hair that reaches her lower back, a guitar case, lots of luggage, and a plant.
“Oh. Shit. Am I interrupting?” she asks. “I can come back later…”
“No!” I say, standing up. The picture of Savannah and me clatters to the floor. “I mean…that’s okay. My parents were going to leave soon anyway.”
Seemingly oblivious to my hint, my parents make no moves to leave.
“Dr. Yuki Nakamura.” My mother says, extending her hand to the woman. “That’s my husband, Dr. Kenji Nakamura, and our daughter, Kira.”
The woman smiles and takes her hand. “Doctors, huh? I’m Indie. Indie Rahman.”
I notice Indie’s hands are covered with very intricate henna art. “They’re cardiologists, actually.” I say, stepping forward to shake her hand.
“What about you? Are you also on the doctor path?” Indie asks.
I nod. “Pre-med.”
Indie grins, and looks at my Northwestern Pre-med “Cool.” After we shake, I help her bring her stuff into the room. It wasn’t huge to begin with, so now with unpacked boxes and suitcases, two college aged girls, and two parents, it seems stifling.
Indie plops down on her bed. “So where are y’all from?”
“Illinois.” I say, sitting back down on mine. “What about you?”
The way she says ‘y’all’ makes me guess she’s from Texas or some other southern state, but instead she says, “Chicago. Just about 30 minutes away from here.”
“Oh.” I say. “Cool.”
Indie laughs. “You look like you’re going to throw up. First day jitters or family pressure?”
I notice how she asks it so nonchalantly, despite said family standing right behind me. “Just excited for classes to start.”
“Uh-huh. And I’m here for the cafeteria food. Spill.” Indie says.
I shake my head and tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. “What about your parents? What do they do?”
Indie narrows her eyes as she no doubt sees my clumsy attempt to change the subject, but she plays along. “My mom’s a high school English teacher, and my dad’s a social worker.”
I nod. “That’s cool.”
My parents, probably realizing I don’t need them here anymore, move towards the door.
“We’ll be leaving, then.” My mother says.
My father nods. “Focus on your schoolwork and don’t get distracted by boys. Or parties.”
After my father leaves, my mother pokes her head back in. “Unless they’re smart, respectful, pre-med taking boys.”
As soon as they are both gone, I relax.
“Wow, you literally just deflated.” Indie observes. “What’s the real story with the whole pre-med thing?”
I sigh. “I don’t know. I mean, I want to help people, and being a doctor seems like a great way to make everyone happy. My parents continue their legacy, I get to be helpful, and the world’s a better place.”
“But…”
“But I don’t know if I really want to be a doctor or if it’s just my parents. When I was a kid, I loved playing doctor. It was fun. But now I don’t know if it’s still me saying I want to be a doctor or if it’s my parents.”
Indie nods. “They do seem kind of uptight.”
I fall back onto my back on my bed. “I guess I don’t even know if this is even the school I wanted to go to, or if it’s just because my friend is going and my parents want me to.”
Indie nods sympathetically. “Well, let’s distract ourselves. Wanna start unpacking?”
I sit up. “Sure.”
We both get up and open our bags, setting up pictures and filling wardrobes. At one point, I knock over Indie’s plant.
“Ferdinand!” Indie cries, lunging at her plant to set it right side up.
“Ferdinand?” I ask. “Why did you name it? It’s a plant.”
Indie glares at me as she puts Ferdinand on the top of a shelf. “He is a succulent, thank you very much.”
I scoff. “Ok. Crazy much?”
Indie shakes her head. “You wouldn’t understand.” She then walks over to my last bag. She’s finished unpacking, so she helps me finish unpacking my bags.
I take out the last item in my bag-a photo from last summer of Savannah, Ezra and I. I notice with a pang how Ezra and Savannah look so good together. The perfect couple.
“Ooh, who’s the cute guy?” Indie asks, coming up behind me.
I drop the frame. “Oh, no one. He’s my best friend’s boyfriend.”
Indie narrows her eyes but lets it slide. “And who’s the girl?” She asks.
“That’s Savannah.” I say. “We’ve been best friends since we were seven.”
“That’s a long time.” Indie notes.
I nod. “We met when Savannah and her family moved to Northbrook.”
Just then, my phone pings with a notification. It’s a text from Savannah on the group chat.
My stomach flips as I stare at the last three words on the screen for way too long before I rip my gaze away. What is wrong with me? He is my best friend’s boyfriend! I notice Indie staring at me, and she gestures to give her my phone. I hand it over and she reads the texts.
“That’s him, isn’t it? The one from the photo?” She asks.
I nod. “His name is Ezra. And yes…he’s Savannah’s boyfriend.”
“And you’re in love with him.” Indie states.
“I’m not-It’s not-It’s complicated.” I say.
“Honey, the uncomplicated feelings don’t make you look like you’re about to faint.” Indie says.
I sigh. “They started dating junior year, which is also when I started realizing I liked him.” I start.
“Does your friend know?” Indie asks.
I shake my head. “You’re the only one.”
“I’m flattered.” Indie says.
I blow out a breath. “I’m hoping that college will help me move on, but I feel like seeing Ezra again will just make everything worse.”
“And you don’t want to ruin your friendship.” Indie says. It’s more of a statement than a question.
I nod. “And I can’t tell Savannah now. I’ve liked him for two years! Two years, Indie, where he was the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing I thought about before I went to sleep. And I haven’t even been in contact!”
Indie sits next to me and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Ok. Well, since tonight’s dinner is obviously important, I’d say we start getting you ready now.”
I nod, looking down on my current outfit. I’m wearing jeans that are way too warm for today-it’s August-and a Northwestern pre-med shirt my parents bought me. Indie shepherds me to my closet and sets up outfits for me to try on.
First I try on a black wrap dress with three-quarter sleeves paired with two inch nude block heels and a gold necklace my mom gave me for graduation. Indie does light makeup with winged eyeliner and hands me a black crossbody purse. I look in the mirror and frown.
“I look like I’m going to a job interview, not dinner with friends. Everyone will know I’m trying too hard, especially Ezra.” I say.
Indie nods and hands me the next outfit.
Opting for a more casual look, this one is a different Northwestern shirt, dark wash skinny jeans with a hole one the knee, and slightly scuffed white canvas sneakers. Indie ties up my hair in a messy bun and applies minimal makeup. I shake my head when she brings me to the mirror.
“Now I look like I just rolled out of bed. I’ll disappear completely next to Savannah, and I already feel invisible enough around her.”
Indie nods thoughtfully. “I think I know what you need.”
She hands me one last outfit, and I take it, hoping it’s the one.
I put on a soft coral sundress with thin straps, a fitted bodice, and an A-line skirt that hits just above my knee. I put on brown leather sandals with a slight wedge, and a small woven crossbody in cream. Indie applies light mascara, tinted lip balm, and a hint of peachy blush, but leaves my hair in natural waves. After she leaves, I change my earrings from gold studs to small silver hoops, and put on a cardigan. After looking at myself in the mirror for a minute, I take the cardigan off again, deeming it “too safe”. Then I take a deep breath, the outfit making me feel confident, and exit my bedroom to the kitchen where Indie is waiting.
“OMG!!!” Indie squeals. “You look effortlessly pretty, babe. If Ezra doesn’t see you, he doesn’t deserve you.”
I nod. “Thanks, Indie.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come?” she asks, “You know, for moral support?”
I shake my head. “Thanks, but I need to do this myself.”
Indie nods and hugs me, careful not to mess up my outfit. “You’ll do great. Just remember-you can’t control how you feel, but you can control what you do about it.”
I nod again, and walk out the door. After it closes behind me, I sigh. Can I really do this?
“Yes. I can. I got this. It’s just dinner with friends, same as for the past two years.” Then I take a deep breath, and start walking to the restaurant.
Although the restaurant is off-campus, campus paths lead to it. As I follow them, I see students moving into their dorms, reuniting with friends, and laughing with each other. The weather is warm, with hints of fall, even though it’s still late August. As I walk in the silence, my mind races with scenarios.
What if Ezra and Savannah are more serious now? What if my feelings are obvious? What if college changes everything? Or worse, what if it doesn’t change anything at all?
I shake off the thoughts as I realize I’ve reached the restaurant. I see Mason, exaggerated as always, telling a story, gesturing wildly. I see Savannah, glowing, perfect as always. And next to her…sits Ezra, his dark hair perfectly mussed, his blue eyes shining. He’s obviously listening to Mason, but seems distracted. He looks out the window, and our eyes meet.
And just like that, two years of careful distance and buried feelings crumble to dust.
