Journal Entry 1
Monday, June 16, 2025: 5:23 PM
Dear Ryder,
Hey Bubba, It’s Momma. I’ve decided to keep this sort of journal for you to eventually read whenever you get older. Right now, you are currently 5 days old.
Wow, Incredible, right?
You seem to be a baby who has Momma’s grumpy resting face while also being a happy little guy. You smile a lot. Like, a LOT and it’s not just little smirks but full on smiles. I’m glad that you’re a happy little fella even though you’ll be reading this when you’re a big fella.
Momma has been through a lot in life which I’ll cover here and there throughout these journal entries. I was only 16 whenever I got pregnant with you and now I’m 17. I’m almost 18 but that won’t be towards the end of this year in October.
A lot of people believe you were an accident but just know, my baby, you were never an accident. We planned to have you. Sure, Daddy and I planned to have you in my Senior year of high school and planned for you to hopefully be a boy (which you are, thankfully), however, we didn’t plan you financially and you came during my Junior year of high school instead. We don’t regret having you one bit.
This journal entry will be fairly long but I just wanted you to know some of the important stuff first.
Daddy is a little sad that you don’t look like him. He was really hoping you looked just like him but instead, you look like Momma. We even have the same matching mole on our right arm near our elbows. Daddy still loves you regardless. To him, it’s like having me around him whenever we can’t be around each other because of your grandma, which that’s a (long) story for another journal entry.
You know, so far, Daddy’s and my brain haven’t really realized we are parents yet. Our brains are on auto-pilot and just going with things without questioning things. I know eventually it’ll click for us but right now, it hasn’t or at least not fully.
Something that is interesting is that Daddy and I, back whenever we first started dating, we actually planned you. Well, we planned your whole life to be honest. We call them the “What ifs”. For example, one of them was, “What if he had a girlfriend?”and then, Daddy and I will build a scenario based on that question. We’d think of a lot of different things and then sometimes, some of the “What ifs” had sub “What ifs” to them like “So, what if he had a girlfriend and wanted to get her pregnant?” and then that one had the “what if he got a girl pregnant?”
It was a lot especially since we were first starting to date. Crazy, I know right? We were like we knew we were meant for each other before we even fully knew each other.
I’m genuinely glad I met you dad. He’s helped me a lot and helped me get through a lot with things mentally, physically and emotionally.
If you ever need anyone to talk to, Daddy and Momma are here for you. We won’t try to be best friends with you. We just want you to know that you deserve to be heard. You were born into a family that wasn’t heard and that was constantly misunderstood. In other words, We might not fully understand what you’re going through but we might have an idea due to our pasts. Maybe, Whenever I tell you my story throughout these entries, you’ll see what I mean. I don’t know the full story of Daddy’s but we have some similar past experiences.
We might not be financially ready but we know that we have a lot planned for you, Bubby, from wanting to see if you have Daddy’s passion for cars and automotive or Momma’s passion for art. Or both. Or neither and then to going on fun trips to places. Maybe, in the future, we have a lot of money where we can buy badass sports cars, a whole garage filled with things for auto-machanic stuff and art stuff. Or maybe, we don’t have much money and have to live in an old trailer house. Regardless, our love and happiness will still be there for you and each other. Money doesn’t matter to us.
I mean, yeah, it would be nice to have a lot of money to have these sick cars and stuff but who knows. Maybe that will happen. Maybe that won’t. We’ll still work hard to make sure you are loved and you feel welcome to be around us.
Anyways, I think that’s all for today’s journal entry.
-Love Momma
