Obituaries
Excerpt from the Hart Family’s Annual Christmas Newsletter
We are so pleased to share that our daughter, Francesca, has officially been installed in her post as a Reaper.
Her certification ceremony took place on May 3, 1993, in conjunction with her eighteenth birthday. We are so proud of Frankie’s accomplishments. She graduated in the top three percent of her Reaper certification course.
When Frankie isn’t reaping, she enjoys reading, listening to pop music, and exploring Souls Town.
Excerpt from the Little Spark High School Chronicle, written by Penelope Church
Penelope Church, 17 and a half, was the victim of a brutal, unprovoked attack. The tragic demise of one of Little Spark High School’s most popular students occurred on April 1, 1993.
She is mourned vociferously by her mother and her boyfriend, Little Spark High’s own quarterback, Beauregard Astor.
Despite her young age, Penelope acquired a long list of achievements during her lifetime, including but not limited to:
Volunteering at the local animal shelter
Playing the lead in Little Spark High School’s productions of Romeo & Juliet, Music Man, and Rent.
Winning Miss Little Spark three years in a row
Scoring 1583 on her SATs
Cont. on pages 14-16
Excerpt from the Applewood Bulletin
Eloise Brightly, 83, died on July 13th, 1994. She was born to Thomas John and Judy Marie Pendergast on November 13, 1915. Born and raised in New York City, Eloise Brightly moved to Applewood to live with her great-aunt after her parents were brutally murdered in 1925.
After arriving in Applewood, Eloise quickly became a vocal advocate for gopher tortoise conservation. She leaves behind one son, Stephen Brightly, and an ill-mannered tabby cat, Todd, that is currently up for adoption at the Applewood Animal Shelter for $100*.
*A representative from the Applewood Animal Shelter would like to clarify that the $100 is to be paid to the adopter. “There’s nothing wrong with him. He’s just spreading a lot of anti-authority propaganda among the rest of our feline guests. We think he’d do best in a single-pet home.”
Excerpt from the Bramble Root Circle Newsletter
Matilda O’Brien, 30, passed away in the early hours of March 13, 1956, succumbing to injuries sustained from a gunshot. Matilda wasn’t one for trivialities or frivolous sentiments, and, as such, this obituary will not indulge in such things. Matilda will be missed.
Coincidentally, her death does leave the Bramble Root Circle with a vacancy for coven bookkeeper. Interested parties may send their resumes to the address provided below.
Excerpt from Sun Ridge News, Channel Seven
A local man found deceased in his home was the victim of a brutal attack. Authorities say the man, identified only by the first name Alistair, was stabbed through the chest with a homemade blade bearing occult symbols. Police have requested anyone with information regarding this brutal murder to please call this dedicated helpline.
