Future Tense

The pop of an ember followed by the slight sizzle of the remaining wood as it fell into the fire made the hair on my arms stand on end. It was almost time. I curled my legs up to my body, pretending to need the warmth. The wind howled beyond the crawl, making the skins flow and the air hold a lingering cold.

The fire made me warm enough. I felt accustomed to the temperatures of the Inriha enough to keep warm within a crawl without a fire. Anyone close enough to me knew I sometimes chose not to even wear the overhides provided me to do my outside chores. Those few people would know this position was nothing more than a ruse. Having my legs folded up in this way allowed me access to something important. There, inside my boot, I hid a small blade.

This allowed me to get my fingers in a close enough position to the blade without notice. A small twist of the wrist and it would be in my grasp. My heart was firmly lodged in my throat. My entire body felt its pulse.

I did my best to ignore it.

Breathe. Act natural. The visitors were only here for my packing ceremony. I had no reason to worry.

Except there was a reason.

I only knew because my curse forced me to know.

I kept still, waiting for the next sound. From there, in exactly sixty-three counts I needed to run. I tapped my knee. Everything would start soon and the tapping helped keep count.

The breeze caught the skins of the crawl and I took a deep breath in through my nose. I started to tap to get the rhythm I needed down before it became necessary. Tap. Tap.

Tap.

Any moment.

I licked my lips just before I heard the sound of footsteps, then a light snap of a branch hidden beneath the snow just beyond the entrance of my crawl. Here I started to count.

Tap, one. Tap, two. Tap three.

The skins at the front of the crawl moved and my brother Yorin ducked inside. “Hey Kimiko, you warm enough?”

Seven. Eight. Nine.

I hummed and kept my sight trained on the crackling fire in front of me. I continued tapping. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. I had to concentrate. My brother’s presence did not concern me. Yorin had nothing to do with what was to come.

Sixteen. Seventeen. I would miss him the most. I hoped he could understand. I hoped he would not have any repercussions due to his relation to me.

Another movement and my hand nearest the blade twitched. Not yet.

Too soon. I only had one chance to live through this.

I just needed to remember.

Keep time.

Pace myself.

Twenty-two. Twenty-three. “Miko, are you feeling all right?”

I hummed to keep my concentration. To answer would mean losing track of time. To answer was death. I tried answering him before.

Every time I answered, the only outcome was the ending of my own life.

My breath caught at the memory of the last time I died.

Not again. I wouldn’t allow them to kill me so easily.

Not when my curse might allow me to do something about it.

Thirty-two. Thirty-three.

Yorin knelt next to me with a sigh. “Hey, listen. You shouldn’t stress so much about the packing ceremony. I’m sure they’ll find you the perfect tribe. You are way too strong for this one and...” He trailed off and waved a hand in front of my face. “You aren’t even listening are you?”

Forty-four. Forty-five. Forty-six.

Almost time.

I took another deep breath in through my nose in attempt to calm my nerves. My brother continued to speak, but I tuned him out the best I could. I had to. Instead, I listened for something else. I had this conversation with him before anyway.

Fifty-eight. Fifty-nine. I inched my fingers toward the blade.

Sixty-two. Sixty-three.

Now.

With a quick flip of my wrist, my fingers were around the wooden handle of the knife.

At the same time, I forced myself back, flattening myself as close to the ground I could get. I swept my arm to the side, ensuring the blade was in place.

A sudden change in the air made my hair flutter as an arrow narrowly missed my head. I quirked my lip. I made it, my timing was perfect.

My fingers tightened on the blade before I swung my arm up over my body, releasing the blade.

Here, it shot to the left above the water pot and with just the right amount of power behind the throw.

The moment the blade passed through the skins of the crawl a low, pained groan came from the same direction.

I didn’t wait to roll to my side as my brother ducked in reaction to what happened, covering his head with his hands. I wanted to say goodbye, but I had no time.

I tried.

Once. It was enough to know not to do it again.

Instead, I grabbed hold of the flap of skins on the opposite side of the crawl, and ducked underneath them. The shock of cold air hit my lungs, and the cold of snow burned my hands.

The instant change in temperature was always the hardest here. I pushed past the discomfort of direct contact between my skin and snow in order to move forward.

My counts started again.

One. Two. Three. I counted my steps as I moved forward.

Twenty-six.

Twenty-seven.

Twenty-eight. Without thought I spun on my heel for a sharp right so I would hit the exact spot I needed to keep moving forward.

A quick breath out to steel my mind for the next step. Forty-four more steps before I needed to climb a fence.

A lump formed in my throat. This was it. The moment I would leave my tribe, never to return. The thought hit me every time I arrived here.

This was the moment I always remembered if this was the time I succeeded, I would never again see any of the people here. I swallowed. No time. I could think about it later.

I had to move forward.

I scanned the plains before me and locked onto a taller tree within the forest at the edge of the clearing. There.

A feeling of being thankful my packing ceremony was chosen to be near the Trifalls swelled within me. I had yet to make it there, but I knew.

I knew if I made it there I would be safe. I forced my way forward, working my way to a broken fence line. Eighty-three steps from there and I would make the edge of the clearing. Then, somewhere behind the large tree was the Trifalls. Yorin had pointed it out to me when he was helping set up my crawl.

I wish he’d taken me there so I knew exactly where to go.

I slowed my pace and moved my hand out as I counted, reaching for the familiar feeling of knotted wood I knew would be there. Soon my fingers brushed up against its surface and I rounded the dilapidated fence. Here, I had to be careful. I pressed myself to the wooden post behind me and took a step sideways to line up with it. A precise start so I could remember where to continue if...

I hit my heel against it for the perfect measure. I didn’t want to think about what-ifs. Not right now.

One step forward. Doing my best to stay as quiet as possible. I needed the cover of night to make my move first. If my hunter heard me now, this chance was over. Just Eighty-two more to go.

My last attempt ended here in this clearing. I must be careful.

My heart pounded wild in my chest. I had to remember every step, every hole in the ground, and the distance between me and my hunter.

Thirty-four. Thirty-five. I pointed into the air to signal the next event.

The clang of a bell sounded from within the camp and the not distant enough shouts of alarm. They must have found my would-be killer. I could feel their thoughts from where I walked. Their desire to get rid of me. I knew them.

I knew them too well.

All I needed to do was concentrate. Count my steps.

I could make it.

If I jumped into the waterfall, maybe my hunter would lose me.

Seventy-one. Seventy-two. Seventy-three.

I allowed myself to slow down as I neared the tree line.

I was going to make it there.

My memory of this place was newer, less sure. I only made it here two other times and the last time I came through this way I chose to follow the tree line as I listened for the falls.

It wasn’t a great idea.

My hunter found me and I started over again. A mistake I couldn’t afford to make twice. I took a deep breath, ignoring the pain of cold at the inhale.

Eighty-one. Step. Eighty-two.

Step.

Eighty-three.

I bit my tongue to keep myself from reacting. I paused a moment to touch the closest tree.

I made it.

For now.

Here is where everything changed. Here is where everything became new again.

I grit my teeth and lined myself up with the tree, feeling the grooves in the bark so I would remember.

In case.

For now, all I can do is move forward.

Maybe, just maybe this would be the time I lived.

I squared my shoulders and took the first step forward, counting so as not to forget. I didn’t have time to catch my breath.

I didn’t have time to think about what to do next, or else he would find me. So I did the only thing I could.

I counted.

One. Two.

Three.