FIRST STRUGGLE
MY COUNTRY
“You’ll never escape, you treacherous demon!”
I had no idea how much longer my bare feet could endure the sharp branches slicing into my soles, but I had no intention of stopping. No matter the cost, I would not return to that so-called paradise—a bottomless pit that had ruined my life in just one night.
I was running. Maybe my legs were trembling just like the rest of my body, but the biting cold numbed me enough not to feel it. The moment I heard the soldiers’ footsteps closing in behind me, I pushed myself harder, not caring that my crimson-red hair kept falling into my face.
Forests were terrifying at night. But tonight, it felt as though the universe was on my side—guiding me through the darkness, letting me see just enough to survive. The damp earth beneath my feet was the only thing keeping me strong, screaming at me not to give in.
I spotted a fallen tree trunk up ahead. Placing my hand on its rough bark, I vaulted over it with a swift motion and hid beneath. My lungs were desperate for air, but I held my breath just a little longer. I didn’t want a single sound to give me away. The only witness to my hiding place would be the stars watching from above.
The soldiers passed by, unaware of my presence—thanks to the underbrush. Once I was sure they were gone, I let out the breath I had been holding. My heart was pounding so fiercely, I wouldn’t have been surprised if it leapt from my chest. I licked my cracked lips and swallowed hard. Then I rose slowly from my hiding spot and lifted my gaze to the sky. Where the moonlight touched, I saw a bridge. Where the moonlight touched, I saw a border.
That thin line dividing heaven and hell...
And I had to cross it. That bridge was my escape—my only way out.
The land I had grown up in, the one led by a high-ranking commander who was also the nation's leader, was called Uçmağ. In the beliefs of its people, Uçmağ had always been known as the garden of sunlight. The people born here were called Selenits.
Across the bridge stood a kingdom ruled not by generals but by a crown: Tamuğ—the place they called hell. Even the sun refused to shine there. Its trial was the cold. Those who lived there were known as Safirs.
And I, Ülkem Atalay, had lived my entire life in the sunlit lands of Uçmağ—as a Safir.
It seemed impossible. But it was the most painful truth of my life. I didn’t belong to the gardens of light, but to the frozen forests of hell. How I ended up here, why I was here—I didn’t know. And I desperately wanted answers. I had no memory of my real family. The woman who raised me was the most respected and beloved resident of our town. She had let me call her “mother,” had embraced me as if I were her own. For years, I had believed I was a Selenit. Until three years ago—when she told me the truth.
It took time for me to accept it. And when I finally did, she told me, “There's no need for anyone to know. You’re my daughter.” But things didn’t go the way she’d hoped. The fact that I was a Safir spread like wildfire overnight. Black-and-white photos of me were suddenly everywhere.
And here… On this side of the bridge, if someone from the other bloodline stepped onto the land without permission—it meant war.
I had two choices: Run and be brutally killed once they caught me… or surrender and be executed.
Mother told me to run. Told me I had to live, that if I could make it across the bridge—I might have a chance.
I didn’t know how I would prove to the Safirs that I was one of them, but she gave me a name—someone she believed could understand. How she knew all this, I had no idea. Maybe it came with age. Maybe it was something else. She only ever told me what I absolutely needed to know.
I had never seen the bridge she spoke of. Very few had. According to her, it was an old wooden bridge, overgrown with moss, linking the two continents at their closest point. Below the cliff, it was said, lay the bodies of traitors and criminals—burned by the King of Tamuğ himself before being thrown down. Stories like that… sent chills through my spine.
My once-white dress was now every color but white. It felt like the forest itself had been sewn into my skin. I was exhausted. Every part of me ached. But I pressed forward. I was so close to freedom.
I was freezing, starving, terrified. But I couldn’t stop. There was a promise I’d made to my mother. A promise that kept me from collapsing.
“I swear on my honor, Ülkem Atalay will survive, ma’am!”
My own voice echoed in my mind. My mother had raised me with discipline far beyond what was necessary—because she wanted me to survive. Sometimes, I felt like her soldier. But I knew it was because we were born into a war.
When I finally saw the bridge in full, a triumphant smile stretched across my dirt-streaked face. I had to endure. Just a few more steps.
Then—I saw a shadow at the other end of the bridge. Squinting, I realized it was a man. He was looking right at me. The misty, moonlit night did nothing to blur our connection. We locked eyes.
Why was he there? Was he going to stop me?
I wanted to cross—to end this nightmare. But his gaze turned my legs to stone. The feet that had carried me so far… forgot how to move. Emotions… were dangerous.
I pulled myself together and began limping forward. The moment I started moving, so did he. As we closed the distance between us, his face came into clearer view.
The young man, who appeared to be in his late twenties, had such stark contrasts between his snow-white skin and coal-black hair that it was as if some unseen force held those opposites together in perfect harmony. His strong build and the slim belt around his waist gave him a graceful look that made it hard to take my eyes off him. The moon seemed to shine only on him, as if trying to show his beauty to the whole world.
If I hadn’t known he came from Tamuğ’s border, I would’ve sworn he was a Selenit.
As he drew closer, I noticed his eyes—I had never seen anything like them. Mine were a calm ocean blue. His… were moonlight. Unreal! As if gifted by the gods. Maybe there was a mirror in them. But then—that light vanished. His eyes turned to coal.
Had I imagined it? Weren't those eyes moonlite?
His brows furrowed as he realized I was studying him. We met in the middle of the bridge. Face to face. Both was still standing.
He tilted his head slightly, narrowing his gaze. He was questioning me—who I was, why I was here. But if he hadn’t attacked me yet, perhaps he didn’t care much about bloodlines. He stepped closer. He was so tall, he could touch the stars if he stood on his toes. He leaned in, his whisper louder than the silence of the forest.
“Did you lose your way, little Safir?”
No... I had been so wrong to think everything would end with that single step. Everything… was just beginning.
