chapter 1 / panic
At least once in our lives, we question our taste in men or women. Many women prefer a kind-nice guy with stability who is smart and not mentally ill. And then there’s this small percentage of women who don’t want a nice guy. They need a monster-a psychopath. A mentally ill man who cannot be stopped.
I was sure until I met him that I belonged to the first group of women.
I was sure of many things before I met the psychopath.
Now he won’t let me be. He won’t let me breathe without his permission, without being in his presence. I’m caged in his embrace, and the worst-best thing is, I won’t ever be free.
• • •
The day we were all waiting for, and by ‘we’ I mean Freya, Jade, and I, has finally come. It was over for our finals, and everyone couldn’t wait to get drunk, including me. I’m not an alcoholic, but I do get drunk from time to time. It’s because of the academic stress, okay?
When Emery, my best friend of four years, told us she organized a party, we all jumped at her. She found the perfect cabin where at least fifty people could squeeze in. Although she invited many more people.
I’d been counting the days until I could finally get wasted. To not think about school or my family.
The day had come sooner than I’d thought.
I styled my long, dark chocolate hair into soft waves with my curler while Freya was throwing every piece of clothing out of her closet. Jade was dressed and ready to leave for the party, except that we had an hour before it started.
Emery told us to wear whatever we liked. There was no dress code. So, I decided to wear a black strapless top with a sleek leather mini skirt and high heels.
“Do you think she invited the whole school?” Freya asked us as she pressed some random dresses to her body and looked in the mirror.
“The whole school? You mean the entire town.” I laughed. “You know how crazy she gets with her parties. She’s unstoppable.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” Freya nodded and threw the dresses on the ground, picking up something else.
“She will get drunk the minute the party starts.” Jade chimed in.
I looked at her and chuckled. “Aren’t you used to it by now? Emery doesn’t change overnight.” I roamed my hands through the strands of my hair.
Emery has always been a little crazy, and not just with partying. We might sound like we complained, but it’s not like that at all. We are merely looking out for her.
Last year, there was an incident where she got so wasted we couldn’t find her. We searched the entire town, but we failed. Thankfully, Emery’s brother was quick enough to find her, and we could all take a deep breath.
Emery wasn’t allowed to party or make them happen because of it. So if she would fuck up again like the last time, we would all say goodbye to drinking and partying together.
“Is the black or the red dress better, girls?” Freya asked, and we both studied the dress. But the truth is, she would look fabulous in either of them.
“Definitely black,” Jade stated.
“Agree,” I said.
Freya listened to us and didn’t throw that gorgeous dress to the floor like the other hundred.
After that, we listened to some music to get in the partying mood and drank some wine we had hidden. Jade secured our pickup to the cabin. It was a guy named Kaiden. They both liked the same type of music and clothing style, making them a perfect match. However, Jade is a bit shy, so Kaiden is still friend-zoned. Poor guy. He can’t tear his eyes away from her.
He picked us up exactly on time, and the drive there was cool. He wasn’t speeding as I expected him to, probably because of Jade. He cared about her safety.
It took us twenty minutes to get there, and when we caught sight of numerous cars and people, our mouths were open. So far, this has been the biggest party we’ve been to outside of a club.
After Kaiden parked, we moved inside to greet our friend Emery. It didn’t take us long to find her. She was on the couch, making up with somebody. Her bleached-blond hair was pin-straight. Her makeup was smoky and dramatic. She wore a pink minidress with tiny straps and high pink heels. She looked perfect as always.
All of us strode toward her, and as we stopped a few feet away, I coughed.
“Didn’t the party start just fifteen minutes ago?” I asked, and she tore her mouth from the guy’s face.
“OMG! You’re all finally here.” She shrieked and jumped at us, hugging us tight. I could smell the alcohol emanating from her mouth.
“You’re going to choke us to death!” Freya yelled.
Emery finally released her grip and giggled. “Sorryyy, I’m just so pumped and ready to party until the morning!” She shouted.
Jade shook her head. “This won’t end well.”
And she was right.
Somehow, I was sitting on a guy’s lap, which I didn’t know. He wasn’t ugly, but he wasn’t really my type. His hands were all over my body, and I didn’t feel completely comfortable. But it’s been so long since someone laid their hands on me. I needed to feel wanted for a couple of minutes.
Freya and Jade were dancing in the middle of the room with a bunch of girls and boys, and Emery was nowhere to be found.
My vision was blurry, and my body moved from side to side. I wasn’t exactly okay. None of us was, but that was the whole point.
Drink until you’re drunk.
Everyone was having a good time. Laughing and dancing. Kissing and fucking.
I grabbed the drink the guy I was sitting on had and swallowed it quickly. It burned my brain off, and I had to stop breathing for a second.
I managed to get up and dart to the girls. Freya clutched my hands and brought them up. We were swinging our bodies and singing to the song that was playing.
After many shots, I, Freya, and Jade were lying outside on the grass. The lake was near, so we would rather stay lying down than end up drowning in the water.
Emery was still nowhere to be found, and even though I was wasted, I still worried for her. However, I couldn’t get up on my own and search for her.
“Do you think life is worth living?” Jade started. “We will be bones and ash soon anyway. Who cares about college when we should enjoy our life being rich somewhere in Dubai?”
Freya and I laughed hysterically. I mean, she was right.
“Maybe you should finally give Kaiden a chance instead of dreaming about impossibility,” Freya muttered.
“Don’t be such a bitch. You haven’t dated in a year.” Jade snapped back, taking a sip of vodka. Gross. I hated that shit.
While they were arguing, as always when they got drunk, I closed my eyes, my head floating in circles, and my ears filled with the chaos. After all, I hated partying, or rather, this particular part of it.
Suddenly, Emery come out of the cabin, fury across her face. Some seconds later, a guy appeared behind her. He was tall-like, really tall. His black hair was a little long and messy, and he was smoking a cigarette like he was in a hurry to finish it.
I couldn’t see him well as everything around me spun, but I had never seen him before.
I raised my hand and started to wave. “Where have you been??!!” I shouted, and Emery snapped her eyes at me. So did the guy.
Freya and Jade were still fighting, and I started to laugh. It all looked very comical to me.
Out of nowhere, Emery appeared in front of me. She crouched down and caressed my cheek.
“I can’t let them go back to dorms like this.”She whispered, and my eyes shut. My eyelids were too heavy.
“No. You don’t get it. You have to do it. For me, please.”She said.
That’s where I blacked out and then woke up in the backseat of a car. I turned my head slowly to the side and saw Freya and Jade sleeping next to me. Their heads on each other’s shoulders.So cute.
My gaze moved back to the passenger seat. The guy who was speaking with Emery was driving the car. My eyes shut again. I fell asleep, and when I awoke, Freya and Jade were no longer sleeping next to me.
My vision was clear, and my head no longer spun crazily. I felt much better, but I was still wasted.
I focused on the passenger seat, and it was empty. The car sat still. Engine off. Silent. My heart pulse quickened as panic set in. I tried to open the door, but it was locked.
Was I kidnapped? Why is no one in the car beside me? Where are Freya and Jade?
I searched for my purse and found it beside me. I quickly opened it and snatched my phone. It only had one percent left.
The door suddenly opened, and the mysterious guy got in. He shut the door and let out a deep sigh. He was dressed all in black. Black hoodie and black sweatpants. Hood on his head.
I swallowed hard and looked out of the window to maybe recognize where I was. But it was still dark, almost morning. I couldn’t see a thing. Even the windows were tinted.
I glanced into the review mirror to see the face of a man who had kidnapped me, but it seemed I was already being watched.
The guy’s gray eyes pierced through mine. Those eyes looked like they could kill me. They held darkness in them.
My heart went into a frenzy; I began panting.
Before I could scream or shout, I suddenly couldn’t breathe, and this time I blacked out for longer than a couple of seconds. It’s because I fainted.
