I'll Choose Us

I sat on the mat with my legs stretched out, back propped against the sofa, and my two-year-old nephew Rian snuggled in my lap—cheeks flushed, hair damp from his usual afternoon chaos, and eyelids heavy from fighting his nap like it was his life’s mission. “Ma—Mashi,” he mumbled, his little voice drowsy but delighted, lips curling into a sleepy smile as he leaned further into me.

I didn’t know how one word—that word—spoken in his soft, gummy voice could undo me like this. But it did. Every time my heart melted right there. “I’m here, baby,” I whispered, pressing a kiss to his warm forehead. “Mashi’s not going anywhere.”

Krithi, Krithika Saxena, my older sister sat a few feet away, legs crossed, half-focused on folding laundry while her eyes kept drifting back to us. She hadn’t said anything for a while, just watching us in that way only an older sister could—equal parts tired, amused, and silently grateful. “I swear he’s happier to see you than me these days,” she teased, a small smirk curling her lips.

“Don’t be jealous,” I said with a quiet laugh. “He knows you’re the boss. I’m just the backup clown who brings snacks and action figuresh.” I winced at myself. "Action figures,” I corrected quickly. The ‘sh’ had slipped in again. It didn’t happen often, but when it did—especially in moments like these—I felt it catch on my tongue, tripping up my otherwise calm exterior. Krithi glanced at me. “You still do that sometimes?" I gave a nonchalant shrug. “Only when I’m… I guess, relaxed. Or not thinking too much.”

Or when I feel safe.

She nodded. “You never had that stutter when you were yelling at me to return your books.” “That’s because I had righteous fury then,” I said, smiling faintly. Rian shifted again in my lap, now fully sprawled out across my legs, his small hand gripping the hem of my t-shirt like he was afraid I’d disappear. I held him a little tighter.

“Any chance you’ll stay the full week?” Krithi asked after a beat, her tone light, but her eyes hopeful. I hesitated. “I… I - hopefully,” I said slowly, carefully. “But I’m on standby. If something comes up, I might have to leave earlier. Otherwise I'm leaving on 6th and I've got 9 whole days with my baby... Right?” I picked up Rian as he squished my cheeks with his baby palms. She didn’t respond immediately. Just nodded, folding a tiny t-shirt with more care than necessary.

“Dhriti?" She spoke softly.

"Yeah?" I looked up, waiting for her response.

"I hate your job sometimes,” she finally said.

“Yeah,” I murmured, “s-so do I.”

I leaned my head back against the couch and closed my eyes for a moment. The kind of silence that exists only in homes—peaceful, lived-in, full of unspoken words—wrapped around us like a blanket. Somewhere outside, a pressure cooker hissed, and a bike honked in the lane below.

“He misses him, doesn’t he?” I said after a while, gently stroking Rian’s hair. Krithika exhaled slowly. “I think so. He doesn’t have the words yet. But… sometimes, when he looks at the front door and waits… I just know.”

His father. Probably guiding a ship somewhere through unpredictable waters, steering steel and duty through the ocean’s endless belly. Far away from land. Far away from this little boy whose world revolved around bedtime songs and rubber ducks. And too far to say “I miss you” when it mattered most.

Krithi’s voice was quiet. “Sometimes silence is louder than anything.” We fell into it again. The silence. But this time, it felt different. Heavy. I looked down at Rian, now fast asleep, thumb in his mouth, breathing soft and even. He looked so much like his father when he slept—same nose, same jawline. But he had Krithi’s quiet strength. Her fire. And maybe, just maybe, a little of my recklessness too. “These two,” I whispered to myself, “they’re my favorite part of the world.”

These two were actually my peace in my life. They are the reason why I still remember what a family is. I kissed his forehead as he giggled. Krithi looked at me then, and for once, she didn’t joke. Didn’t tease. Just smiled—warm and real.

“And you’re ours.”

I smiled back, eyes stinging slightly, and pulled Rian a little closer. Even if I had to walk back into danger soon… today, I was home. Today, I was Mashi. And that was more than enough.