Should Ex's Stay Friends....or Nah?

It’s hard to end a relationship - that’s a fact. We invest time, energy, money, and emotions that we can’t get back, all seemingly for nothing. Our futures, as we knew them, are forever altered.

With all of the unexpected change that comes along with a breakup, it’s natural to consider trying to salvage some semblance of normal, by attempting to remain friends with your ex. I mean, the breakup wasn’t that bad, was it? Even though the relationship didn’t workout, you two can still be friends, right?

Should ex’s stay friends? is an age-old dating topic that always seems to rear it’s ugly head - whether you’re the “new boo” that doesn’t understand your partner’s close relationship with their ex, the “old boo” that’s trying to dodge their ex’s friendship proposals, or the person that wants to stay friends with everybody.

To address this topic, consider what it means to be in a relationship with someone. In essence, it means that you’re involved with, associated with, and connected to that person. Relationships not only symbolize love, they also symbolize a form of dependence, an alliance, and mutual dealings. All of these words and concepts about relationships, can easily be summarized as attachment - relationships represent a form of attachment.

Ironically, the definition of a friend is also based on attachment. A friend is “a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.” We support and give assistance to our friends; we’re on good terms with our friends.

Typically, before you start dating someone, you establish a friendship with them first. You have fun with and support one another, to the point where you two want to level-up from just friends to being in a relationship. Even throughout a romantic relationship, friendship is still at its core. Relationships and friendships go hand in hand - you can’t have a successful relationship without first having a successful friendship.

So when a relationship ends and you’ve declared that you don’t want to be attached to that person anymore, is it really ok to still be friends?

If the relationship ended, then something happened to break the connection that was once there. Whether it’s as small as not having time or growing apart, or as big as dishonesty and infidelity, something exists that made one or both parties prefer to be alone or with someone else, over staying in the relationship.

That being said, realistically, it’s pretty difficult to end a relationship attachment with someone, while still trying to hold onto a friendship attachment. How broken up are you if you still do the same things with your partner that you used to, just without the “title?” And since relationships are built on friendships, how long will it be before you fall back into old relationship patterns with your ex if your friendship is still popping.com?

As with all cases, there are exceptions to this. There are people that maybe never should’ve dated in the first place, that end up being great friends. There are people that dated or were married and just fell out of romantic love with one another, that remain friends. But in most cases, it’s next to impossible to actually stay friends with an ex; someone will inevitably end up either getting hurt or falling back into old habits.

The safest way to handle an ex is to just be “cool.” Maybe you run into each other every once in a while - it’s ok to speak, and to briefly catch up. Maybe you even help them out if they really need it, pending that you don’t hate them and that they aren’t trying to take advantage of you - you’re all for the good karma that’ll come your way from helping them. But no, you aren’t besties, you don’t need a reason to talk to them, you aren’t even friends; you’re reduced to being associates, at best.

So basically - Nah, ex’s shouldn’t be friends.

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