Prologue
Keisha
There is a courtroom in my head. Not the tupe with judges and wooden benches. But the kind where three voices in my head (made up by me) debates ny every move.
Imp is chaos. She is the sassy queen if you like. The mouthy one. The one who doesn’t believe in rules. She brings the heat to the party.
Shield is my armour. Ready to strike, defend and protect. He keeps me in check. Focused.
And then in every trio we have the compass. The wuiet observer. The clarity. That’s Guide. He keeps me calm, steady and moving when I feel like giving up.
This voices speak to me when I am silent. Argue when I am in doubt. Confort me in the quiet. Do not mistake them for an imaginary friend. They are more than that. They are me. Split into three - they tell me the truth I try to hide and they guide me.
I didn’t name them to be a weirdo. I named them because I need them to survive, to not feel alone. In this world that demands answers and perfection that I surely do not have, this voices are there to cheer me within. To make me look tough on the outside but scared and vulnerable on the inside.
I don’t always agree with them. I treat them as my friends, my family. And together we will survive this world. Ans I surely do not need someone else apart from them. Never will i find a reason to feel vulnerable to any human being, because I am enough.
Some people pray. Some go to therapaist. Somw talk to people they trust. But I?
I talk to myself. And sometimes I listen.
But then he came along. And for many reasons that I am unable to mention, I find myself being open to him. My Shield has been knocked off. He didn’t even have to try for me to pour myself out to him. It is scary having to be vulnerable to someone that is not yourself.
Michael
There is no name for the isolation in my head. My father’s expectations being the only voice which I hear. And I have no choice but to bear this pressure as the next heir.
I don’t have to name my thoughts, I just silent them. A trick I was forced to learn in order to survive. Turning myself to being a perfection for my father. I guess that is the price I have to pay for being the first and only son of the CEO of the Wise Ltd company.
I am not permitted to break down. Or ask for help. Or make mistakes. Or even get tired. And when I can’t take it all, I distarct myself with football, school and going out with friends. And hang out with girls that don’t care about as I do for them. After all that is why I have been called soft by my father.
But then she came along. Not a good way to have met her but it turned out to be the beat thing in my life. The best human ever there is. She made me see reasons to fight. She sees I am human and I am not perfect. She permits my mistakes and excuses my imperfections. She makes me see myself as human. Opposite of what my father sees.
And I find myself holding onto her. To hold onto my light. Hold onto my OWN. Because I fear that if I let go - even just a light hold she could vanish. And I will forever be in the dark.
Blinded by a world of white and grey.
