Chapter 1: A broken heart
What does it feel like to be loved? Huh! I guess I will never know, I said to myself while looking at the sky.
"Lily!" An aggressive voice rang out.
It was my stepmother.
"Again, again and again, you ranked 3rd in your class! Why can't you be 1st? Why can't you focus on your studies? I'm wasting my money on you for this." She slapped me again, for the 5th time this month, but this time it was harder, leaving a handprint on my cheek that lasted for weeks.
I try and try, but I just can't. Just to complete my syllabus and studies, I starve myself to death. All my class schedules overlap, but I still try-yet I never receive any appreciation.
Why can't I love like other students? Why can't I live like other students? Do I not deserve care or love? I thought, my eyes shedding tears, smearing ink all over my notebook.
"Stop your crying now!" My stepmother shouted at me, threatening to not give me any food for three days just because I came 3rd instead of 1st. I didn't have any food for three days and was forced to study for 10 hours a day. My brain felt like it was going to explode, but still, I had to study.
Three days passed, and finally, on the 4th day, I was given some food. I ate and asked for more, but she refused to give me any.
My mother died when I was 3. My father couldn't manage everything on his own, so he remarried my stepmother, Alex. She was kind to us for a few years, but when my father left the city for his business, the situation worsened. She started beating me, not giving me food, and the only thing she told me to do was study. I did, but she was never satisfied with my results.
My father is coming back in two weeks. I hope that after his arrival, maybe her nature will change, even if it's just for a day.
The only thing I can hope for now.
I am thinking of moving to LA to escape this torture every day. Maybe when my father comes, I will ask him about it.
Also, my current school isn't great. The only thing that happens there is dating. Everyone is trapped by societal expectations, trying to gain popularity, and I don't like it. But to survive there, I have to fit in. No one likes me because of my face. I love my face, but why don't they?
To survive the everyday hell in school, I feel like I have to get a boyfriend. But no one wants to be my boyfriend , because they think my face and beauty is just not according to their societal expectations or maybe it's just that I don't want anyone because no one there deserves a chance. I have a bright future-I mean, I can have a bright future-but the students there, I don't think they have one. Or maybe it's just that I don't know what it's like to be loved, or how it feels to be loved. I think it's just my fault i didn't receive any love after my mother's death which has made me cold - hearted .
