Broken

Chapter One

She was falling.

Tumbling into the darkness. All around her she could see nothing, but the thick, emptiness of the void. She could hear nothing but her own frantic breathing. The terror was real, she was dying. She had no recollection of how she came to be there, or anything that happened before.

Suddenly she stopped. Hanging suspended in the nothing, she realized she could hear a buzz. The buzz grew louder and louder, until there was a sudden quiet pop, and a person appeared before her in the nothingness.

Rose gasped softly as she gained her orientation. “Who are you? Where am I?” She asked.

The person smiled. “I am Azriel.” They said, “I am an angel of God, and this is The Nothing.”

“The Nothing?” Rose asked.

“That isn’t important and could take days to explain. What is important is that you’re here early. You can’t be here.” Azriel told her.

“I don’t understand.” Rose said in despair.

“You’re not meant to. Come along.” Azriel said, offering Rose their hand. “Take my hand.” Rose hesitated. “You don’t want to stay here do you?”

“Where will you take me?” She asked, holding her hand back.

“To the place.” They answered off handedly, before grabbing Rose’s wrist. Rose had no idea what happened but the very next instant she was standing in another place. All around her were glowing orbs. There were billions upon billions of them, stretching in every direction, as far as she could see. The rippling dark blue-green floor reflected the glow of the orbs back at her, giving the whole place a soft glow of old incandescent lights. She thought if she could see above her she would see the ceiling strung with old Edison bulbs, like stars, but when she looked up all she saw was black, emptiness. Spread out around her cutting through the gentle ocean were lighted paths that seemed to shimmer and reflect the light around them along the sides, but reflected the void above them in the centers.

“What is this?” Rose asked in awe.

Azriel smiled. “To the earth they are the stars. For us a clever filing system of every event of eternity. This is every single thing that has happened or ever will happen or could happen. You may see anything you wish, when you wake, you will not remember any of this. Stay as long as you like. I will provide you with a key. You can not change or affect anything inside these, you can only observe. Just think of a moment in time, or an event that you wish to observe, or even a person you want to know about, a light will guide you to the correct orbs. Tap the orb you wish to view and you’ll be able to see the event or events you wish to view first hand exactly as they happened or will happen or could happen, as long as you wear the key. When you’re finished viewing the event, hold your key in your right hand and it will bring you back here.” Rose took a deep breath and looked down at the key that now lay in her palm.

“How do I get back? I mean...how do I go home, back to where I was before The Nothing?” She asked.

“Just think of the person you love the most, hold your key in your hand, and then tap your key to any orb. I must depart now. See you.” They said, and with a soft pop they were gone. Rose opened her mouth to speak, but she was alone.

“I don’t know who that is.” She said softly with a sigh. She stood studying her key, it was small and golden, with a long white ribbon around the top. She tied it around her neck, then picked it up again. She turned about looking at the orbs around her and wondered how any of it worked. She had been given almost no information at all. She had no idea what she wanted to see or if she wanted to see anything. She shifted from foot to foot a bit nervous. She stood still for a long time, trying to recall how she’d gotten there, she had been at the manor only moments before. Now she stood in a vast library of every thing that could or would be or had been. Thinking of the manor made her think of the men she had been living with. She was startled when a light in the floor lit up moving away from her and toward hundreds of thousands of lit orbs a little ahead of her. She took a breath and moved toward them. She hadn’t realized how many orbs she might summon with such a simple thought. There were so many that were lit around her she wasn’t certain where to begin.

Rose moved toward the lit orbs. She hadn’t realized how easy it would be. As she got closer, she tried to discern what the events were, but they weren’t labeled, just a list of numbers in angelic, as far as she could tell they weren’t dates, they looked more like library call numbers or possibly case files. She waded into the middle of them, then shrugged, and tapped her key to one at random.

With a soft pop she found herself standing in a garden. The rolling lawns and majestic fountains gave an impression of grandeur. Rose wandered the garden for several minutes, unsure what she was seeing or where she was, when her attention was caught by a little boy with black hair darting past her, pursued by an older woman calling after him.

“Master Kade, please, slow down.” She called as she chased after him. Rose watched as the child darted into the hedgerow maze at the foot of a set of stone steps, she followed after him, as did the woman. “Master Kade, please, you have lessons soon!” She cried as she moved into the hedgerow maze after the small boy.

Rose kept up with Kade as he moved through the hedges. He looked mischievous, and Rose had a momentary recognition of the similarities between Kade and Milo. Kade was an adorable child, she was taken with him as she watched him duck into a space between hedges, hiding as the woman moved past him calling his name. He stayed still until she was well out of sight, then he climbed from between the hedges and ran back up the way he’d come, until he reached the top of the lawns. He moved quietly along the side of the house until he reached a path, and he followed it until he got to a garden. It had tall walls and a round gate in a moondoor. She watched him push open the gate and go inside. There was a swing hanging from one of the trees, a young woman with dark hair and sapphire blue eyes looked up as he came toward her quickly.

“Kade, my darling, what are you doing here?” She asked with a smile. “You should be in lessons with your tutor.”

“Yes mama, I know.” He said softly. “But I missed you.”

“I’m sorry my little love.” Rachel said gently, as she picked him up and put him on her lap. Rose wasn’t sure how she knew the woman’s name, but she did. She saw Kade’s mother and knew her name was Rachel, just as she knew the nurse maid chasing Kade was Rebecca. “But Father has wanted you to study hard, and he believes I am a distraction to you.” She replied, as she lifted her feet and allowed them to swing gently.

“Father always wants me to study hard.” Kade complained.

“Yes, because he has big plans for you. You are very special to him, and he expects great things from you.” She said as she cuddled him close. He leaned into her. There was a closeness between them that touched Rose. Kade had loved his mother, she could tell.

“I don’t like Master Burnstein.” Kade replied. “He hit me yesterday.”

“Oh no, my darling. Why would he do that?” Rachel asked gently.

“I got the answers wrong.” He replied sadly.

“Well then,” Rachel said softly, lifting his chin to look at her. “You must study harder, and get the answers right. You are a smart boy, and your father knows it.” She told him with conviction. “You must be better than your older brothers, my little love. Father is counting on you.” She told him before leaning down to kiss his forehead.

“I miss you.” He whined softly, before clutching on to her. “I want to play with you.”

Rachel sighed softly, stroking hair from her son’s face. “I know my darling, but you have reached an age that playing games is no longer your only responsibility. You’re six now, you must begin working to help your family. They are the most important thing, and your father expects you to help him one day. That is a very big job, and he’s going to rely on you to help him do it. Isn’t that exciting Kade?” She asked him with a happy smile.

“Father will want my help?” He asked with concern. “But I’m only little.” He told her with a note of fear in his voice.

“Oh my darling love, not today, not now, but your lessons, and your studies will one day help him. He only wants you to grow up smart and well so you can help him someday. Do you understand? Father doesn’t expect you to do anything but learn for now.” She told him gently, hugging him close to her. “You’re so very important to our family Kade Elios.” She told him as she allowed herself to swing, rocking him on her lap, giving him comfort and taking comfort in his nearness. It was obvious to Rose that Rachel cared deeply for her son. She wondered what had happened that had driven her and Victor apart.

“Mama, when I’m older will I have to do what Father does?” Kade asked.

“You will, but it’s not so bad. It’s nice to have such power, and you’ll be able to help so many others with such authority. You will be able to protect the weak, and feed the hungry, your father doesn’t have an eye for trivial things like that, but you do darling. You will help those that can not help themselves, you must.” She told him as she rocked on the swing. “If I’ve pushed you into this life for anything less, I will feel I’ve failed you and the world. You are my hope for a better future, one where your father trusts you to do his bidding. You could be kinder. You could protect others.” Rachel told him. Rose watched Rachel’s face, Rachel knew the burden she was placing on her small son, Rose could tell by the look on her face that she was worried about the things she said to him. Rose felt the weight of her words, they were heavy for such a small child. She suddenly understood some of his reserve, and some of his feelings of responsibility

“I don’t want to be away from you for so long.” Kade cried as he clutched at her sleeves. “Please mama, don’t make me.” He whined, tears running from his eyes.

“Mama doesn’t want to leave you my precious boy.” She said in a sweet voice. “It would only make me happy to spend everyday with you, like we used to, playing and laughing together, but Father thinks I’ve coddled you too much, my baby.”

“My tutor is mean.” Kade replied.

“Then find a way to make him nice.” Rachel replied. “Impress him, and he shall have no need to be mean.” She said gently. The look on her face said it troubled her that anyone might hurt her child, but there was little she could do to stop it. “Father loves you, he will be proud of you when you learn all the things you must know.” Rachel told him. “For now, let’s go for a walk. You’re getting overwrought by this talk.” She said as she slowly stopped the swing, and lowered her feet to the ground. She lowered Kade to the ground, before sliding from the swing, and taking his small fragile hand into hers. Kade looked up at her beaming, Rose could see that Rachel was the center of his world, and it touched her how deeply his love for his mother went.

Kade began to move down one of the garden paths, tugging his mother gently as he went. She giggled and kept up with him. Kade let go of his mother’s hand and darted ahead on the path, before coming back, then darting off again. He came back carrying a flower he’d pulled from one of the plants near the path. He presented it to her and she gave a gay laugh as she took it from him and sniffed it.

“It’s lovely darling.” She told him before she tucked the stem into her hair. Rose noticed Rachel was quite beautiful, and her clothes were very fine, embroidered with delicate flowers on expensive silk. She was an elegant sort, and Rose found her admirable in her gracefulness.

As they moved down the path Rachel and Rose lost sight of Kade. Suddenly Rose and Rachel heard screaming and the shriek of a hawk. As Rose and Rachel rounded a bend in the garden path, they saw the little boy crouching on the ground as he was viciously attacked by a hawk, a small furry animal a few feet away laying dead. Rose cried out in surprise when she saw the horrible scratch across Kade’s eye and cheek. He was screaming in pain, as the hawk swooped to attack him again, digging its talons into the boy’s face and neck. Rose didn’t hesitate and ran at the bird, before realizing she could do nothing to stop it, as she passed through both Kade and the hawk.

A moment later Rachel had a stone and threw it at the bird with such precision and power it knocked the hawk from flight, killing it dead, before she rushed to her son, gathering him against her, as blood poured from his face, his eye badly injured. He was crying and shaking fiercely as Rachel picked him up and carried him quickly away. Rose followed, concerned for the boy. Rachel was frantic as she rushed him inside and toward her bedroom, calling for the butler as they went, demanding him to call for Victor, and the maid. Rose watched as Rachel set Kade on her bed, and began trying to stanch the blood that gushed from the slashes to his face and eye.

“Mama, mama.” Kade cried as she tended to him. “I’m sorry mama!” He howled as she cleaned his cuts, frantically trying to stop the bleeding. As she did, the cut on his face began to stop their endless flow. Rose watched as they began to heal “Mama, I can’t see.” He cried and wailed.

“There now, there, my sweet boy.” She told him gently. “You must be brave.” Rachel told him softly, as she tried to remain calm. The bleeding from his cuts was slowing, and while the experience had frightened Kade badly, he seemed to be in the process of healing. A moment later a maid appeared at the door, and Rachel tugged her in, before shoving her to the floor beside the bed. “Kade, eat.” Rachel ordered. Rose watched as Kade gave the woman a small frown, then nodded and bit her. The maid cried out in pain and fear, but didn’t try to move, seeming too afraid of Rachel. Kade drank his fill, then shifted away. His face was completely healed when he lifted his head, but his eye was still damaged. He was young, and had been a weak child, excelling at the intellectual more than the physical. “It’s alright now.” Rachel said soothingly to Kade. “Get out.” She told the woman. The maid nodded and ran from the room. “Your injury is very severe my sweetheart. And because you’re so little you take longer to heal.” Rachel told him gently, as she brushed blood matted hair from his face. “It’s good, though, you are healing.” Rachel said as she hugged him, stroking her finger over his cheek. “You’ll need less blood than the others when you’re older.” She said with a smile. “I’m proud of you for stopping yourself with the maid. You have better control than other children your age.” She praised him.

“Mama, my eye still hurts.” Kade complained, reaching for his face. Rachel caught his wrist gently, kissing his hand softly.

“Mama’s here my beloved baby.” She told him softly as she cradled him. “It’s alright to bite me, little one.” She told him sweetly as he turned into her. She took a soft breath in when he did, but she cradled him gently, until he pulled away. Rachel held him watching his face, his eye seemed less swollen. “You should rest my darling. Does it still hurt?” She asked.

“Not as much.” He replied as he shifted away. “It’s better, I can see some.”

“Oh that’s very good.” Rachel said, a note of relief in her voice. Rose could still see the worry in her body language and on her face. She watched as Rachel went to a wash basin and poured water into the bowl. She wet a cloth and brought it and the bowl back with her to clean Kade’s face. She wiped the blood away, and cleaned it from his hair. She then went about cleaning the blood from his neck and ears. Several minutes passed before there was a knock on her door. She went to answer it and Victor came in with a hard look on his face.

“What have you let happen?” He demanded as he pushed inside the room. Rose was shocked to see that he looked exactly as he did when she met him nearly a thousand years later, she knew she shouldn’t be, but it was strange to see the same man so many years in the past.

“He was attacked by a hawk, Victor, my baby was attacked, why would you blame me?” She asked with sorrow. “I know you hate me, but could you at least pretend for our child’s sake?” She asked very quietly.

Victor gave her a long disagreeable sneer, before softening. “Father?” Kade asked from the bed when he realized his father was there. “Father?” He called again as he tried to sit up.

“It sounds like you had an exciting day.” Victor told Kade as he came to sit beside him on his wife’s bed, one they did not seem to share.

“I was attacked by a hawk!” Kade told Victor, then shook his head. “I was trying to save a bunny.” Kade explained.

“And why would you do something so inane?” Victor asked cooly.

“Because it was small and helpless.” Kade answered.

“You must stop caring for the weak, and begin caring about yourself. This would not have happened if you had been in your lessons today, and not with your mother.” Victor told him. “This is why you are not allowed to see her.” Victor admonished him. “It’s time you got some rest in your own room.” Victor said before picking Kade up and carrying him away. Kade was frantic and reached for Rachel, but she turned away from him, as though she couldn’t bear to look at him, as he sobbed and struggled when Victor carried him away. “Stop this nonsense, or I’ll send her away.” Victor warned Kade venomously. Kade stilled suddenly, crying into his arm as Victor took Kade up stone stairs and to his quarters. Rose took hold of her key, she had seen enough, she had known Victor was cruel, but she couldn’t bear to see him act so callously to such a small child, especially one she loved so much.

With a small pop she was back in the place she was before. Several orbs around her glowed, still and she was curious about the men she lived with and their past. She tapped her key to another orb a little ways away. She found herself in a wide field with several small stocky grazing horses. In the distance she saw several low round tents, with people around them. She moved toward them, unsure what she might find. It surprised her to see the twins laughing and chasing after one another rather suddenly. They were being followed by a pair of Mongolian women as they laughed and moved through the camp, greeting people, until they reached a tent and ducked in together. Rose watched and followed them, as a couple of women went into their tent as well. She watched as they began to remove theirs and the twin’s clothing. Rose grabbed her key, unsure she wanted to see them with other women, she felt it was too intimate and she turned away as there was a small popping sound and she was returned to where she was before.

She took in a heavy sigh. Seeing the twins made her think of their younger brother, and she wondered why he hated her so much. Several orbs lit, and she went toward them, curious about what they could hold, but slightly leery after her most recent encounter. She held her key, as though considering if she should test her luck again. She took a breath and tapped the key to the orb.

She was startled to hear people nearby. She turned to see a man with red hair speaking to a woman with red hair and green eyes. She watched as they stood close to one another, speaking quietly. The man’s tone was urgent, the woman, Violet, was fearful but reserved.

“You should tell him. I will protect you Violet.” James said, taking her hand. “I will protect you and my child.”

“James, you can’t.” She told him with fear. “If Victor ever finds out, if Victor ever knows, it will be the end of all of us. Reese is yours, but he is also mine, and now, he must be neither of ours, for he has to be Victor’s.” Violet told James. “I can not bear to see him hurt.” Violet told James.

“Then let me take you and my son away from here.” He said to her. “Come with me, tonight. While Victor is away.”

“I will.” She said firmly. “I’m going to leave Victor, but I have to assure my children are safe before I can go. I’m sorry.” She sobbed. “That means you will never have your son.” Violet said, Rose could hear the pain in her voice, and see it in her body language. “We will never have our son.” James seemed to understand how her words were hurting her and wrapped her in his arms in a loving embrace.

“You are my whole world. Come to me when you can. With my son or without. We will celebrate our joy and suffer our grief together from now on. I’ll wait for you at the tavern in Loxley. We’ll away together from there, my love.” James told her before kissing her passionately, then he broke away and left her there. Rose watched as Violet sank to the floor in despair, sobbing into her hands. Rose wished to comfort her, but she couldn’t. She wasn’t even certain she understood what was happening.

Eventually Violet’s sobs eased and she gathered herself together. She made her face placid, before leaving the room they were in, Rose followed. Violet went down a long corridor and into a small room. There was a very small red haired boy playing with wooden blocks sitting on a rug near a window, he looked to be less than two years old. She came toward him and scooped him up, putting him on her lap. She cuddled him and he turned toward her.

“My sweet boy. Your brothers have left us, and now I must depart, for your safety and mine, my beloved child.” She said, kissing his face and tickling him, delighting in his laugh, as he giggled and flailed as she tickled him more. He eventually shifted to hug her, holding onto her, as though she might leave him. “Please never forget mother loves you, Reese.” She told him softly.

“Mama. Ma. Mamaa maama mama.” Reese babbled softly at her. His sweet face was bright with the light of his mother.

She played with him and cuddled and nursed him for a very long time, before he seemed to tire, and fall asleep. Violet took him and placed him in his crib. She kissed his cheek, then covered him with a blanket. She stood over him for a long time, as though she were unwilling to part from him. Then as though she were tearing herself away, she turned from him, and left him there alone, her eyes filled with tears. Rose followed her back down the corridor, and into her room. She watched as the woman packed her belongings quietly. She gathered up all of her jewelry, and then changed her clothes. When she had packed up everything she could, she quickly called for a carriage. The things she was bringing with her were few, and she carried them with her in a small case, when she climbed into the carriage. Rose watched as the carriage departed, and she heard a baby crying behind her.

She went back in to find Reese in his crib, standing wailing. He was alone in the world, and she understood his despair. She moved toward him, sitting beside him, until an older woman came in quite some time later and picked him up. She soothed him and nursed him, when he seemed to calm she put him back to bed, and sat in a chair beside his crib. Rose was relieved to know he was not actually alone. While Rose held no love for the adult Reese, she had no hatred in her heart for a child. She wondered if he understood what was happening. If he knew that his mother did love him. She wondered how Victor would twist Violet’s escape and use it to hurt and twist her son against her.

As Reese slept, Rose took hold of her key again. To lose one’s mother so young, and for such a reason would be devastating, even if he never knew the true reason, she was certain Victor had told him she merely abandoned him. She thought there was no way Victor could know Reese was illegitimate. She doubted Victor would have allowed him to live. She was also certain Victor had used Violet leaving to control and hurt Reese. She found it shocking that Reese was not Victor’s child, but in some ways it made sense to her, things she had overlooked seemed to make more sense. She knew she wouldn’t remember any of it when she woke, but she was curious about what she might learn.

She had no way of knowing what any of the orbs held, and she had seen three events from the past, none of them had been anything pleasant to her. She thought of her mother, and the last Christmas they had spent together. A single Orb lit further away and Rose moved toward it, tapping her key to the orb when she reached it.

Rose was suddenly enveloped in warmth. She stood before the radiator of their old apartment in New York. There was a tiny plastic tree sitting on the kitchen table, and there were a handful of brightly wrapped packages around it. Rose saw her hand made ornaments dangling from the branches, and it struck her how awful they had been, but she recalled how proud of them she had felt, and how her mother had smiled and thanked her ‘for such beautiful ornaments.’ Her mother had been so kind when she was a kid.

She watched as her mother worked to bake a cake. Rose took up the kitchen chair to watch her. It struck Rose how much she missed her mother, and she found it hard not to cry for longing. Susanna mixed flour, eggs, milk, and honey in a bowl. Rose watched her add different things, and mix them more, before carefully pouring the batter into a pan and putting it in the oven. When she finished she came to sit in the chair beside Rose, and picked up her cup of coffee.

“I don’t know why you’re here.” Susanna said softly. “What drew you here to me now.” Rose was quiet, unsure what to say or who her mother was speaking to. “I know you can’t interact with me.” She said, looking at Rose as if she could see her. “You’re not meant to. I don’t know why you chose to snoop here and now, I don’t know who you are, but whatever you seek, I hope you find it.” Susanna said as she took a sip of her coffee.

“I just wanted to remember.” Rose said, fighting tears. Her mother didn’t answer, but it gave Rose some comfort to know her mother was aware of her presence. She sat in silence with her mother for a while, before Susanna got up and went to take the cake from the oven. She set it on the counter, before turning it out of the pan. She poured more honey over the top, and sprinkled it with a few chopped nuts and cinnamon. Rose could smell the cake, and it was the most delicious scent she could recall ever smelling. She longed for her mother, and in doing so she began to cry. Susanna came to sit beside her again.

“I can feel your pain.” She said softly. “It’s bitter sweet.” Rose sat with her mother, watching her as she sat staring into the space where Rose sat, knowing she couldn’t see or hear her. “Your energy reminds me of my daughter.” Susanna said with a small smile. “She’s very special. Good at spelling too. I love her more than anything. I truly hope she knows how much I love her.” Her words touched Rose, and she found it hard not to try to hug the woman before her. Just as Rose was regaining her control, a five year old version of herself came bounding into the kitchen.

“IT’S CHRISTMAS!” She screamed at the top of her small lungs. Then began to dance and sing in excitement.

“Honey, my darling, calm down.” Susanna said softly, as she got up and went about preparing breakfast for the child. Rose moved to watch from across the room, as the little girl climbed into her chair. Rose watched as her mother cut two slices of honey cake and brought them to the table, setting one down in front of the child, and taking up the chair again to eat her own. Rose watched as her mother and her child self ate the cake, her mother got her a glass of milk and refilled her coffee, then sat back down with her.

“Mommy, it’s Christmas. That means you get to open the presents I made you!” She said with great excitement. “And I get to see what you made me!” Her mother gave her a gentle smile and a nod.

“That is true. I know it isn’t as much as last year.” Her mother said sadly. “But I did make you something warm.”

“Oh mommy, I’m so happy. I was so excited I couldn’t even sleep last night.” young Rose said. She was almost vibrating with her energy. Susanna gave her a tired grin.

“I know, it’s why I heard you upstairs giggling.” She said flatly with a lifted brow.

“Sorry mama.” She said, looking into her milk.

“You’ll be tired this afternoon, it’s alright. I might just take a nap, as a gift to myself.” She told her daughter with a smile.

“That’s not how the gift of the Madgi goes! You can’t give to yourself. The gifts were thoughtful and selfless. Brought from miles and miles away, buy horses carrying scholarly men. Remember mama?” Rose asked. It was one of her favorite Bible stories, the birth and early childhood of Christ. Her mother had told her all about it when she was little. It was part of why Christmas was her favorite holiday.

“Yes my love. I’m very familiar with the story, I told it to you, if I recall correctly.” Susanna replied with a smile.

“Oh. Yeah.” Rose said as she stuffed cake into her mouth. “The cake is really good this year.” Rose watched herself eat, remembering the taste, as sadness welled up inside her. She watched her mother, she didn’t eat much of her cake, and gave her portion to the child. As a little girl Rose had never noticed that her mother went without for her.

“Books and selfless gifts, right?” Her mother asked. “Then perhaps you could give me a nap?” Susanna asked with a warm smile.

“You want to nap? On Christmas?” Rose protested. “There’s snow outside!”

“Rosy, that’s why I want to nap.” Susanna complained with a tired laugh.

“You’re always tired.” The child replied.

“I haven’t always been. I used to be fun, flitting around to all the best parties, and get-togethers. Now I’m just a boring normal old mom. My wings have been clipped.” Her words were spoken dramatically and Susanna laughed good naturedly as she saw Rose eying her presents. Susanna slid two of the four wrapped gifts toward her child. “These are for you, a gift from God to make you wise.” She got excited as she took the presents from her mother, and opened the first. It was a hardbound journal. She still had it.

The second gift was a scarf her mother had made. It was uneven and had a weird line of backward stitching down half of it, but it had been soft. Her father had destroyed it, in a drunken stupor when he’d used it to clean up beer and cigarette ash. Rose had cried bitter tears over the scarf, because she had loved it from the moment she saw the look on her mother’s face when she thought Rose didn’t. It had been the most thoughtful, selfless, gift Rose had ever received. Her mother worked a lot and she had little time to herself. The adult Rose understood what the gift meant to her mother now, in a way that her child self never could.

Young Rose slid her gifts toward her mother. She had made them at school for her. “These are for you, a gift from God to make you wise.” Rose told her mother, as her mother smiled and opened the gifts set before her. One was a small clay bowl Rose had made at school.

“Oh Honey.” Her mother said softly as she picked it up. “Did you make this?”

“Yes Mama. One side is a little bit droopy. The teacher said it fell in the kiln.” Rose said with embarrassment .

“I think it’s lovely. You did a wonderful job. I will treasure this for as long as I live.” She said, setting it aside gently to open the second gift. It was a popsicle stick picture frame with a photo of Rose inside. Susanna grinned at the adorable smile looking up at her. Then gave her daughter a big smile. “This is a very good photo of you.”

“I’m so happy you like it!” Rose cried before hopping from her chair and hugging her mother. “Thank you for my journal and new scarf.” She said as they clung to one another. “May I go read?”

Susanna nodded. “You may. Don’t forget we have lunch at the church today.” Rose giggled.

“I won’t Mama.” She said, before letting her go and going up to her room. Once her daughter was out of the room, Susanna looked over at where Rose stood. She came back and sat at the table. It seemed as though she could sense Rose’s presence, more than just the fact of her presence, but that Susanna could tell where she was. Susanna got up and gathered the plates and cups. She put them in the sink, then gathered up the wrapping paper and threw it away. She washed the dishes and then covered the honey cake.

She looked so young, and yet so tired. Rose hadn’t remembered how tired her mother was. She had always found time to do the things Rose wanted, or asked her to do. Susanna never made her feel as though she were a burden, nor did she ever give Rose any clue to her own personal struggles. She had been completely in the dark as to her lineage until Damien had exposed her to the truth. She might have never known if it had not been for the Elios family.

Susanna came and sat in her chair again, a fresh cup of coffee in hand. She sipped it as she watched the snow fall. Rose remembered it snowed until noon, and that she and her mother had to walk to the church in the snow, but that it had stopped by the time they left to go home. It had been a very happy Christmas. One that Rose often thought of when she felt lonely around the holidays. Rose longed to spend time with Susanna, her heart ached that she couldn’t communicate with her. She only wished she could ask her questions.

“Whoever you are,” Susanna said softly, breaking the long silence. “I hope you find what you came here for. I wouldn’t know you were there, had I not once been an angel of God.” Susanna sighed softly. “But even for my sin, I was happy to fall, if it meant bringing her into the world. I protected her.” Rose felt for her mother, she had never said any of those things to her as a child, Rose had had no idea about her mother’s origins. “I can’t tell her yet, she isn’t old enough to know, but I want to. I tell her she is so special every day, but she doesn’t understand. I’ll tell her one day.” Susanna mused softly as if to herself. “I hope to tell her one day. How brightly she shines. It’s been difficult to hide her.” She fell silent after that, as she watched the snow through the window as it gently sifted from above.

Rose was struggling not to break down, she had wondered why her mother hadn’t told her. She had questioned if she had ever been going to tell her. Suddenly Rose was seeing her mother in a new light, with new struggles she had never considered. Her mother had truly wanted what was best for her, and would have eventually explained things to her. As her vision blurred with tears, she took hold of the key, and thought of the place she had been.

She sank to the floor crying when she reached the place with all the orbs. Her heart was broken at the loss of her mother, and she found it hard to find consolation just then. She allowed her emotions to flow forth as she grieved her mother for a second time.