Hold Me As I Am

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Summary

Love isn't always kind. Sometimes, it's brutal. Raw. Unforgiving. And real. Ava Monroe thought she knew what love looked like - until Julian Reed moved into the apartment across from hers. A jazz musician with quiet eyes and a voice that felt like smoke, Julian isn't like anyone she's ever known. He doesn't chase her. He doesn't try to fix her. He just sees her - and that's what makes him dangerous. What starts as a coincidence quickly turns into oxygen. But loving someone like Julian means confronting every fear, every flaw, and every part of herself she's tried to bury. This isn't a love story with perfect endings. It's a story about choosing someone again and again - even when it hurts. Especially when it hurts.

Status
Ongoing
Chapters
2
Rating
n/a
Age Rating
16+

Chapter 1 - Before the Fall

New York smelled like rain and burnt pretzels that night. I remember it because I hated the smell — but I loved that night.


I was walking fast. Not because I had anywhere to be, but because staying still made me feel like a sitting target. I'd just left a publishing meeting in Midtown, my heels killing me, and all I wanted was my bed and silence. My phone was buzzing in my bag. I knew it was Ryan, my ex. I didn't want to hear another apology for the version of love he couldn't give me.


Then I saw him.


Julian Reed.


He was outside a bar on 14th Street — not smoking, not waiting for anyone — just standing there like he was trying to figure out the sky. There was something about him. The way he leaned into stillness. The way he didn't notice me right away. The way I felt like I'd seen him in a dream I'd never had.


I slowed down.


He looked up.


And that was it.



"Cold night," he said.


His voice was lower than I expected. Like velvet dragged across gravel.


I didn't respond. I just looked at him — black coat, gray t-shirt, a single silver ring on his middle finger. He looked like a story I hadn't read yet. Dangerous in the quiet kind of way.


"You always stare at strangers this long?" he asked, tilting his head.


"Only when they're interesting," I replied before I could stop myself.


He smirked. Just a little. It didn't reach his eyes.


"You want to come in?" he asked. "There's music. Real music. Not that Spotify crap."


I should've said no. I had work in the morning. I had a list of reasons not to follow a stranger into a dim bar in a city that eats girls like me for dinner.


But I went in anyway.



The bar was low-lit and sticky and full of stories. It smelled like whiskey and sweat and saxophone smoke. A jazz trio was playing in the corner — raw and real, like they weren't trying to impress anyone. Just feel something.


Julian led me to the back. He didn't ask for my name. I didn't offer it. We sat side by side on a leather couch torn at the edges, knees barely touching.


We didn't talk for a while.


We just listened.


I watched him as he watched the music. He didn't blink much. His fingers tapped the rhythm on his thigh. I could feel his energy — like he was constantly holding something back. Like if he let it out, the whole room might break.


I liked that about him.


"I come here to breathe," he finally said.


"Do you forget how to breathe sometimes?"


"All the time."


I nodded. We were the same kind of broken.



By the time the music stopped, I felt like I knew him. Not the surface stuff — not what kind of music he liked or where he worked — but the things that mattered. The weight he carried. The sadness in his mouth. The silence between his words.


"Walk you home?" he asked.


"No," I said. "But you can walk with me."



Outside, the rain had turned into mist. The city glowed gold and wet.


We walked without touching. He asked if I believed in fate.


"No," I said. "But I believe in timing."


"What's this then?" he asked, his voice rougher now.


"Bad timing," I replied. "But maybe that's the only kind worth remembering."



When we reached my building, I didn't ask him to come up.


He didn't ask to.


He just looked at me like he wanted to say something — but didn't. Like he wanted to kiss me — but wouldn't.


He stepped closer.


The world stilled.


"You've got eyes that look like they've seen too much," he whispered.


"You've got hands that look like they've held back too much," I said.


And then I walked away.


Without names.


Without numbers.


Without a single promise.


Just the kind of silence that fills your lungs for days.



But fate, or timing, or whatever the hell you want to call it —

wasn't done with us yet.


Because two weeks later, I saw him again.

Only this time, he wasn't a stranger outside a bar.


He was the new tenant moving into the apartment directly across from mine.


And this time, we didn't look away.