Damn it, Emile.
Emma.
Just Emma.
What a lovely, normal name, yes? A name that in most cases usually belongs to a well rounded, white blonde girl from Oregon or something.
A name that belongs to someone the polar opposite to me...and yet, here we are. My parents gave me the name Emma, not expecting their little supposedly white, bikini wearing girl would grow to hate that name. Not really the name itself, but the general feel of it.
It sounds just...so girly-so much so that it forced me into pink dresses and pointlessly gendered things. For 11 years, I was Emma. The straight, cutesy girl everyone knew loved glitter and unicorns and all that barf.
Than, middle school happened.
Suddenly, Emma died. Not in the dramatic, car crash murder way your thinking of now. She just slowly stepped back. And Emile took over.
My real self took over from that point on.
First day at Hamilton Burr Middle. Weird name, I know. That was what I was thinking as I walked up the litter filled staircase to the front of the school. Equiped with a blue backpack, black hoodie, and a racing heart, I stepped into the main office.
The lady at the desk smiled at me, and politely asked what I needed.
"I umm..just needed... a map...if you guys had some..." I said, wincing as I could feel the awkwardness I was creating.
"Oh, of course dear! Could I get your name for the school records? Something I gotta do to keep the district happy."
I felt my face go red; I had been dreading this question since when the first registration forms were being filled out. I had promised my self that the next time someone asked about my name, I would say Emile, Emile Washington. Here was my chance. I took a deep breath, swallowed my fear, and said...
"It's Em-...Emma. Emma Washington."
Damn it, Emile.
Remember what I said about swallowing my fear? Well, the fear just regurgitated and spilled out. Lovely...just lovely.
The secretary smiled and handed over a map of the school. It seemed one had been premade, with all my classrooms circled in red Sharpie.
"Your parents pre-order a map for you Emma. Funny thing is, they were VERY insistent about your name, Emma Washington. There are a lot of kids named that in this school, though!" She chuckled as she went back to filing papers behind her.
I signed, mumbled a thank you, and left the office with my head bowed low. Yeah, totally the reason why my parents were insistent...right.
I looked down at the clubs list on the side of the map. It was all the usual stuff like Drama, Mathletes, Robotics. But one caught my eye. The Rainbow Club.
'This club is for pride students and allies alike! Meet every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday in room 203 at lunch to meet fellow LGBTQIA+ members and connect with them! Everyone is welcome, no matter your race, age, religion, gender, or sexuality!'
This caught my eye, and got me curious about if others here also felt the way I feel. I made a mental note to check it out tomorrow at lunch before racing off to my home room.
