The Ocean
Crash—Waves beat against the rocks, white spray flying. Looking out, the sea stretched vast and endless; looking down, its depths were unfathomable.
The sea breeze, still carrying its salty tang, whistled past, cooling the faces of passersby.
A young man, around twenty-four, smoked. He wore a black shirt, unbuttoned and open at the front in the seaside air. His eyes were vacant, his eyelids heavy and dark, the skin beneath bloodshot – he looked like he hadn't slept for days. His hair was dyed pink, strands falling over his eyes, hiding his expression. He stood quietly, gazing at the expanse of blue. The setting sun hung over the water; the sea sunset was breathtakingly beautiful.
"Haa—" Cang Huayu exhaled, smoke curling from between his fingers. The cool sea breeze instantly scattered it. "Brother," he murmured to himself, smoke still on his lips, "see how the smoke scatters? Isn't it like us? Like us, who can never meet again?"
A little girl crouched beside him on the sandy beach near the rocks, playing. She had built a small castle. "Brother, look! Is my castle good?" She smiled brightly, pride shining in her eyes.
He turned to look. He froze. It reminded him of the castle he and Yu He had built long ago. His gaze softened. He gently touched the girl's hair. "Xiao Mei, it's lovely. But it's getting late now, let's head home."
"Mm! Okay!" Cang Mei beamed.
"Goodbye, brother... I'll come see you again." Cang Huayu stubbed out his cigarette. He took a picture of the sunset sea and Cang Mei's little sandcastle, then left the shore.
Inside the car, Cang Huayu chatted with his sister while music played through the Bluetooth speakers.
"Brother~ I want this," Cang Mei said, holding up her tablet to show him a page on Taobao.
"Alright, alright, I'll get it for you," Cang Huayu sighed, a faint smile touching his lips. "You... I can never say no to you."
"Hehe!" Cang Mei giggled with delight.
He usually didn't indulge her shopping whims. But this time, he'd caught a glimpse of the item she wanted: a keychain identical to one he had always carried. Almost without thinking, he'd agreed.
He still hadn't let go of Yu He, the one lost forever beneath that same sea. He still couldn't forget him.
"But brother," Cang Mei asked innocently, "why did you suddenly bring me to the beach today? You don't usually take me out." Children always have a knack for finding the tender spots.
"Uh, well..." Cang Huayu lied smoothly. "Mom and Dad asked me to take you out, remember? Otherwise, I wouldn't have." His parents had said no such thing. He had his own, private reason: missing Yu He. Simply missing him.
"Oh." Cang Mei didn't press further.
They drove down the highway. Cang Huayu pressed the accelerator, pushing the car safely fast. Cang Mei gasped at first, then quickly adapted. Soon, both of them were shouting out the windows, releasing pent-up emotions.
"Aaaah—!"
"Woo-hoo!"
Truth was, Cang Mei felt lonely at school. Every day she wondered, "Why doesn't anyone want to play with me?" Now, she let that stifled feeling fly free.
"Thump-thump. "Car doors slammed shut. "Old Man Cang" poked his head out from under a car he was fixing in the garage. "Huh? Back? Where'd you go?"
"To the beach! It was so cool! Look at my sandcastle and the sunset pictures!" Cang Mei proudly showed the photos her brother had sent to her tablet. Then she pleaded, "Daddy, can we go next time? You and Mom and us?"
Old Man Cang looked at his daughter fondly. "Sure, we'll go together next time. Go on up for dinner now, sweetie. Daddy's gotta finish this." He ducked back under the car.
Inside, Cang's mother bustled in the kitchen. Dishes Cang Mei loved were already set on the table. The house felt like it had no place for Cang Huayu. Thankfully, his sister still cared for him; she thought her brother was gentle.
"Mei Mei, home? Wash your hands and sit down to eat," Cang's mother greeted her daughter warmly. Spotting Cang Huayu beside her, her expression instantly turned icy. "What are you standing around for? Get your sister's rice. All you do is wander around uselessly."
Cang Huayu was used to his parents' cold stares. He no longer bothered to argue like he used to. He served Cang Mei her rice, then retreated to his room.
"Brother, aren't you eating?"
"Not hungry."
"Okay."
Behind him, he heard his parents fussing over Cang Mei: "That's just how your brother is. Don't worry about him."
Cang Huayu shut his bedroom door, muffling the sounds of family warmth outside. He didn't want to hear it.
His eyes fell on a framed photo on his desk. Two young men smiled brightly. One held flowers; the other had his arm slung over the flower-holder's shoulder. It was him and Yu He. Their last photo together.
Because Yu He was dead...
His lover was dead...
He was gone!
The boy who used to smile because of Cang Huayu was gone. He slept beneath the sea, impossible to wake. When Cang Huayu first heard Yu He was dead, he refused to believe it. Not until the police pulled Yu He's body from the very waters they'd visited that day did the truth shatter him.
"Knock-knock-knock-"Someone rapped on his door.
"Xiao Yu, come out," Old Man Cang's voice commanded from the hallway. "Come to my study."
Cang Huayu opened the door and walked to the study. Inside, his father stood behind the desk, hands clasped behind his back.
"Do you know why I called you in here?" Old Man Cang turned, holding a ruler. "Because you disobeyed! Why did you take your sister to the beach? Do you know how dangerous it is? What if she had drowned?"
He struck Cang Huayu's legs with the ruler, each blow punctuating his words. "Still hung up on that *filthy bastard*? Huh? Answer me! Still thinking about that dead bastard?"
Cang Huayu endured it silently.
After a while, his father's anger subsided. "You know what? He was a man! A man! Thank heavens he's dead."
Back in his room, the words "He's dead" echoed in Cang Huayu's mind. He'd heard them countless times: at the police station, at the scene where Yu He ended his life, from friends on the phone... Now from his own father. He wished desperately it wasn't real.
He looked at the simple ring Yu He had given him, the paper cranes he'd folded, the voice recorder from five years ago – all traces of Yu He's existence. But the past couldn't be relived, and the person wouldn't return.
He plugged in the undamaged recorder to charge. Once powered, he pressed play.
Yu He's voice filled the room. He was singing – a song Cang Huayu had always asked him to sing because he loved hearing it.
"Black is the sky, hanging low,
Bright are the stars, following so,
Little bugs fly, little bugs fly, who's in your thoughts tonight?..."
The recording paused briefly, then Yu He's voice continued, unexpectedly: "Cang Huayu, don't you dare laugh at my singing! And... I love you..."
Cang Huayu had never heard that last part before. Back then, he'd thought the recording ended with the song.
Now, five years later, he finally heard the confession, a ghostly whisper from the past. It felt like Yu He was still alive.
"So why... why did you walk into the sea?" Cang Huayu whispered, tears welling up again. "I got into that university you dreamed of... for you. But... but it all means nothing now." He hadn't cried in so long. The last time was at the funeral he'd arranged for Yu He – a funeral for just the two of them.
Yu He's parents had always been indifferent. Even in death, they seemed unaffected. But Cang Huayu saw it clearly then: a look of relief on their faces. As if Yu He's death had freed them. He saw their true nature that day.
He missed Yu He. His desk drawer was filled with unsent letters – some written long ago, attempts to deliver them always thwarted. Now the drawer overflowed with them. Sending them now would bring no reply; it would be pointless.
Today, he wrote another letter destined for no recipient.
He picked up his phone, scrolling through old chat logs. He opened the conversation with the blank avatar.
Their last exchange was just before that blank profile ended its life. Back then, Yu He had chatted normally about everything. He'd sent a "Good morning" message the next day... and then, silence. Time froze forever in the days before New Year's Eve.
Yu He never saw that New Year. Cang Huayu never got to wish him a Happy New Year.
"Ah..." Cang Huayu sighed. He turned off his phone, glanced once more at the photo on his desk, and finally drifted into a troubled sleep...
He always slept late, waking groggy and oversleeping. This led to constant fogginess. Now, during his break, he kept finding himself driving towards his old university, only realizing he'd already graduated when he reached the gates.
Each time, he'd tap his head, muttering, Why is this brain always so muddled?
Today was no different. His mind remained clouded.
But unlike other days, his legs trembled with pain. "The old man really laid into me," he thought grimly.
He returned home. Cang Mei, still in her pajamas, sleepily picked at her breakfast, eyes half-closed. Seeing her brother, she yawned, "Mornin', bro."
"Mm."
Cang Mei slowly ate her breakfast, trying to delay the inevitable start of her cram school class. She truly dreaded it. In these quiet mornings without her parents, she often complained, "Why do cram schools even exist? Holidays are for resting and playing! Dad and Mom are so mean."
"Can't be helped," Cang Huayu replied softly. He was always gentle with his sister. Though, for Yu He, that gentleness had been deeper, more profound. He'd once promised to give Yu He all his tenderness. And he had kept that promise.
"Brother's still so gentle today," Cang Mei said appreciatively. "Stay just like this tomorrow too, okay?"
"Mm."
After breakfast, he dropped Cang Mei off at her cram school and headed to a bar. He'd arranged to meet his good friend Jiang Hui.
They chatted for a bit. Then Cang Huayu got to the point: he needed to understand why Yu He had taken his own life.
Jiang Hui hesitated, stammered, but under Cang Huayu's intense gaze, he finally spoke the truth.
Jiang Hui spoke slowly. "Yu... Yu He's death... it's connected to the our school."
"What do you mean, connected?"
"After you left... the people who used to bully him... they started targeting him freely. Their families were rich, powerful. The school administration, the teachers... they all turned a blind eye." Jiang Hui took a gulp of his drink, then continued, his voice low. "Later... those people... they forced themselves on him. After that... the whole campus... they whispered behind his back, spread rumors... And then... just before New Year's Eve... he walked into the sea."
