Prologue
"Call all the ladies out
They're in their finery..."
I stopped singing when I heard a loud thud coming from the kitchen. I quickly rushed to where the sound came from and saw my mother standing there, with broken plates scattered on the floor.
“Ahh…that must be the plate that made the noise,” I said to myself.
Bumaling ang tingin ko sa mama ko at nakita ko sa mukha niya ang kawalan ng emosyon. She looked sad, lonely, and broken. My heart sank seeing her like that—because I knew exactly what caused her pain. It was my father.
He cheated on her. All those happy moments he had with us were fake. He never truly loved us. He was still stuck with his ex–the same woman he’s now working with.
I slowly turned my back and walked away, feeling helpless… until I heard her call me.
“Mija, come here,” she said in the softest voice I’ve heard in a long time.
Napaluha ako. I haven’t heard her voice for days. I thought she had lost it, or maybe she just didn’t want to speak anymore because of everything that happened. That’s why I didn’t know how to approach her.
“M-Mom…” I said, my voice trembling as I walked closer and hugged her tightly. I missed her—her scent, her voice, her warmth.
“What is it, mija? Why are you crying, baby?” tanong ni mama habang pinupunasan ang luha ko.
“Wala, mommy. I just… I missed you. You haven’t talked to me and I thought maybe you don’t love me anymore. I’m always here for you, Mommy. I’ll replace dad. I’ll be enough for you, so you won’t think of him anymore, and you won’t have to be sad.”
She looked at me and smiled faintly. “No, baby. Hindi si daddy ang dahilan kung bakit ako malungkot… and you’re wrong. Your dad didn’t cheat on me. He loves me.”
Binitiwan ko ang yakap ko at tiningnan siya sa mata.
“That’s not true! I heard him saying he doesn’t love you and I saw him with that woman, mom. They were close, his hand was on her wrist. Parang niyayakap niya. I know you saw it too…”
“No, mija, it’s not what you think,” she said, her voice trembling and starting to tear up.
“Your dad didn’t cheat on us. He doesn’t love anyone else. It’s just… he needed to be with her that time. They’re best friends. Friends help each other. That’s why… he didn’t cheat.”
“Mom, oh please, wake up! I’m here! You don’t need him. I’m here for you!” I said, my voice shaking as I gripped her hand tightly, trying to convince her.
“No! You’re wrong, mija! It just happened that way, okay? Your dad loves us. Please don’t hate him!” my mom insisted.
Umiiling ako habang nakatingin sa kanya. Why can't she accept that my dad left us? That he wasn't a good husband or father? That all he left behind were lies? I don't understand my mom. Why does she keep fighting for someone who clearly hurt her? Why does she have to lie to herself?
“NO, MOM! HE NEVER LOVED US!” I screamed, trying to shake her denial.
Then, a loud sound that makes us silent —her hand landed hard across my face.
“Mom… why?” I said and ran away from her.
Habang tumatakbo ako, narinig ko ang boses niya. Umiiyak siya at paulit-ulit na sinasabing mahal kami ni Papa, na wala siyang ginawang mali. Pero sawa na ako. Pagod na akong pakinggan ‘yon.
I covered my ears just to stop her voice from echoing in my head.
I buried my face in my pillow and pulled the blanket over my head. I let out a silent scream, muffled by the sheets. I couldn’t believe I was hurt by my own mother because of that man. I cried as I cursed my father, wishing they never met. I wish I was never born if it meant saving my mom from pain.
I reached for the photo frame beside my bed. I threw it across the room. It shattered. I picked up the photo of us–me, Mom, and Dad and crushed it in my hand. I sobbed into my hands until I eventually fell asleep on the edge of the bed.
I woke up at 2 a.m. after hearing more glass shatter. Si mama na naman. She was probably breaking more plates, letting her frustration out. Kawawa naman ang mga plato, nadadamay sa gulo.
The noise stopped–maybe she calmed down.
I wanted to go downstairs and check on her… but I didn’t want to see her right now. Maybe when the sun rises. Maybe then.
I massaged the back of my neck—it hurt from the way I fell asleep earlier. I moved to the bed and lay down again. I’ll deal with this in the morning, I told myself. Then I closed my eyes and drifted off.
When I woke up, the sun was already up. I cleaned myself up and went down to the kitchen, hoping breakfast was ready. But the table was empty. I sighed and decided to cook instead.
Nagsuot ako ng apron at kinuha ang kawali. Binuksan ko ang stove at pinainit ito sandali bago ko nilagyan ng mantika. I gently placed the eggs and bacon in the pan and waited for a few minutes before flipping them. Habang niluluto ko iyon, nagsimula na rin akong magluto ng sinangag gamit ang natirang kanin kagabi. After everything was cooked, I set the table nicely and called my mom.
“Mom! Kumain na tayo!” sigaw ko mula sa kusina.
“Mom?” I said again, this time heading toward her room. I reached for the doorknob and was surprised to find it locked. That was strange. She never locks her door.
“Mom, let’s eat,” I said, knocking gently. No answer from her. Maybe she’s still asleep? I whispered to myself.
I went to get the spare key hidden in the drawer and unlocked the door. When I opened the door… I froze.
My heart stopped. My hands trembled.
Her feet… were hanging in the air.
There was a rope around her neck.
“M-Mom… No!” I screamed, running to her, hugging her lifeless legs.
