Controlled chaos

There you are...

"The cloudy night sky, the thunder, the occasional lightning...

It makes this abandoned police building seem like a horror movie set"...

"Suits the mood"

"When I set this field ablaze"

"I will be able to see the building more clearly...or a memory maybe"

That's better...

"There is a shape in third floor window"

"Your shape"

"My Ghost girl"

"Still"

"Staring at me"

"Arm raised in that slow crooked wave"

"The one you used when pretended everything was fine"

"You want me to Chase after you"

"Look for you, catch you"

"Both of us breathless, gasping laughter at each other like nothing ever hurt"

And then we kiss like we used to before everything went up in flames"

"But I know you're not really there"...

"I know my mind is breaking...

I've been hallucinating you"

"I see you in reflections, in flames, in faces that aren't yours"

"Even if I close my eyes"

"You linger"

"That snap in the flames just now...it...sounded like you calling me"...

"Painfully you make me smile"

"God it hurts to smile at you"

"Sitting here, wrapped in flames that burn less than your memory does"

"Call it madness, if you want"

"I call it art"

"A masterpiece of ash displaying longing and devotion"...

"It's perspective really"

I'm not obsessed...not in some...deranged way"

"It's just that your warmth still hasn't left"

"It clings to me"

"Like fire does to dry bones"

Ahh...I miss you...

"That's enough warmth for one night"...

"I'm done here"

___________________________________

The dream:

For so long, I didn't have an answer as to why she haunts me the way that she does.

But now I do.

She calms the storms in me,

Makes the flames settle.

I'm standing at the edge of the bed.

She's perched like it's the ledge of a tall building-one step from falling.

I cup her face gently, both hands cradling her like something sacred.

My thumbs trace her lips slowly, trying to memorize their shape like braille pressed into the folds of memory.

Her eyes-brown like ancient amber-they trap me.

Like fossilized fire.

Your soul a tree in a forest too old to name.

Where even my internal fire hesitates to burn something that eternal.

She wraps her arms around me, and for a second...I'm safe.

Her lips close around my thumb, and her tongue moves like it's spelling a secret I was never meant to hear.

And in that instant-

A contradiction.

How is it possible that I would burn this world to ash to protect her, but at the same time-

I want to worship her.

Ruin her.

I want to grab her by her throat.

Push her onto her back and head into the pillows.

My kisses leaving trails fire down her body.

She gasps-my tongue scripting lines she will never read aloud , only tremble beneath.

Her legs start to quiver.

She arches beneath me in pleasure shifting the pillow under her lower back..

Her hands tremble as she reaches down grabbing and then entangling her fingers in my hair as a loud moan slips through her hold.

I watch her try to scream my name like it's the only thing holding her together.The dream:

For so long, I didn't have an answer as to why she haunts me the way that she does.

But now I do.

She calms the storms in me,

Makes the flames settle.

I'm standing at the edge of the bed.

She's perched like it's the ledge of a tall building-one step from falling.

I cup her face gently, both hands cradling her like something sacred.

My thumbs trace her lips slowly, trying to memorize their shape like braille pressed into the folds of memory.

Her eyes-brown like ancient amber-they trap me.

Like fossilized fire.

Your soul a tree in a forest too old to name.

Where even my internal fire hesitates to burn something that eternal.

She wraps her arms around me, and for a second...I'm safe.

Her lips close around my thumb, and her tongue moves like it's spelling a secret I was never meant to hear.

And in that instant-

A contradiction.

How is it possible that I would burn this world to ash to protect her, but at the same time-

I want to worship her.

Ruin her.

I want to grab her by her throat.

Push her onto her back and head into the pillows.

My kisses leaving trails fire down her body.

She gasps-my tongue scripting lines she will never read aloud , only tremble beneath.

Her legs start to quiver.

She arches beneath me in pleasure shifting the pillow under her lower back..

Her hands tremble as she reaches down grabbing and then entangling her fingers in my hair as a loud moan slips through her hold.

I watch her try to scream my name like it's the only thing holding her together.