The Good Life

*The Good Life is a character-driven story mostly written in SITCOM style, with just enough setting to bring the world to life!

COLD OPENING

EXT. MELBOURNE - CHAPEL STREET - DAY

The street buzzes with life – pedestrians weaving between boutique shops, cafes spilling the rich aroma of coffee onto the footpath, and trams rattling past. Bikes zip through traffic, street musicians play on corners, and colorful market stalls and splashes of vibrancy.

The café ‘La Churreria Major’ looks old but it is not – just a patchwork of second-hand furniture and behind the counter there is a hand-painted sign. It is a churro painting that looks like a male genital with eyes and a mouth. Nothing matches and nothing tries to. It is charming in its own stubborn, scrappy way.

Maria (30), Spanish, long black hair – attractive but always tense – stand at the counter, scribbling notes with a stock of bills in front of her. She looks stressed Mina (30) Turkish, brown-haired, attractive and casually carefree, steps out from the kitchen, holding up her phone.

They both wear a cute but sexy ‘waitress’ dresses.

‘Mi amiga, estamos salvadas!’ (My friend, we are saved!)

‘English, please.’ Maria answers.

‘Esta por llegar el dinero!’ (The money is coming!)

Maria just blinks. She is obviously done with Mina’s weirdness, and it is too early to deal with her.

Mina tries her one more time ‘El universo me va a mandar dinero!’ (The universe is going to send me money.)

Maria asks, ‘Are you back on that dating app for Latin men?’

‘’I don’t know what you are talking about.’ Mina absolutely knows what Maria talks about.

She holds up her phone as if it is sacred and she puts one hand on her chest. ‘I’m telling you money is coming. We are saved! We are not losing our business!’

Maria walks up to her, excited. ‘Your padre agreed to help?’

‘My dad?’ Mina guffaws. ‘Please. He thinks we’re slaying our way to a franchise.’

’If you’ve set up another dinner with old men, I’m out. I don’t care if it’s ‘just dinner’ — I’m not sitting through two hours of mouth-smacking grandpas.’

‘First of all, I don’t know what you are talking about,’ she knows what Maria talks about ‘second of all, no I haven’t set up anything. It’s my horoscope! It says I’m getting a fat check this week.’

‘Dior mio! Not the horoscope crap again.’ Maria is so over this talk.

Mina ignores Maria, ‘We just need to ask the bank for another extension.’

’Friday is the extension.’

‘So we’ll ask for another one.’

You can see the anger building in Maria, ‘Friday is the extension of the extension.’

‘Then you’ll have to charm that bank guy again while I try to manifest faster.’

Maria rests her hands on her hips and says, ‘Sure! Let’s build a business on flirting and moon magic. What could go wrong?’

‘You said the bank guy was the best sex you’ve ever had. This is a win-win for everyone.’

‘Shut up. I’m making a point here.’ Maria gets back to work.

A depressed-looking customer enters. With his dirty hair and dirty pajamas, he seems like he gave up on his life. The customer stares blankly at the girls.

Maria goes, ‘You look good today, sir.’

‘What can I get for you, sir?’ Mina asks.

‘Can I have five churros and an oatmeal latte please?’

‘Sure thing. Here or to go?’

‘To go, please.’ The customer seems increasingly bored with each question.

‘Sure. Except we don’t have either. You should’ve stopped by yesterday. We had fresh churros.’

‘Then why’d you ask here or to go?’

‘Look. I’m just doing what she says, okay?’ Mina shoots Maria a look.

‘Does that make your life easier?’ The customer asks.

Mina considers this for a moment. ‘A lot, to be honest.’

The customer turns to Maria and asks, ‘What do you reckon I should do with my life? I’m 42, divorced, and sitting on millions… with no one to spend it with.’

Beat.

‘Would you consider investing in a small café business?’

END OF COLD OPENING

EXT. STREET- DAY 1

Mina and Maria walk on the street, carrying grocery bags and eating ice cream. To anyone watching, it looks like they are deep in a serious conversation.

‘Wait, so you don’t answer their call or text because they contact you back?’

Mina says, ‘Exactly.’

Maria asks, ‘Isn’t that the whole point of giving your number to someone?’

‘I give my number to the guys to get rid of them.’

Maria seems to try to make sense of what her best friend has just said. ‘Or… you can just say no and not give your number?’

‘Well, I’m too nice to do that Maria.’

’You don’t even answer their calls or text. How’s that supposed to be nice?’

Mina says, ‘Well, at least I’m nice to their face and that’s considered nice in my culture.’

Maria blinks twice, like her brain needs a reboot. They start walking again. Italian twins Riccardo (30) and Romeo (30), step out of the pizza shop as the girls pass by. They have got no shirts on, just aprons and jeans, standing in the doorway with their arms crossed. They are trying so hard to look sexy.

Riccardo says, ‘Ciao, Mina. Long time no see.’

‘We greeted each other this morning.’

This time Romeo goes, ‘Ciao, Maria. How’s your business?’

Maria shoots him a look, ‘You already know how it is.’

‘We can help you out anytime.’ Romeo nudges his brother Riccardo. ‘Our business is doing good.’

‘That’s because your mother makes you serve 60-year-old female, and sometimes male, customers shirtless.’ Maria says.

Mina supports her by saying, ‘We’d be millionaires if we did that.’

‘What’s stopping you?’ Riccardo throws the question out with that signature smug grin.

‘Uh, I don’t know – our dignity?’ says Maria.

From inside the pizza shop, their mother’s voice erupts in sharp Italian. The twins rush back into the pizza shop.

‘I can’t believe we used to date those guys.’ Mina says.

‘And their mother.’ Maria adds.

INT. CAFÉ- DAY 1

Maria sits at a table, making a list of things they can sell to save their business. A watch sits in front of her on the table. Mina walks around the café with a burning stick of incense. Her eyes are closed, and she murmurs stuff under her breath.

Benny (30), Australian, best friend of Maria and Mina enters. He kisses Maria on the cheek.

‘One day she’s going to take off straight into the sky, and we won’t be able to catch her.’ Benny says, looking at Mina.

‘Well, I’m telling you now – I’m not even going to try.’

Benny sits down. ‘So, what’s going on? Have you guys found the money yet?’

‘No. I’m making a list of the things we can sell and I’m still waiting for Mina to put her ring on the table.’

‘I’m not giving you my ring, Maria.’ Mina says eyes are still closed.

’Honey, you know you must be a virgin to wear a virginity ring, right? That one thing is the whole thing about those rings.’

Mina, eyes are still close, ‘Yes, and your point is?’

‘Never mind.’ Benny gives up.

‘She doesn’t need my ring.’ She finally opens her eyes. ‘Money’s already coming. I’m just manifesting it to come faster.’

‘Right,’ Benny says and turns to Maria, ‘How could you skip that piece of information?’

‘You two keep making fun of me as if you don’t know how I manifested my entire journey to this country.’

‘That’s my favorite success story.’ Benny says, ‘How was it again?’

‘Uhm… She sat in her room doing all that manifesting and affirmations – while her daddy worked his ass off to send her abroad to study.’ Maria reminds him.

Mina crosses her arms, ’Say whatever you want – my daddy got rich thanks to my manifestations.’

‘I still can’t believe she’s never done drugs – and yet this is how she thinks.’ says Maria.

Mina ignores her and turns to Benny, ‘What are you doing here in the middle of the day anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be going door to door begging for a job?’

‘Well, I happen to have a job interview today and I need you two to come with me.’

‘That’s wonderful, Benny!’ says Maria. ‘What kind of job?’

CUT TO:

INT. ADULT SHOP DAY 1

Mina, Maria and Benny stand in the middle of a sex shop. Mina and Maria look ’O-kay? The shop is surprisingly colorful, with quite a few customers milling about. They seem at ease as they pick things up and talk about them.

‘So, you weren’t joking?’

Benny turns to Mina, ’I literally told you ‘I’m applying for a job at a sex shop.’ Where’s the joke in that?’

‘Well, the whole sentence sounded like a joke.’ Maria says.

‘And Maria and I are here, because…?’ Mina asks.

Benny explains, ‘I need some references. This is the shop where I got you your presents this year.’

‘Oh, right,’ Mina nudges Maria and then points at a dildo ‘that one looked familiar.’

Benny approaches the counter. Behind the counter stands an older woman with a laid-back, hippie vibe – silver hair in a messy bun, chunky jewelry, and a knowing smirk. She owns the place, and it shows. She is wearing a T-shirt saying, ‘How can I help you?’ with an inappropriate hand gesture.

‘Hi, I’m Benny. I’m here for a job interview.’

‘Hi Benny. I’m Lyndal. Have you worked at a sex shop before?’

‘No, but I’m enthusiastic ab-’

‘Then, it’s not likely boy. I’m sorry.’

‘Look, I know every product you are selling. I can help people to find what’s best for them. I brought some references to show you how good I am at this.’

Lyndal glances at Maria, who makes the sign of the cross, and Mina, who clutches her bag to her chest and doesn’t move. They both look terrified.

‘Are those two your references? Honey, they’re one accidental dick sighting away from spontaneous combustion.’

Benny gestures girls to come closer. Mina and Maria approach the counter while trying hard not to look around.

‘Okay, girls. Could you please tell this nice lady how happy and satisfied you are with your new toys?’

Maria leans in, lowering her voice as if she is sharing something confidential, ‘I stopped dating after receiving that toy.’

Mina does that the same thing, ‘My sleep has never been better. One round and I sleep like a log.’

Lyndal seems interested now. ‘So, you’re happy with what he picked for you?’

‘Absolutely.’ Mina says. ‘Benny knows what women need.’

‘Men should get a lesson from him. Instead of trying so hard in bed, get us a nice gift and let the machine do the work.’ Maria adds.

‘Okay. You convinced me. Just so you know, I’ll be hard on you.’ She raises her eyebrows.

‘It won’t faze him. He’s gay.’ Mina says.

They all look at Mina, who finally finds the courage to look around the shop but still clutching her bag to her chest.

Lyndal to Benny, ‘One unsatisfied customer and you’re out of here.’

Benny squints and looks away, hands in his pocket – overflowing with confidence, ‘Oh, I’ll make sure each and every customer will come again and again.’