Requiem

I hook her up to an IV line. The straggler we found in the cove, with the baby. She is sweating profusely, from every pore of her body. Lord, she’s lost a shit tonne of blood in childbirth. How she’s survived this, I have no idea. She’s a fighter, it’s fair to assume.

“Matt, hand me that sewing needle and thread. We might as well do what we can before Tori gets here.” Matthew passes me the first aid kit. I snap off a length of surgical thread and thread the needle. Not particularly well versed in surgery but I guess we’ll see how much of a mess I make of her.

The baby is still asleep in the basket on the counter. Still fine, still breathing. The question is: if his mother dies, what are we supposed to do with him? The kraut is getting more and more finicky about the calibre of person we let into the safe-zone. He even stopped our border patrol and made sure all of the signs that advertised our location were burned. I’m surprised I’m still here, considering how useless he thinks I am. He thinks I’m just a pair of tits on legs with a brain the size of a fractured eggshell.

I put my needle into the skin of her head and loop it across. I continue this until her wound has been closed. It looks a bit jagged. A bit lop-sided but it is the best I can do under pressure. My hand shakes like mad when I get stressed. I do not kid when I say my hands tremble like I’m in some kind of earthquake. It’s mental and extremely unhelpful but, what can you do? She starts grunting and groaning. I don’t even know what her name is.

“Okay kids, the pro’s here. What have we got here?” Tori announces, the air of authority seems to just encompass her. Her brown eyes shine almost as much as the grey streaks in her hair. She’s only thirty two but this world has a way of ageing people. The rest of her hair is still a shade of Amyy blonde, waiting to turn grey.

“We found her about a mile away. We think she was involved in a car crAmy as the rest of her group perished and around the car. She’s also got a newborn so she must have just given birth considering that she’s still bleeding.”

“Oh goody, my favourite. I’ll deal with...what’s her name?”

“No idea,” Matthew interjects, throwing and catching his tennis ball. Tori grins.

“Right, always helpful. If you take the bundle out of the room and get him checked I’ll deal with mummy. Sound good to everyone?” Tori nods and shoos us out of the room. I pick up the basket and wait for Matt to open the door. He does and we walk down the corridor. The baby starts to grizzle. Ew, no please don’t. I cannot stand babies or toddlers...or children...or basically any age group. Especially when they cry. No, I can’t deal with them when they do that.

“Matt. Matt. Matt!” I try to get his attention. He looks around at me.

“Gen, Gen, Gen. What do you want?”

“Take him. You’re better at dealing with babies.” Matt sighs and takes the basket.

“You suck.”

“You swallow,” I reply. He laughs and walks ahead. What? I can’t deal with them when they cry...or puke...or poop. I just can’t. Babies are the bane of my life. Just no.

I continue to walk. I still don’t understand the need for framed pictures everywhere; the world is about pragmatism, not aestheticism. I kid you not, one of the images is just a white piece of paper with a black dot in the middle. A white piece of paper with a black dot. How the hell is that art? Any idiot can put a dot in the middle of a piece of paper but why would anyone pay money for it.

“Matt,” I call forward, “I just quickly need to pee. I’ll meet you in the front office.”

“Righto, have fun,” he calls back, walking off into the distance. Okay, I have a few moments alone. I open the door that leads to the bathroom and enter. I take out my gun and lay it on the sink. My eyes move up, gazing into the mirror. I brush my hair out of my eyes and take a good look at myself; ever since the accident, I have tried to avoid all mirrors. The right side of my face has been burnt off, from the cheek down. I remember the flames licking my face, the smell of burning flesh as I tried to scream out...I brush my hair back over one half of my face. It seems almost ironic that my hair should be a shade of auburn to match the fire that burnt me. My hazel eyes seem to be the usual shade of mud; at least that hasn’t changed over the past six months.

I enter one of the cubicles and take out a small section of razor that I broke off one of the discarded blades. I roll down the bandages on my arms and run the razor along one of the old scars. Beads of blood form on the surface. The pain isn’t that bad, better than the pain in my head. Displacement: that’s what someone called it, I can’t remember who. You create a physical pain to combat a phantom pain. Channel the pain into an area that can be seen and acknowledged by the brain. It’s the only way I can relax. A few minutes to myself, to relieve the tension in my skull by bleeding. I breathe out, content at last. I’ve been waiting to be alone for the past week; people have been watching me like a hawk. They don’t understand that this is my form of stress relief; I have my routine and it stresses me out more if I can’t fulfil it.

I might as well have a piss, now I’m here. I could go for a piss, I guess. I haven’t been since last night. Might as well. I do have a dull ache in my bladder. I pull down my trousers and knickers and relieve myself. I roll my bandages back up and flush the toilet. I stand up and do my flies up. I turn the tap on and look in the mirror. I can still feel the burning in my face. The fire seems to reside in my face specifically. I splAmy my face with freezing cold water and then wAmy my hands. I wipe my hands on my trousers and walk into the corridor.

Matt is waiting in the office, cradling the baby. Now, that makes me uncomfortable. Bonding with children never works out too well. Matt has always looked after the kids and I’m the one who has to comfort him when they ‘move’ on. I don’t know what he’s going to do when his mum recovers, or if she doesn’t. However, this is the first boy baby we’ve seen for a while so I don’t know how attached Matt will get.

“Hey little man, is that my finger? Is that my finger, hey?” He puts his finger near the baby’s mouth and seems surprised when he tries to ‘gum’ him.

“Well, yes it could be interpreted that, that is your finger. The question is, what is the concept of a finger? Is it truly a finger or just a construct of human perception? These are the questions,” I interrupt. Matt jumps slightly and looks at me.

“Jesus, you scared the shite out of me!”

“Don’t swear in front of the small human. Don’t teach him bad habits before the world has a chance.” Matt laughs and offers the baby to me. I look at Matt and then look at the small creature and back to Matt.

“Uh.”

“I’m not offering him to you; I think he needs a nappy change. I just wanted your opinion.” He smiles. I sniff the air surrounding the baby and nearly gag. “Yes, it would be fair to assume he needs a nappy change. Go on, deal with him.” Matt puts baby on the table and undoes the nappy. Oh God, the smell. We only put the diaper on him an hour ago; he was butt arse naked before. How did he manufacture that it less than an hour? Oh that is evil. I walk out of the office and take a few deep breaths. I can hear Matt howling from inside the room. Me and babies do not go together, under any circumstances.

“Genevieve, you back already?” the kraut asks, creeping up behind me. Oh, fuck off Golem.

“Yes, two survivors. First is a young adult female and the second is a new-born male. It looks like the girl was involved in a car crash so she’s in a pretty bad condition,” I respond, concealing my annoyance. He nods and wrings his hands.

“Right. If anything happens, let me know. We are also in need of able bodies; babies and children, not so much. Keep me updated, ja?”

“Of course. You’ll be the first person I call.”

He nods and begins to wander towards his office just slightly up the corridor. He always walks slowly but with enough authority to enforce the disciplinarian figure. His hunchback is extremely obvious as he walks. His face is pinched and is not helped by his grey Hitler moustache.

I walk back into the office and sit on the desk. He has put the baby in a new diaper and is cradling him to sleep. Well...that was quick. Quickest nappy change I have ever seen but that’s just me. Matt is beaming from ear to ear; I don’t think he realises that the baby isn’t his, that it is isn’t a case of finders keepers. He gets too attached. He forgets that new members are hardly ever permanent.

“Is he-”

“Sh. He just went to sleep,” he places the baby back into the basket, being careful not to wake him, “finally.”

“Shall we head outside?” I whisper, edging towards the door. Matt nods and opens the door for me. I look down the corridor and back to him. “So...what do we do now?”

“Well, we can’t go too far in case the baby wakes up-” “No, that’s not what I mean Matt. What do we do with him, in case his mum doesn’t make it. We don’t have the supplies to look after a newborn and you know what the kraut thinks we should do with them,” I reason, crossing my arms. Matt puts his hand behind his head and sighs.

“I don’t know, Gen. He’s nothing more than a baby; he’s defenceless and doesn’t deserve to be thrown out to die like...like a Spartan baby. The mother will be fine; if she could deliver a baby, on her own while those around her died, that proves that she’s a survivor, if nothing else.”

“We don’t know that was what happened. The kraut-”

“His name is Siegfried.” “All right, ‘Siegfried’ is not someone who will be merciful if he thinks he can make use of them. It might be best if she just dies of her own will.”

Matt sucks his teeth at me.

“No. No, we don’t just give up on people, we can’t. We all deserve to be here, we all deserve a chance. She could turn out to be valuable, as could that baby.” He looks through the gap in the door and puts his hand against it. It’s a shame the way he views things is so different to the way others do.

Matt has always believed in the good in people, we’re all survivors so we’re all on the same team, and Siegfried believes that if one human life can be used to save twenty thousand, we do whatever we have to. Even if it means killing vulnerable people. Even if it means killing women and children. One sacrifice to save a species, it’s not something you can really argue with. One day we will find someone who is immune and we will be able to use them for a vaccine. One day, and we have to be prepared with what to do when they finally arrive at our doors.

Matt is not going to be happy, whatever the outcome. Either the mother is going to die and the baby is going to be left for the Infected or the kraut will use them both in his experiments. Unless she can prove to be useful in some way which is a possibility, I guess. Stranger things have happened.

“Not everyone would agree with you. You remember when we turned up? People were happy to have us thrown out without even giving us a chance and we’re two able bodied people. How are they going to react to an injured woman and a baby, who can’t contribute?”

“How can I forget? I guess we just have to hope that she pulls through. Tori knows what she’s doing, yeah. Tori is talented at what she does and that is undeniable. Would you agree Gen?” Matt asks, his head turned towards me. I nod. I would trust Tori with my life; she is incredibly talented and she has the resources at her disposal. The only issue is that every medical supply has been audited and, if levels get too low, heads will roll. Siegfried does so hate when a necessity becomes scarce and someone will pay the price for it, usually Tori.

“Yes. I trust her. I mean, the girl might not even want to stay when it comes to it. How do we know that she won’t just skip her happy way to Mordor after we fix her up?”

“You know if you need medical supplies, you pay for them. She couldn’t leave even if she would want to,” Matt replies, removing his hand from the door and crossing his arms. He’s right. He is right. She would have to pay for what she’s taken and then she would be free. But morphine, disinfectant and IV fluid cost weeks to pay off in their entirety. Let’s hope that she’s not too spirited and can accept what fate there is for her here. Her only option is to either die, which would not be preferable for most people, or to keep her mouth shut, which nobody really does.

“I guess we just have to wait and see what happens next. We can just hope for the best but, we also have to be pragmatic when it comes to human nature,” I state, gazing into the office opposite. Human nature is the one thing worth being afraid. A survival instinct is beneficial but is also the ultimate curse.