the heaviest heart

Trying to get back into the swing of things is harder than I thought. I've been back on US soil for over 4 months now and I'm struggling. not just the fact that I feel like I don't belong here anymore. but the fact that I miss Ivan.

how crazy does that make me sound. I miss my captor. a man who hurt me. locked me in a basement. beat me with a belt and forced me to lay on nails. I need therapy, something I've refused for the last 3 months.

his words still ring in my head; the night I shot him. how he told me to kill him, screamed at me that he would force me to go back. the news of what he did to me without my consent.

The doctor at the private clinic confirmed what Ivan told me. I would never carry a child, and it devastated me. I lay in my bed most days, my eyes fixed to the ceiling. even Laura can't get me to move.

mom and dad are worried, and I know if I don't start to show signs of getting better, they will be forced to take drastic action. but right now. I don't care. what the point anymore.

"You need to get up. your room smells of unwashed skin, and your sheets are dirty." mom has a habit of walking into my room whenever she feels like it.

a big part of me wishes her and dad would go back to France, or wherever it was they were filming, and leave me alone. "I'm tired." I whisper and she sighs.

"Look love. we know you're struggling. you won't accept therapy. you don't hang out with Laura, and you don't talk to me or your father. help me out here. we miss you baby." her hand comes out as if to touch me.

she stops and drops in in her lap when she sits down next to me. she lets go of another sigh and stands up. "I'll give you another few days. after that, I'm taking you to see Dr. Coles."

I roll away from her. I just want to be left alone. I have no clue why I feel this way. all I wanted was to come home, but now I'm here, I feel suffocated. I killed two men, and I haven't told a soul.

they are all under the impression I escaped. didn't see any faces. didn't see anything accept the outside of a dark house when I ran. the police can't find any trace of where I came from.

I should tell them. I'm a murderer. but the thought of going to jail, scares me to no end. "I'll go out with Laura tomorrow." I reply weakly and she huffs a sigh and leaves the room.

the next day, Laura drags me to the mall. it feels weird to be out and about. spending money like its water. eating whatever I want, from my own hand. wearing clothes I picked, avoiding the paparazzi.

"We need to find something for moms' birthday." I don't reply as we walk towards a women's fashion store. I look at my reflection in the glass as Laura wanders inside.

the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I get the horrible feeling of being watched. I don't turn to look, just keep watching through the window. but nothing stands out. no suspicious people linger nearby.

"Are you coming in." Laura calls from the doorway.

I follow her inside and we chose a nice Scafe for mom. we also get her a new pair of earrings and a matching bracelet. I just want to go home to my bed. but the feeling of eyes on me follows me all day.

we walk back to Lauras car and throw everything in the trunk. as I round the car a man walks closer to us. he looks like any other man, tall, thick black hair. his coat is expensive looking and his shoes shine.

he stops near me, and it freaks me out. "You ok miss." he asks, and I nod back numbly.

he looks down at his watch and grins. his eyes snap to mine. "You look like you've seen a ghost." I don't reply as Laura climbs into the car.

"Well ok then." he smirks, not getting any conversation from me.

"I best be off. it almost time, three." words rattle in my brain, did he just call me Three.

"What did you say." I ask with a quiver to my tone.

he tilts his head to the side. "I said its almost Three." I shake my head and back away from him.

"No, you said its almost time Three." I say with a shaky voice.

Laura bangs on the window to get my attention. "You must have miss heard me. but time is almost running out. enjoy what's left of your day, olly." he smirks.

my blood freezes in my veins. he knows my name. "How do you know me." I ask backing up until my ass hits the car door.

he grins again. "I know a lot of things. let's just say, you'll be seeing me soon." he steps closer and that's when I lose it.

my scream rings out on the parking lot. I drop to my knees as if to make myself small. my hands going up as if to defend myself from my attacker. I hear Laura and then the man, he is asking if I'm alright. Laura is speaking to me, but I don't hear her words.

I shiver from the cold, even though it's a warm day. I try to concentrate on Lauras voice, but it's all so muffled. he knew my name. he said three, then he said molly.

"I don't know what to do. she just started screaming." I lift my head to see mom kneeling beside me.

"What made her scream." mom asks, my eyes pleading with her to help me.

I don't know why I need help. but being here, outside, its messing with my head. "a man came over and asked her for the time. she freaked out." Laura responds and I want to scream that's a lie.

"What man." mom asks and I can't help but look for him too.

"He was just here." Laura replies, helping me to finally stand.

I glance over the parking lot and my blood runs cold. the man is standing next to a black SUV, but what's more terrifying than that, is that Ivan is standing next to him. my vision blacks and I fall to the floor.