1. CHAPTER
There were hammers dancing inside my head...
No, not dancing—more like crashing into each other with a loud metallic clanging that battered the walls of my brain. Realizing I couldn’t endure it any longer, I tried to open my eyes in the desperate hope of escaping this cursed sensation, but it was useless. My eyelids felt like they had been weighed down with lead. And that wasn’t even the worst part—my stomach and gravity were at war, and I was on the verge of losing.
And that sound—oh, that sound!—that had been tormenting me for what felt like half an hour…
BEEEEEP! BEEEEEP! BEEEEEP!
God, that noise... It was like the gates of hell had opened and demons were blowing sirens inside my skull. The piercing, high-pitched alarm echoed through the depths of my ears, torturing not just my brain but my entire body. I wanted to scream, to release the storm of emotions building inside me, but all that came out were weak groans. I cursed like never before—though the words never made it out of my mouth, they rang loud and clear in my mind. Was it really possible to feel this awful? My head was pounding, my stomach was rebelling, and my body felt like it had been flattened by a steamroller during the night.
Unable to open my eyes, I reached out blindly toward the direction of the sound, hoping to silence it. Right—nothing. Left—nothing. Middle—still nothing! Ugh! Where the hell was my phone?! The sound was so close, drilling into my brain with every passing second, yet I couldn’t find it! I was about to start inventing new curses when my hand finally hit a hard object. I swallowed all the words that had risen to my throat. I’d found the damn phone. Without even looking at the screen, I gave it a single tap…
AND SUDDENLY, SILENCE.
With a deep sigh of relief, I finally felt a glimpse of peace I’d been chasing for what felt like hours. If my body wasn’t in jelly mode, I might’ve gotten up and danced. That’s how happy I was. But, unfortunately, I’d celebrated too soon. A sharp jolt of pain shot through my head, and I could no longer stay in the same position. Groaning, I forced myself upright. And the agony didn’t stop there. My stomach churned, the world spun like its axis had shifted, and I felt like I was disintegrating into thousands of pieces in the middle of the universe. Was I dead? No, no… If I felt this horrible, I had to be alive.
Why was I like this?
Last night... What happened last night?
The pieces were blurry, the images overlapping... Laughter, bright lights, clinking glasses, loud music... and me. Too much alcohol. Too many shots. That cursed blue drink… I didn’t even know what it was, but I was sure it was the reason my stomach felt like it was erupting with volcanoes right now. Now that I was no longer half-asleep, the fog in my brain started to lift and the memories slowly returned. We had gotten ready for Müge’s bachelorette party… Then we left and arrived at this fancy venue… Although the place was upscale, the inside felt more like a club because a special party theme had been set up just for Müge... Then came the dancers... Those colorful, dangerously appealing shots… Our wild dancing while screaming the lyrics to god-knows-what songs… And that’s where the memory cuts off. Unfortunately, that’s where my brain decided to stop recording. Everything after that was a void. The state I found myself in now made me furious. Why? Why the hell did I drink so much?! I slapped my forehead with my palm in frustration.
Ugh, you idiot, Hazal! Who told you to drink like you were invincible when you knew your tolerance was basically zero?! What were you thinking?! Were you born in a wine barrel or something?! And on top of it all—you knew you had class the next day!
As if I wasn’t the one who did all this, I kept scolding myself like someone else was to blame. Well, where were you before all this happened, inner voice?! Why are you showing up now?! Fortunately, I didn’t have an attendance issue, and I wouldn’t be missing any classes today that I’d be sad about, because honestly, I doubted I could even take five steps in my current state.
“Whatever,” I muttered, pretending like I had the right to console myself. At least I woke up in my own home. Thank God I wasn’t in some random guy’s bed… or worse—God forbid—missing an organ. That thought alone gave me chills, and I hugged myself in gratitude for waking up safely in my own space.
Now that I was feeling slightly more human, I needed to start pulling myself together. I had stayed quiet about the layers of makeup Buse had slathered on my face last night—she was good at it—but now I was desperate to get it off. Who knew what I looked like right now? I probably looked like the makeup had formed its own battleground on my face. I was sure the girl who looked decent last night now looked like a complete circus monkey.
Hoping no one besides my close friends had seen me like this, I leaned over and grabbed my phone from the floor. Let’s see what time it was, and where life had left off...
I was about to check the time and lock the phone again when my eyes caught something in the notification bar—something that shouldn’t have been there. The name on the message made me jump up from where I sat and scream.
NO NO NO! This couldn’t be real. It was YAMAN—the guy I had been hopelessly in love with since the beginning of university. The kind of guy people turned around to look at again and again. Everyone adored him. He was the campus star.
NO WAY. THIS HAD TO BE A MISTAKE. Him and me? No. I shook my head in disbelief. I had to still be drunk and hallucinating. Maybe I wasn’t seeing the actual name—maybe I was seeing who I wanted to see. My heart pounded like it was trying to break free from my chest as I forced my trembling hands to open WhatsApp. As the app loaded and the names appeared, I looked for the message...
Still there. Same name. YAMAN.
I blinked rapidly. I was seeing it right. I wasn’t hallucinating.
This was really happening. Yaman had messaged me.
My excitement was so overwhelming that I didn’t even realize I was holding my breath. Ignoring my shaking fingers, I tapped on his name. I felt like I was opening a lottery box—was I going to get what I wanted or... something I’d regret forever?
As the chat loaded and the messages appeared one by one, my eyes widened in horror. And this time, a scream escaped me—not from excitement, but pure panic that tore through my throat.
OH MY GOD! WHAT... WHAT WAS THIS?! WHAT HAD I DONE?! WHAT THE HELL DID I WRITE?! YES, I WAS DRUNK, BUT WAS I ALSO SHAMELESS?!
At that moment, I desperately needed the earth to open and swallow me whole. That was the only way I could be saved from this disaster...
