Chapter one
The salty breeze mingled with the faint scent of grilled seafood waiting from the small seaside restaurant where we sat. The sky was a perfect shade of blue, the sun high but gentle, as if hesitant to warm the early afternoon too much. It was just past noon and the light was soft, casting a shimmering glow over the calm waves.
Candace was animatedly talking beside me, her hands moving expressively as she told some story. Her long blonde hair caught the sunlight, strands glowing like spun gold, framing her delicate face and sharp green eyes that sparkled with excitement. She was tall and slender, with an effortless grace that made her stand out in any crowd.
But my mind has slipped far away, caught in a tangle of thoughts I couldn’t shake. I stared out at the horizon, watching a lone of seagull circle before it disappeared beyond the edge of the water.
Suddenly, I caught the tail end of Candace’s sentence and realized she’d been talking to me for a few minutes.
I blinked, startled back to reality.
« Kaylah ! Hey, are you even listening? » she laughed, nudging my arm.
I forced a smile, ashamed « Sorry… What were you saying? »
Her eyes softened, but she didn’t push « I asked what’s been on your mind lately. You’ve been so quiet. »
I wanted to tell her everything: the fear, the stress, the endless exhaustion, but the words wouldn’t come. Instead, I shook my head lightly.
« Nothing. Just tired, I guess. Didn’t sleep well last night. »
Candace gave me a look that said she didn’t believe me, but she let it go.
She shifted in her seat, brushing a stray lock of blonde hair behind her ear. Her green eyes studied me carefully, like she was trying to see through the walls I’d build around myself.
« You know you can tell me everything, right ? I’ve been your best friends since 4th grade. I know when something’s eating at you »
I looked down at my hands folded tightly in my lap, feeling the weight of her gaze. The crisp breeze tugged at the edge of my jacket, and the faint chill made me pull my sleeve a little lower
Candace’s voice broke through the quiet, her tone teasing but concerned.
« So, is it about Josh? I mean, it’s been a while, but you never really talk about him »
I forced a small laugh, trying to sound casual. « Seriously, Candace? Josh? We haven’t talked in three years »
She narrowed her eyes, not fully convinced. « Three years, huh? You sure about that? Because it doesn’t seem like it sometimes. »
I looked away, swallowing the lump in my throat. « I’m just tired, that’s all. Let’s not talk about him. »
Candace sighed, leaning back against the bench. « Okay if you say so. But, you know I’m here whenever you want to talk, right? »
I nodded, grateful yet still trapped by the silence I kept inside.
Candace has been my anchor through every storm. Our mothers have been friends for as long as I can remember, and she knows me better than anyone. Since we were twelve, we dreamed about spending our last year of college in South Korea. Candace’s obsession with K-pop and K-drama fuels that dream; she’s been learning korean since high school and wants to become a translator in Seoul.
But reality is far more complicated for me.
I’m not sure I’ll even get to go. I still haven’t found the internship I need to complete my mechanical engineering degree, and most of the companies won’t even consider an american girl who barely speaks korean. My school is clear : no internship abroad, no degree. I never imagined it would be this hard.
Candace already has her university and housing sorted. She’s waiting for me, but I’m running out of time.
Back at my mom’s house, the familiar quietness surrounds me, but inside, a storm is brewing. I try to keep it all inside, to hide the weight I carry everyday.
The truth is that I’m scared. Scared of failing my exams and more than anything scared of letting Candace down.
I havent told anyone, not even my mom. I don’t want to add other worries. Everyone’s got enough problems already.
I lay on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, feeling the soft light of the afternoon filter through the curtains. The room smells fairly of lavender and old books, quiet except for the occasional distant sounds from downstairs. My mind drifts back years, to when Candace and I were just nine years old.
I remember the first time she saw me in my dobok. She was so curious, eyes wide with wonder. « What’s that? »She asked pointing at the white uniform with its green belt tightly around my waist. I explained is was for taekwondo, a korean martial art. She listened intently, asking questions one after the other, about kicks, the patterns, the history. It was because of her curiosity that she first learned about Korea, a world so different from our small hometown in California.
That memory brings a small smile, even as the weight on my chest remains. It’s strange how something so simple, like a martial arts uniform, could open a whole new world for us both.
Before I can sink any deeper into the past, the door cracks open, and my mom’s voice breaks through my thoughts.
« Wake up, Sleeping Beauty »she says gently as she steps inside.
I open my eyes and respond quietly. « I’m not sleeping »
She smiles softly, crossing the room to sit on the edge of my bed, sensing there’s more I’m not saying.
« Then what are you doing on your bed at 3 pm? » she asks, concern threading through her usual light tone.
I feel a lump form in my throat. « Maybe I’m crying ?? Leave me alone please » I say, voice cracking.
She doesn’t push, just stays close, her fingers tracing slow circled on my scalp as if to soothe the storm inside me. « You’re here for only two weeks and you want me to leave you alone? » she murmurs.
I lift my head slowly, eyes shimmering with unspilled tears. My sadness feels heavy, but her presence is a small anchor in the sea of my confusion.
I try to push myself up, but my body feels heavy, weighed down by the exhaustion and worry that have settled deep inside me.
« I’m sorry, mom… I’m probably the worst daughter » I whisper, voice trembling.
She smiles softly, the kind of smiles that crinkles the corners of here eyes and makes me believe, just for a moment, that everything might be okay.
« Not the worst, maybe second worst »she jokes gently, trying to lighten the mood.
I manage a weak laugh, but the tension doesn’t leave my chest.
She squeezes my hand, then pulls me into a hug. The warmth of her arms feels like a shield from the chaos outside these walls.
«You can’t fix anything by hiding away like this » she says quietly, her voice steady. « Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on ».
I want to, but the words catch in my throat. It’s easier to lie. To keep everything bottled up.
« It’s nothing, just…. I have an exam soon. I’m scared I’ll fail. That’s all. » I lie
She doesn’t press further, but I seethe flicker of doubt in her eyes.
« Okay… If that’s you want to believe » She says, brushing a stray lock of my brown hair behind my ear.
For a while, we just sat there. The quiet is not uncomfortable, it’s the kind of silence that holds space for things too heavy to say aloud.
She pulls back slightly, searching my eyes like she can see right through the walls I’ve built.
« Kaylah… You know you can tell me anything, right? »
I swallow hard, the trust burning in my chest. The weight of all the secrets, the fear, the disappointment. I take a shaky breath.
« Mom.. I’m scared. I don’t think I can make it to South Korea » I finally say, voice barely above a whisper.
Her face shift, concern deepening. « What do you mean? »
I close my eyes, memories flooding back, the nights spent scrolling through internship listings, the rejection emails, the endless hope that slowly slipped away.
« I can’t find an internship there. I’ve tried everything, but no one will take me… I’m afraid I’ll have to give up the whole plan. »
She pulls me closer again, wrapping me in a warm embrace.
« We’ll figure this out. You’re stronger than you think. »
I heap a tear from my cheek.
« I didn’t want to tell Candace or anyone. I thought I could fix it alone. »
She brushes my hair away softly.
« You never have to be alone. We’re in this together. »
I take a shaky breath and meet her eyes, searching for a flicker of hope.
« Mom…the deadline is coming up fast. Two months left to find something and sort all the paperwork. If I don’t, I’ll have to settle for the backup plan: an internship in Paris with dad »
Her eyes widen, a shadow crossing her face. « Paris ? With your father? Kaylah, that can’t be the plan »
I was born in Paris and lived there for the first 8 years of my life. Back then, my world revolved around my family, or at least, what was left of it. My dad and I used to be really close, like best friends. But everything changed when he started traveling more and more for work, back and forth between our town and Paris. Then, one day, without warning, he left my mom for another woman, someone younger, from Paris. Since the divorce two years ago, we’ve barely spoken.
He tries make up for it sometimes, even offered me to my internship at his company. But I’m still not sure if I’m ready to face him… or Paris again.
I bite my lip, the weight of the thought crushing me. « I know. That’s why I’m so scared. I don’t want to see him again. But what choice do I have? »
She pulls me in tighter, whispering. « We’ll fin a way. Together. »
For a moment, the fear inside me eases, replaced by the warmth of her presence. But deep down, the battle isn’t over yet.
