What is your opinion?
Promising Epic Fantasy
"Very interesting beginning, especially since it largely unfolds through dialogue and character. Many stories of this ilk begin with long, dense descriptions of the environment and/or lengthy quasi-scholarly historical overviews. This story simply throws us into the world and its characters, fleshing out the latter with nice turns of phrase and idiomatic--even ribald--language. It moves very well and would seduce anyone into dark epic fantasy in the mold of Game of Thrones, etc. Indeed, it pays more than a passing glance to that famous series. "Cereborn" also sounds very LOTR (i.e. Celeborn), so I wonder if you should alter the name a bit so as not to sound too Tolkeinesque. Since this is only an excerpt, it's hard to tell where the story is going or what is at stake for the characters yet. But much the same could be said for many stories here on Inkitt, mine included! It does seem a little meandering at present, and I didn't feel a sense of what is happening so much as who it is happening to. Another chapter or excerpt might help flesh this out. There are also a few mechanical issues owing to the draft status of this work which could be addressed to make it read cleaner: for example, commas are dropped often, particularly in dialogue. A sentence like (not one of yours, but an example): "Well then King Mark I wonder what if any treasures you've uncovered" is often given without any punctuation. It should read. "Well then, King Mark, I wonder what, if any, treasures you've uncovered." Also, you often end dialogue with a period when it is still part of the sentence, for example: "So that's how it's going to be." Said King Mark. Which should read: "So that's how it's going to be," said King Mark. Also watch typos, but these were relatively few. Overall, though. this is a fine story and promises to become a rewarding,. engrossing epic in future installments! Keep writing!"
Review.
"A really good start, I must say. I like the overall tone of the story - it is very current with things like Game of Thrones. Your vocabulary is awesome as your descriptiveness and overall world building is something I really like. The characters are well defined so far and I really want to read the next chapter! One thing though is I feel is a lot of character names are mentioned and the reader may feel a bit lost however this is a really small detail and with future chapters can be resolved. Good job!"
