Ton For Performances

Choosing whether doing homework at his dorm or sacrificing a few points was worth for Theo’s birthday, he remained stagnant when walking back from class, he made up his mind and texted to meet at the diner a few blocks down from the University campus. The shift to externalizing his emotional labor on anything that’s useful, like wrapping a long self-help book he got at a media bookstore, or watching a YouTube video until something insightful is noticed. He prepared his outfit, and stared in the mirror nervously to not think why he was going. She deserves better than this, he thought, chasing the idea to busy himself, buttoning his shirt. Only to be interrupted by the sharp ringing of his phone, showing on the screen Theo responded with, “Nice choice. I love that place.” He then felt inspired. He moved quickly to grab his keys, and exit out his dorm, without first leaving the wrapped book, with a red bow, out on his bed, perfectly in the center.

It was a fine dinner, however. Confiding in himself he was right to feel uneasy the way he did; it probably would comfort him if catching any sign his girlfriend, Theo, felt the same way. He could move through paying at the register and thanking the waiter for good service, without beckoning on the rest of the date.

They exited, and he held the door open for another couple; Theo walked ahead on the sidewalk and looked back, waiting for James to ketchup. “Well, how nice of you,” she said humorously. “You should get a gold star.” And, as James just smiled and walked up next to her, she touched his cheek with her finger and giggled.

“Well, the boy made eye contact with me so, I kinda had to,” James said. He put his hands in his pockets, hoping he gave a boyish expression.

She noticed and giggled again. “I must be the luckiest girl then,” she said. Both then thought, and held hands to show they just achieved a great moment with one another.

They judged the clear nightly weather and thought a good walk would do each other some good. James suggested each streetlight lighting down a romantic path, meant they should walk back together to his dorm. With the moon half way seen, he thought wonderfully how much Theo would spot the book, “The Atomic Habits;” and would, out of the course of his anxiety, make due and explain authentically his suppressed excitement than what he seemed. He dreamed he was the place holder for feelings for Theo - the guy Theo could come to for emotional advice. How together, they could achieve well earned status: the couple who worked well as a team. This, as James thought, would be a life achievement on its own; he then looked at Theo to focus on what she was saying. “- and after my friend texted happy birthday, I went to bible study. It was weird today, though.”

“How so?” James asked. Wrapping his arm around her shoulder as they passed a vintage store, famous for many students who needed quick accessories, or wanted a plain style of clothes not to seem too outspoken with their fashion.

Theo stared at the ground, with her thumb at her lip. She watched her shoes, 1960s made, and visioned how well they go with her new dress she's wearing, that her mother bought at the store. “It was weird, there’s a guy named - I think it was ‘Charles’ or ‘Trent.’ I don’t remember exactly. But today, he made quite a scene. The whole time me and my friend just watched as he yelled, ‘This isn’t right, this isn’t fair!’”

James nodded. They took a few steps and stopped at a stoplight. James pressed the button to walk across, and even if no cars were spotted they still waited. Turning back to Theo, “Wow,” he finally said.

“Yeah, it was weird."

Just making sure that they wouldn’t be walking quietly back to his dorm, James asked, “What did he mean by that?”

“Who knows. The guy always found something to complain about in there,” Theo said strictly. “Always fighting with the professor - he asked these inappropriate questions about purgatory and death and …” Theo didn't bother to finish her sentence, and instead flinged her hand in the air, and crossed her arms. When James noticed the street light allowed them to walk across, he reached out his hand to Theo. She gently grabbed it and they began walking again; proudly looking at James, thinking how well she did so. “Not to be that person, but I was glad the professor kicked him out today.” Theo looked at the road next to her and James nodded; he was aware Theo waited if he would judge or agree.

And said, “Some guys just need a little push, is all,” - he coughed to clear his voice -, “There's nothing wrong with what the professor did.” He put his arms around her shoulder again. She looked at him and thought she should smile, and kissed him quickly.

“I know. Poor thing though, I did feel bad. Do you think it's okay to feel bad?” She looked at him.

“Always,” James said, and leaned in to kiss her on the forehead, and she gladly was satisfied.

“I thought so,” she said, and giggled while they continued to walk; a few blocks from the dorms. “Gold star for me, I guess.”

For the next blocks they effortlessly kept their topics grounded, talking about favored professors, fear of school work, and often, trailing back to remembering past birthdays of their elementary days, recovering the lost tradition of childhood. And James, every time, was given the chance to show how much he valued his own innocence. Thus, Theo, not out of insecurity of one's life's shadow, saw this as a confident deity how he treats those who seem naive or innocent. She too, however, was common to associate this with almost every guy she's dated. Now, while listening to James ramble about his 12th birthday - she grasped and thought, how well she's made it this far and how long this would last - and smiled, staring down at the way the streetlights above them shower their shadows on the sidewalk, together. And, looking up to show she was listening, halfway in the darkness, down the sidewalk, ahead was a boy; almost nearly plain, but, as he was coming in their direction, James stopped talking, spotting the boy also. In case this was some of his friends he knew, he needed to show he was formal in front of his girlfriend. But as the boy approached, and then continuing to walk forward slowly, the only straight path to the dorms - they both realized with slight anxiety, an expression of distress was caught on the boy, along with a walk that stumbled half heartily.

Theo tried pulling James to go across the road to the other side. James glanced at her, and, before he could say anything before the boy got close enough, he stopped and waited. The boy's face appeared under the streetlight - feverless in the eyes.

Then suddenly, “excuse me?” came from the boy's mouth; a voice slipping into the mind of Theo, almost jumping at the sound.

“Yes? What’s up," James said flatly. He and Theo held arms together now; and stepping back would signify James was active for any possible danger. However, the boy then said, “I need help looking for my little brother - he ran off, you see, and I'm wondering if you see anybody, elementary age, walk by.”

Now able to look at the boy, “Elementary age?” Theo said coldly, and glanced at James if he caught her tone.

James saw her glance and looked at the boy, bringing his best to look concerned, naturally. “I'm sorry about that. Sadly we haven't seen anything like -.”

“Whats his name?” Theo said quickly, unwrapping herself cautiously from James arm.

“Trevor. Trevor Nelson; he's about 10 years old.”

“Okay then,” Theo said, “what was he wearing?” The boy looked dispersed while trying to recount details, ultimately saying, “a red hoodie with jeans and sneakers.”

“Okay then,” Theo said and turned to James. She leaned close to his ear. “Um, I think we should get to the dorms first so we can call the security from there and - .”

“Please, I'm sure he's around here!” The boy said to Theo, a small tear was walling up. He then peered at James. Now both the eyes of Theo and the boy looked and waited.

James nodded, seeming as though he was forming a plan, but really was trying to come up with something smart, and fast; I could stay here and she could go, he thought gladly, and looked at Theo.

“How about you go ahead and I'll meet you at my dorm,” then, looking at the boy, “You and I can start searching, and I'll see if we can report this to the security.” Wow, James thought, I didn't think of that yet; is it possible to let your brain do things without your permission? Meanwhile, Theo nodded and glanced at the boy and James, and stepped back to let them talk.

“Thank you so much. Really, you're an angel,” the boy said heavily.

“Well, we'll see what we can do,” James said, and went ahead and kissed Theo on the forehead, proud he did so. “Go ahead. My room is B6; I'll be there in a bit.”

“Okay then,” Theo said, nodding. Both boys began walking opposite of her direction. And before Theo could reach the corner to head on the main campus, by taking one glance behind her, she saw nothing but darkness and streetlights. She suddenly felt what she thought was annoyance, but instead, was straight fear.

Suggested by the boy - shorter than a few inches, James noted - it was observant to James, taking a route to a park a few blocks from campus, realizing how far they walked, that the street they now entered was familiar. Having much courage for the boy, although James searched by the swings, slides, remained silent for the most part just following the boy. He placed the park as his favorite, while searching in branches of trees if the little brother had hid in them. Located in the middle of a small, well-built neighborhood, James swore he played here many times. Recalling on one of his birthdays with his mother, he played with toys with friends now long gone. With his flashlight on his phone, he observed where the boy went, walking in multiple directions calling out his brother’s name. “Where are you, Trevor! Come back to me.” Of course, James would call out too - only to hold back his voice, anticipating he would embarrass himself by waking up the neighborhood. “Trevor, are you here? Come back to me, please!” Luckily, no one heard either of them.

A few minutes of dragging back to campus, the many stores, including the diner James and Theo had dinner, their doors closed and the parking lots emptied. The sidewalks, under street lamps, searching and passing alleyways, where some of the bulbs in the medal posts were out, others turned a strange purple. The color as they passed underneath them, James became unnerved of the contrast on the boy’s face - because of the light not being off-white it's as though the shadows around his eyes and forming his cheeks were shifting dramatically. So James wondered if the boy was having familiar thoughts about his face, and looked down at his shoes - the same sneakers his mother bought this year for school. Watching as they walked; their shadows morph oddly on the sidewalk.

And after yelling out his name multiple times, the voice that came from the boy, James could hear his voice slowly rasp a bit, until, when arriving at the same stoplight to cross, and waiting for the signal to allow walking, no cars anywhere still, the boy burst into tears. “He’s sensitive, you know,” he said without looking at James. “We can’t have a lot on our plate because he only has me. The only person he can trust.”

The signal turned into a white silhouette of a person walking; James tried to come up with something insightful, but was stumped, not by embarrassment because Theo wasn’t near, but fear itself that moved him to finish whatever he could say. And, with hesitation, said, “We’ll find him. Don’t worry.” This, he thought, would be the moment to pat the boy’s back for comfort, but he kept walking along him, as the boy continued to sniffle and go back to calling out to Trevor.

By being back on the same sidewalk they met the boy, James awkwardly wondered if the boy would thank him, and go and finish searching on his own, while James, promising to contact the security at his dorm room, would go back and tell Theo all about what happened. But looking ahead, with the same streetlights, bulbs of off-white, did the boy suddenly stop yelling ‘Trevor,’ and pointed up and said, “Wait.”

James stopped, looked at the boy’s focus, and followed where he was looking, staring ahead; he then thought, is this how I looked when we saw him coming? He tried peering in the darkness to see if a small boy, elementary age, could be spotted.

“I see him,” the boy said. His voice was light, uplifting; so out of place then what James was already thinking of him, he felt an anxiety leeching in him that he couldn’t ask where he was seeing his little brother. “I see him!” the boy said again, looking at James happily. “That’s him - thank god!”

James, again, tried following where the boy was looking, pointing even, but found nothing. The streetlight above them made looking at the boy’s face more clear. Though looking at him now, seeing him as this relieved, joyful person, became unsettling James could only say, “See, I told you’ll find him.” He stayed clear, as the boy turned to him with a smile, tears coming down his face. “Thank you - thank you so much. I couldn’t have done this alone.” He went ahead and shook James hand and began walking forward, quickly, towards what James could only see was darkness and an empty sidewalk.

“Are you sure that’s him,” James asked, but the boy ignored him and kept going. While James was hoping, in some way, he didn’t maybe show he was tired of searching for his little brother, and gave up by coming up with something to walk away and search on his own. James couldn’t shake off the feeling why he even went; busying himself to think otherwise he started directing himself where his dorm was and took out his phone to text Theo he was coming back.

The streetlight above, before he could glance back to see where the boy went, the bulb, and the rest of the lights down the sidewalk, went off and true silence crept in. He glanced around and, with precision, left the area to get somewhere with light. That didn’t take long, he thought, chuckling lazily to himself.

When Theo found B6, she walked in knowing James had left it unlocked, and was surprised to find the room neatly organized, at least what she sees now, and spotted on the clean sheets, on the center of the bed, a wrapped present with a red bow. She was curious if James lastly planned and, in a hurry, made the room and the bed, including the wrapped book - she opened it delicately and found he bought her “Atomic Habits;” and lastly, with ambition, made everything naturally fitted. She couldn’t be sure what she was feeling was pride, but likely impressed and fond of how much, because of me, she thought, he was just as messy to get things done quickly; and sat on the bed to start reading her new book.

Best having productivity always near, in case exact moments, like being nervous for James were to pop up, she needed to take the advantage waiting for something to happen. And after an hour of reading with her eyes straining at such a need to focus on the words, James entered through the door with an uninspired look. And right away, Theo closed her book to sit up on the bed. “How was it?” she asked cautiously. “Did anything happen?”

He threw his wallet and phone on his desk that came with the room, went over and sat on the bed with her. “No, not really. It was just weird.”

“How?” Theo said steadily; James noticed how she leaned forward, waiting for him to respond.

“I don’t know; I guess we succeeded in our mission,” James said, he chuckled hoping Theo would say something mischievous or funny. Instead, however, she stood up and walked to the opposite of the room, with her arms around herself.

James continued -, “So, we went around campus then to a park. I searched around the trees thinking the boy would be in the branches somewhere.” James took off his shoes, made sure to look as if he kept them underneath, side by side, under the bed everyday. “Did I ever tell you when my dad was in jail, I had my twelfth birthday there?” Theo didn’t respond. “Anyway,” he began. “We looked around the neighborhood and found nothing. It wasn’t until - remember where we met him - well, we were coming to that spot when he said, ‘wait is that him!’” James paused for effect, but could see a flush of nervousness flood Theo’s face. “I tried looking but all I saw was the sidewalk. I thought my eyes might be bad, but, I swear, the boy kept saying he sees Trevor, but I just couldn’t spot him.”

Theo put her thump on her lip, staring into space; and James thought to ask if she was alright, but said, “Anyway. The boy thanked me and left. But god - I think I have my dad’s eyes cause I just can’t see well in the dark, sometimes.” Then suddenly, before James could ask what she thought about her present, Theo took a loud breath, as though irritated but overwhelmed. “What’s wrong?” James said. “Did I say something bad?” And with a flush of horror that shot in his stomach, Theo looked at him and said, “I think we should report this to the advocacy center.”

“Why?” James said.

“Because, James,” Theo said. “That boy - that was Trevor, from bible study.”