Insomnia ft.

Insomnia, Featuring…

There is someone asleep next to you. They mean the world. They need rest too.

You fidget. You fidget again. You can’t wake them. Why should they feel what you feel? Why should they suffer because of your inability to relax.

You move as quietly as a mouse to gently remove yourself from their slumber. They move slightly and you panic.

“Stop. Wait. Don’t even breathe.”

They lightly sigh back into sleep, and you can attempt the manoeuvre again.

With footsteps lighter than feathers you navigate the passage out of the room, but every creak in the floor sounds like a thunderstorm in your head.

After weighing out this storm you eventually reach your goal, and it feels like a mission accomplished. You can reset now, surely?!

But the next set of quests begin – the tv, the light, getting water from the fridge. Where do you start? How quiet can you be?

And then you think…

This same person told you something another night. Something that really hits – “relax, do what you would do without me here, I want you here regardless”. This means something. They will never understand how much.

You try the next night - still feeling slightly uncomfortable - you move slightly. Then a little more. The same routine. Your catch 22, the never-ending night shift.

Eventually you move into the other room again, but it is no longer the mission you expected it to be. This little mouse of a person has come out of their shell. The fear of disturbing someone is less of a thing.

Eventually, you miss their presence. Their warmth. Their skin.

And so, you crawl back to bed. Your usual subtle movements have declined amidst your craving for this contact.

They sleepily welcome you with open arms.

“Are you okay?”

You curl up.

“Yes”

“Get some sleep.” They say. Like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

They sleep again. You envy them.

Insomnia still exists.

But you are there. You are safe. You are with them.

That’s enough for now.