Her
As a child, I guess you could say I was always pretty reserved. At most times, I felt no need to talk, no need to engage, no need to care about much whatsoever.. I kept everything to myself. I saw no point in confiding in others and, I saw no problem with the way I was. Don't get me wrong, I loved people and I loved my family, everything at times but.. there was always something that never let those feelings break through. Almost as if I'm battling emotions that don't belong to me, or rather, a different me.
I have no recollection of my childhood before the age of 8 besides faint memories of school. Whenever I try to recall anything outside of school, I can't help but strain myself into a massive headache- after a while I gave up on trying. Asking my parents for any details never helps either as they oddly push the present. Asking about the past is a dead end with those guys, and trying your luck with the future is weirdly as terminated. I'd find it more strange if I cared a bit more, but it's hard to be passionate in a place that strips away anything not black and white. Everyone in town is just as dry and brittle, to the point you could think someone painted a pastel grey over the atmosphere keeping it from ever reaching its potential of bliss. Of course, there are multiple communities within the land, I'm just never allowed to ask or learn about them as they're probably too far from my own present- and I guess they hold no place in my future.
I live in a castle amidst the entire land, it can be seen from miles out, so I'm told. I've never been allowed anywhere outside of the castle grounds, and the land east of it. North, south, and west all hold the ventures over to the other communities, so I never hold my breath on getting passed there after the rejection of 1,000 times. The land east of the castle is filled with workers, entrepreneurs, and families that keep one another afloat. I'm not really sure how my parents came into their position, as it must been a generational thing. I go from their word, as I am to do every other time, since they are actually the only lines of family I have. If you ask why I haven't asked about any other family or traces of lineage,..... you've guessed right! It's because I did and was told to focus on my present life at hand. *sigh*, if only I cared.
Now I wasn't always like this, I remember a time of being happy and adventurous. At least, I have that memory of me as those things, but almost as though it's from another life. Anything outside of being basically boarded up in such a huge castle evaded from emotion seems more.... New? I accept it as reality as it's all I can claim to know at the moment. Sometimes I can't shake the feeling that that emotion is someone trying to tell me something. That rather than lacking emotions, they're just blocked. But from what?
Can I tell you about the dream?
Will upload part 2 tomorrow!
