What is your opinion?
My First Review!
"I enjoyed reading this story, or re-reading it to give my full attention and praise. The story was suspenseful and set a good atmosphere throughout. I do wish that there was more of it because I really liked the journal entries in the second half of the story. I cannot wait to read even more from your work!"
Suggested fixes
"The story is good, and the plot as well. A few areas that need changing though (my thought) but good overall. I don't even know the characters name🤔 * For original line and # for suggested fix *Hearing the soldiers cocking their guns, that are loaded with fake bullets. # clicks echoed, each soldier loading a non-lethal round into the chamber. The mission was not to terminate the crazy, but to capture for research. (This line adds depth. Saying fake bullets takes away the realism of their weapons in my opinion) * The trio we are following begin their march towards a Tes Co Express, ..... # rather give names to the teams of three. E.g team Alpha, team Beta, and team Delta. Telling us (the reader) "the three we are following" sound a bit flat. * Chilli con carne with shards of glass for that extra crunch, anyone? # I would make one of the soldiers in the team say this, make one of them goofy or funny in a way. The way it's written asks us the readers the question and no one in their right sense would say yes, but the soldier asking the other soldiers the question adds comedy in a tense situation. *Soldier we are following...... # also sounds flat. Maybe make the leader point to an ilse and each isle is a number. E.g. the team leader tapped on the shoulder of the soldier to his left, and then signaled for him to go to ilse one. The soldier on the left was sent to ilse three, while he took ilse two. Then you tell the reader which soldier picks the diary, is it the in ilse one where the baby stuff is? Or two, where the baking stuff is located? Or in three, where you find all the canned foods? ∆PS: just my thoughts "
Gripping
"What a great story 👏 poor Mel, Darren and Jack. What a way to go lol! Looking forward to see how you push on with your chapters."
