A Patient Wolf

The beast took Lyudmila’s father first. It made sense; he was the strongest of her family. The only one that had seen war. They found Papa alone and dead in the woods, his blood and body scattered like dead leaves across the snow. The raw grief had felt like an open wound as she stared down at the open grave.

When she woke up in the night to the howls of the beast, the sight of his empty bed made her weep. She could have been stronger.

But as the beast took more of her family, a callus formed. When her brother was found cold and near death, his tears like diamonds on his face, Lyudmila felt merely cold. His wounds were severe, he didn’t survive the fever.

When her mother, sister, and she buried him, Lyudmila clutched the wooden rosary. The bitter wind plucked at her lips. She remembered what her brother whispered in his final fever. Of beasts whose shapes twisted into that of men. Of how a man with red hair offered him a choice.

'Join us, brother, or die.' The best thing that could be said was that he died untainted and soul still intact. Lyudmila's unshed tears sat heavy.

Only a hollow feeling as she spotted the beast watching her with warm brown eyes and a bloody mouth at the edge of the woods. Red hair fluttering in the wind, still with that rueful smile.

His nakedness made her look away despite her familiarity with it. She wanted to scream, to curse and wail that the murderer was right there. But terror kept her silent even as his human form flowed into a black wolf.

‘It didn’t need to come to this, mate. If you come to me, I’ll spare the rest.’ His voice was in her head. Soft and soothing. Lyudmila prayed to the Blessed Virgin. Rebuked the beast to save herself. She would not go, despite how her weak body wanted it.

Temptation tasted sweet, but its consequences were bitter. Her soul had been in danger when she rejected his courtship. Now her family suffered the consequences.

Was the guilt worth her salvation? Could she bear to find Miloslava’s body frozen or worse, torn to pieces by his pack of monsters? She turned her back on him.

What was earthly pain compared to the fires of hell? The agony of being without God’s grace? Pleasure was not worth that. Even the white haze of the wolf’s fingers wasn’t sweet enough. No matter how parts of her craved it. The curse of womanhood was a tendency to fall into sin right down to Eve.

‘On your head rests their fates, beloved one.’ Now it felt like a great chorus. The woods and the soil and the snow howled with his need. She ran back to her home.

Her mother, Verka, was next. Lyudmila and Miloslava never found her body. She'd gone out to chase off the wolves that slaughtered their goats. There was a single whispered yes before a great howl split the starless night.

In the cold light of morning, all that remained was her mother’s sickle and her ripped dress. A small trail of blood led to the wood. While her sister wailed and clung tight to her, Lyudmila noticed the many paw prints in the surrounding snow.

‘Come to me and I will spare your sister, sweet mate. I only want you. What has turned your heart against me?’

It is a few days later. Like a ghost, he haunted her every step outside. The surviving goat and her kids nibble at the grass as she took them to graze. There was little point in it now that mother was gone. But the simple task distracted from the gnawing guilt in her stomach.

She looked up. He knelt not more than a few steps away on the path. So close, Lyudmila could see the glimmer of gold in his red hair. He stroked a gray wolf of remarkable size. One that huffed and licked at his face.

It looked happy, and her heart broke. Her mother had a scar along her chest from when a knight wanted sport. This wolf had a similar one. She led her goats away. Prayers spilled across her lips as the wolves howled in her head.

Lyudmila and her sister Miloslava hid themselves at night. Set up a place above the stored hay and wheat. She found wolfsbane and tied them around the loft. Her heart is full of guilt as she tells her sister about the black wolf who got his foot caught in a snare. And of the man he became when set free.

Left out were the days of gentle, hazy pleasure. The wicked things the beast did with tongue and fingers, the slick heat as he rubbed between her thighs. His teeth in her skin and how it felt wonderful and made her float out of her body. How she fell into sin until her father caught her coming back home one night. He was not kind in his corrections.

The switch marks were proof that he loved her. Wanted to pull her from the incorrect path. Her father reminded her of the pains of hell, of the suffering of those that committed sin. That night, with a bloody back and fresh tears, Lyudmila rebuffed the wolf for the first time.

She supposed the beast killing her father was its way of protecting her. Lyudmila would never forgive it for that act of murder. Or taking her family from her.

Miloslava wanted to run even then, to escape and beseech the lord to save them. But Lyudmila knew that was hopeless. The beast had their scent and she could only pray that the purple blossoms would save them.

At night, as the beasts howled and the screams of the last goat tore the quiet apart, Lyudmila covered Miloslava’s ears. She held her close, whispered prayers to comfort herself with the endless hollow promise of salvation.

Her sister chose a more active route. Miloslava tore herself from her grasp and screamed at her.

“You brought this curse upon us! Your weakness and sin brought the devil to this place!” She wrenched open the trapdoor and slid down the ladder. Her brown and black gown fluttered around her in the dark.

“Come back! Please don’t do this. He knows your scent and mine.” The last sane look her sister gave her was full of scorn.

“You killed them and I won’t stay here to be next.” With that Miloslava was gone. Perhaps she hoped that while the beast and his pack were occupied, she could slip through. Her golden hair fluttered in the dark.

Lyudmila watched through a crack in the loft wall, praying that she made it out. She threw wolfsbane to keep the beast away. He would not track her sister back to this place on the small farm.

Miloslava made it as far as the treeline. Almost free before the pack let up a great howl. There were far more than she expected. Her sister's quick feet allowed her to dance free from their attempts to catch her. She almost made it past the wolf thing in the tattered clothing of a priest. But she stumbled and fell down to the snow. It loomed over her vulnerable body, teeth bared, eager to bite. Claws extended to tear into her as it snarled.

“Stop.” The beast’s voice was soft, but Lyudmila could clearly hear him over the snarling wolf thing. He stalked closer, brown eyes reflecting the light of the hellfire inside of him.

“Little sister Miloslava. Why look so frightened? I wish you no harm.” He held his hand out to her. “As your sweet sister should know, I didn’t want to harm any of you.” She looked up at him. Scrambled back in her terror. The wolfman in the cassock growled, and she stopped.

“Don’t kill me…” Her voice is small. Her green eyes wide in the moon’s light.

“If you take my hand, dear. It won’t have to come to that.” His voice was gentle. He pet her hair.

“One small bite and you’ll be a part of us. Just like Lyudmila and your dear mother. Come worship at the shrine of the great wolf in the old ways.”

“Don’t take it.” Lyudmila whispered, hot breath fogging in the night. She remembered what her brother feverishly whispered.

“Don’t take it, Miloslava. Don’t!”

Miloslava whimpered. “I must confess, I saw you with Lyudmila once. I was envious of your happiness. Papa found her because of me. Can you forgive the sin I committed against you two?”

“I hold no grudges, child. What does a wolf know of such things. I was a threat, and you wanted to protect her. You didn’t know I love her.” The beast allowed her to embrace him.

Then his lips peeled back, revealing his sharp teeth, and Lyudmila turned away. She couldn’t bear to watch Miloslava lose her soul to the beast and turned away. Her sister gibbered as howls filled the air.

“The great wolf in the wood wants the both of us to worship. Come out, sister, and enjoy the gifts that it offers. Throw aside the bloodless Lord on the cross and receive its blessing! It feels so good!” Her sister’s voice dissolved into mad weeping. Soon her sweet voice joins the chorus of howls.

Lyudmila turned away from the hole in the wall and wept. Bitter tears traced her cheeks as she recited the act of contrition. Her pale hand fingered the scarf in her hands

“O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee, and I detest all my sins.” She sobbed because she was lying even now. And worst of all to herself. She didn’t detest the sins she committed with the beast. Only that the sin had cost her so much. Lyudmila wept until her tears dried up and sleep pulled her into a fitful embrace.

“There is no need to weep, mate. All you have to do is come with me. That is all you had to do. Come down from that sad place and allow me to comfort you, Lyudmila,” His warm voice snapped her from dark dreams of hell. It’s right underneath her and she froze in terror.

“All you have to do is pledge you’ll be mine.” His voice is closer, and she knows then that the wolfbane tied to the ladder didn’t weaken him. She could imagine his sad smile as he spoke.

“Please be mine, sweet mate. I’ll be gentle. I’m not a beast that will throw you down and force my way in. My love is sweet and you know I would never hurt you.” He was tempting her, like Satan tempted the Lord in the desert. She kept quiet. Hoped that he would leave her be even as her hand found the handle of her father’s sickle. Instead, he sniffed the air and chuckled.

“My stubborn mate, are you angry? To quote your Lord, it was your pride that caused the fall. If you’d come with me that day, I wouldn’t have needed to take your family. Though your mother and sister dance yet live.” The trapdoor opened and black anger swelled in her heart.

How dare he!? Her end was near. She might as well speak her mind.

“Filthy demon! I curse the day I saw you, Tihomir! I hate the kindness in me that couldn’t let you suffer your fate that day, hellhound! Beast! Liar! How dare you claim I wanted this!” Her fingers clutched at the handle.

The door opened, and she tried to kick at him. Give herself more time to pull the sickle closer to her side. Tihomir’s brown eyes gleamed gold in the cloudy light of morning. His body slid between her trembling legs.

“Lyudmila, my sweet Lyudmila. Must you look at me with such hate?” His clawed fingers clutched her thighs, careful not to slice the delicate skin. It was heartbreakingly familiar. She paused when his fingers stroked her skin.

“If I looked at you with the true anger you deserved, you would be dancing with the devil already. Your black heart would stop!” Her face twisted in hate, but Tihomir chose then to kiss the skin of her thigh. Lyudmila felt his teeth and tongue press against his thigh. He shook as if the beast inside of him wants to throw aside civility. Her hand was almost there. The leather and metal brushed against her fingertips and she allowed herself to have hope.

Hope that she would get out of this, untainted and freed from temptation. Hope that she would bury the sickle in his beautiful face for all of his sins against her family.

The grace and protection of God wasn’t with Lyudmila, despite her devotion. The metal scraped against the wood. He is over her quickly, larger body caging her in. Tihomir’s hand encircled her wrist, pinning it down against straw and wood. Even this was gentle despite the claws. The sad look on his face grew even more despairing.

“Why do you resist what feels good? I would never hurt you.” Lyudmila thrashed and kicked at him. But he has her pinned. Those inhuman eyes crept into her head despite her hatred.

“To hell with you! If you can’t understand why I resist you, then you really are a demon.” His tongue licked her bottom lip before kissing her. Lyudmila’s hands trembled in his grip. She could smell his musk this close. The scent of his desire for her is overwhelming. Did she smell the same to him? He rubbed himself against her groin.

There is that haze again. The slick heat allows him to rub sweetly against her lower lips. She wanted to open her mouth to press her tongue against his. Slide her legs open to feel him more, but she turned her face away.

“Demon! Incubus! You killed my family! No, I hate you!” He pressed his nose into her neck, inhaling her scent as she shook in his hold. Lyudmila knew she had to fight. She needed to or her soul was lost.

“My poor kind mate, don’t you know there is nothing noble in suffering like this? In resisting the joy of mating and laying together? Your pale god born from a virgin mother makes you go through pain, joylessness, and stoicism. For what? A small taste of heaven when you die?” She whimpered when his hips pressed the hot band of his cock against the nub he loved to play with so much. His hips rocked against hers, creating a slick friction. She moaned, willing herself to remain strong. Even as his teeth nipped her throat.

“Heaven is right here, Lyudmila. No death needed.”

Lyudmila gritted her teeth. As always, this sin felt so good. The way he enfolded her, that scent made her head feel dizzy. In the cold light of morning, his skin and hair glowed. His body felt like a fever.

“All you have to do is say yes one last time. How you tempt me with your scent.” His mouth is right beside her ear, huffing and panting as he grinds himself back and forth against her. Her hips slowly moved with his. Tihomir loosened the grip on her wrists at this. Let his hands rove down her arms to cup her face.

“I’ll fill you up with all of my love. Knot you until our pups fill your belly. No more fighting Lyudmila, just accept the Great Wolf again and we’ll be so happy.” His fingertips stroked over her lips. Tihomir was gentle, always gentle. Even now, when it would be so easy for him to force himself onto her, he was giving her a choice.

Lyudmila sighed. Then she made her choice. When his fingers pressed against her lips again, she bit him. Kicked him off, causing his face to screw up in pain. With the desperation of a drowning man, she scrambled backward for the sickle. “I won’t forgive you for what you did!”

She swings the sickle quickly, having no hope that it will strike him. But her desperation was swift and wild. She hit Tihomir’s outstretched arm. The impact shuddered down her arm. Lyudmila almost dropped it in fear and regret.

By nature, she wasn’t a violent person. She let it go with a sob. Used the moment of Tihomir’s stunned hurt to back away. He’s bleeding, getting it everywhere, and she felt a sob hiccup past her lips. Suppressed the urge to press her hand against the wound. She could never stand to see a living creature suffer.

“That was for my father, you black-hearted demon!” He merely looked at her with those inhuman eyes. Not even bothering to stanch the blood. Love and adoration still on his face despite the injury.

“I ought to kill you. To strike you down right here for what you did. But we both know why I can’t do that. And… I hate that I can’t do it.”

“I tried to be fair, but I’m a wolf and sometimes wild animals can’t help themselves. It was a terrible boon to give you for your kindness. My dear savage mate, stop fighting. After all, we are the same now.”

“No! We are nothing alike.” They danced around each other. She rebuked his attempts to comfort and embrace. She would not admit the truth. The horrid truth Lyudmila ran from since she woke up beside the forest’s edge, the taste of blood and meat in her mouth.

How the joy of the hunt still thrummed in her bones. The howl of the Great wolf had been hard to resist. But still she had crawled back home. Because the fires of hell terrified her more.

“Lyudmila, you are right. We aren’t alike. I didn’t eat my father after biting out his throat.” She drew back from him. Tears streamed down her face.

“My love, don’t cry. I’m not being cruel, only stating the truth. He hit you. And you… were beautiful. A twin of the Great Wolf, itself. You had white fur, and you defied him.”

“Lyudmila! I see the devil has marked ye! That you’ve given up your soul for Lust!” She is back in the wood, her father’s terrified face swimming in the dark of the moonless night. Lyudmila towers over him. Her hands are claws and it is so easy to strike out…

“No, I won’t remember this! I’m a good woman. Not a sinner or a heathen. I didn’t kill him.” Lyudmila pulled at her hair. She wouldn’t remember. He's closer now.

Tihomir let out a low groan. An adoring grin on his face as he stepped in even closer. Lyudmila bumped into the wall and she’s trapped. There is nowhere to hide from memory or from him. Or how the scent of his blood made something feral stir inside of her.

This beast of hell… no, even now, despite everything, he was Tihomir. The gentle black wolf that licked at her tears and comforted her. Like now, as she wept. Lyudmila sobbed when his warm hands cupped her face. “My dear, there is no reason to cry. With your own hands, you freed yourself from his reign of terror.”

“I killed my father… I killed him. Oh God, I’m damned! I know what the flesh of my father tastes like! How can I know heaven after that?!” Lyudmila tried to stick a finger down her throat, but he stopped her. Pulled her into an embrace as she wailed. She sank to her knees, and he knelt with her. Stroked her hair when she screamed.

No prayers came to her lips. Only lamentations and pleading with a silent God that had abandoned her. And through it all, Tihomir held her. His body heat and gentle touch kept her from digging her nails into her arms.

“Shh, my sweet mate. It wasn’t your fault. If I hadn’t fallen in love with you… maybe I wouldn’t have bitten you. The first few changes are always the most chaotic. You couldn’t control your hunger.” He caressed her back, and the soft touch made her shiver in his arms. Why was she feeling anything like pleasure when God had turned his face from her sin?

“I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill him because he was so cruel to the animals in the woods and mother. To feel that way is a sin. I’m evil, don’t you understand?! I’m damned! Oh, God! I’m…”

“Any God that damns you to Hell for a thought is not a worthy god to worship. One that causes their followers so much torment just to follow him is a cruel god. Tell me, Lyudmila.” Tihomir cups her face in his warm hands.

“When you killed that cruel man and you watched me kill the brother that had his heart poisoned, what did you feel?”

Lyudmila closed her eyes to escape his inhuman stare. The gold in his eyes was disconcerting. There was nowhere in that stare for lies. His blood slips into her mouth and her stomach growls. The urge to change and hunt made her struggle to break free. But his grip was like iron.

“Stop it, I’m already going to Hell. Why must you torment me? Wasn’t taking my family enough?! Let me go! Let me go...”

“Open your eyes and be truthful, mate. Our love will not last if you can’t be truthful. The Great Wolf doesn’t tolerate liars.” Lyudmila squirmed, knowing that her damnation would be complete once she uttered the words. She opened her eyes and cried out. The sound is her soul breaking.

“I felt joy.” She croaked. “When my claws sank into his chest and I ate his still beating black heart, I was… happy. He was not a gentle man. War changed him. Made him cruel. So it wasn’t hard to strike him down. A mercy really. I felt free until I woke up. And knew God surely turned his back on me. I was never meant for heaven.” She sobbed.

“Oh, my sweet mate. Who wants entry into such an inhospitable place? Heaven is here. The joy of the hunt, the pleasure of this world. Why would you want anything beyond this?” His lips pressed against her, the flicker of his tongue made her mouth open.

Tihomir tasted of the wood, of the white fire of the Great Wolf's howl bubbling up in her throat. Crawling along her bones to help her change, make her transform. She became what it wanted. A wolf.

Lyudmila pulled back and screamed. Felt her nails and teeth grow long as Tihomir watched her with awe. Her bones felt wrong and shifted under her skin. She groaned as the fire of change made her twitch and shudder in his arms. It hurt, but less so now. Her body was familiar with it now.

“Become Lyudmila. Set yourself free.” Tihomir’s joyous face was the last thing she remembered before the change consumed her thoughts. She howled again, and he howled with her. Human features flowing into something half beast, half man. She recognized his gentle eyes.

“You’re beautiful, my sweet mate.” Lyudmila licked his face before she stood on two white furred legs. This form felt familiar. It felt true. And the joy of it thrummed in her veins. She was hungry. And the smell of the wood and blood made her grunt with joy.

‘Come with me.’ She followed her mate down and into the woods.