Every Now and Then

I wish I could again run to my father and pour everything out of my heart and mind. This time, he refused to address my dilemma. This time, I should be making the decision solely, he says.

I was rolling my phone from one hand to the other, sitting inside the parked car, waiting for the rain to stop, but wishing to stay a little longer inside the vehicle.

Before I step out, I should get ready with my answer.

My phone rang when I was busy rolling my phone and thinking.

I was so startled by the ringtone that the phone almost slipped from my hand. I hesitated but picked up the call. “I can see you are sitting inside the car. Shall I come ??” Harsh said in a plain tone. “I have not brought an umbrella”, I uttered in a broken voice.

“I am coming with the umbrella then,” he disconnected the phone.

In the silent car, I could hear my heart racing. It is rare for me because I am generally calm and confined.

Harsh knocked on the window. I stepped out, and he quickly got us under the safe roof in a single umbrella. We stepped into his house; it seemed everyone was waiting there. His parents, grandfather, and younger brother. Their eyes were so fixed on me that I could not even manage to attend to my wet silhouette.

“Come, sit near me”, Suman Aunty invited in her sweet tone. No one can ever say no to her; it’s the power of her lovely voice, which she naturally has, free from any fake accents. As soon as I sat, Harsh went inside; others started speaking.

“We are happy that you have confined your issues to us,” the grandfather said in a crooked but deep voice.

“Yes, and Harsh has talked us through the whole situation and your concerns,” Mr Gupta said.

“And we are ready to call off the wedding as of now,” Suman Aunty said, looking straight into my eyes.

I could not keep myself from crying, so I hugged her instantly. Sobbingly, I managed to push some words from my choked throat, “I am sorry for making you all go through this. It’s stupid of me; I should have clarified everything on the first day. I am truly sorry.”

“You should be,” Grandfather interrupted. “Being ambitious is good; work is worship, but it should not become more important than your life. I have seen three generations growing and understand very well the gap that lies between, so from my experience, I am saying this, overthinking on a single issue always ruins it.”

“I agree with Grandpa. You are mature enough to make decisions, but pushing you to go against your will will be the last thing we would do. So, go ahead and bid goodbye to Harsh, too.” Mr Gupta in

I feel like a naive and selfish human. The people around me are talking sense. This is proof that I don’t deserve them. I deserve nobody.

I stood and went upstairs to look for Harsh without uttering a word. He was on his study table, concentrating on some work, so I decided not to break his workflow and leave. This was right, too. I have already disturbed his life a lot; the least I can do is not to bother him anymore, just like I didn’t want to bother him earlier for an umbrella.

“Do you still have the audacity to leave without speaking to me?” He just burst out in a low voice.

“ You were concentrating on work. We could have talked over the phone, too,” I said

He instantly stood from his chair and turned to me. His swift response suggests that he was trying hard to concentrate on work. Sherlock Holmes once told John, “Work is the only antidote to misery”. As Harsh took steps closer to me, my eyes kept lowering. My eyes were finding a way to hide, to look away and never to meet his eyes.

“You know that you can never disturb me,” he said softly into my ears, embracing me in his big, muscular arms.

“Do you love me ?” He asked, embracing me

His question loosened my grip on him. I expected this to come. He asked this question for the first time in a year, and now it will continue to haunt me until I find an answer.

“It’s not a simple answer.” My tears started falling again. I pushed him away and turned to leave.