Oh! To be wanted
It is 2018 and I am fresh from high school. Like every other kid I stay home while I plan for college. For my case, home is my grandparents' place. My parents had me early. She was thirteen and he was twenty-one. I still wonder why he was not put behind bars for that. Did no one really see these early signs he was putting out there for everyone to see? I'll have to say monsters aren't created, rather nurtured.
At this time, Grandma is not as strong as she used to be, she's been sickly of late. So, I do most of the chores so she does not strain too much. Also, I help take care of my little cousin Zayn who is now seven. His mom had to leave him behind because she got a job in a place where the conditions are harsh. She could never survive with a child.
One evening as I lay on the bed all worn out, to recharge, my father calls. He says he needs me to travel to Eldoret, the town he stays with his wife and two sons. He claims that their nanny left unannounced and they have no one to take care of their youngest. I was a little bit hesitant because I did not want to leave my grandparents in the state they were in, and most importantly, I was scared because I had never had a relationship with my father. My grandma later told me that it was ok to go,and that maybe my father would take me through college if I did so. It's the most insignificant choices that completely change the course of our lives.
On such a short notice, I prepared to travel. Instead of getting me bus fare, he resorts to a friend of his from our village, who happened to be driving to Eldoret on the same day, to give me a lift. Just how cheap is this man. Years later, word spreads that the friend who gave me a lift takes advantage of minors.
I get to Eldoret and my dad picks me from town and we head to the estate they reside, Venus. We get to the house and I'm first greeted by the same nanny claimed to have left unannounced. I didn't think much of it. At this time, my step mom, Mary is at work. The oldest son Tyler is at school and Keith, who is one year old at the time, is taking a nap. I had never left my village, Kapsengere, all my life except for highschool as I went to a boarding school. This new environment made me so uneasy, but I did a good job masking it.
Here I am, no clue on how to address this man, and I'm certainly not calling him "dad". He has never been that. So, I come up with a tactic; just start talking while looking at him so he knows he's the one being addressed. It was pretty effective.
A few days pass, grandma calls to check in on me. We talk for a while, she sounds exhausted and I feel guilty for leaving her alone, not in the technical sense. I let her know that the nanny is around, and she tells me to ask my father if I could go back home. When I ask, he is quiet for a while. But there is this scheming look on his face. He the calls grandma and tells her that he wants to enroll me for a short course in computer packages as I await college placement. Grandma would never say no to studying, so she lets it go.
It has been two months. No sign of the short course yet. Father takes me on short walks whenever he is not at work. Says I need to familliarize with the place. I do not mind the walks, maybe it is his way of showing affection, I mean, I barely know the man aside from the fact that he used to beat me up as a kid, before he moved to Eldoret. We have nothing to talk about, so we just walk side by side in awkward silence.
We land on this spot with a beautiful view. There's stones on a raised platform, green allover, and there's a stream down below. We sit on one of the massive stones that's under a tree, with the perfect shade on that hot afternoon. We just sat there looking across the place. After a little while, he asks if I am tired, to which I respond, no. He persists, " If you are tired, you can lay your head on my lap." I insist that I'm okay. He is convinced that I'm just being shy. Pulls me slowly but firmly, head onto his lap. I feel weird, but this voice in my head tells me that he's trying to make amends.
He looks down, straight into my face and asks if I'm thirsty, because apparently my lips were all dried up. Of course I say I'm okay. "Let me fix that for you." he said. Naive me wondered for a split second if the man just carried around lip gloss or something. Before I could finish that thought,he leaned in and licked my lower lip. Oh my God! Eww!! Then took his index finger and smeared his icky saliva onto my upper lip. Looking into my eyes, he smiled and said, " You are okay now." I am no expert on father-daughter relationship, but I do not think this is it. I sit up, then ask if we could start walking back home. He agrees and we head back.
