Hoot

Night fell upon Ohio. The last rays of dusk clung to the purple sky that balmy day in May, oranges and reds bleeding into and through the clouds, gathering, their rumbling stealing the crickets’, warming up their tune. A bolt flashed across the university, landing further north and blasting apart an old buckeye at the edge of a tiny town. It sent green seeds flying, clanking against the side of an adjacent apartment complex. The lights flashed, the call on the computer distorted even more. Its owner, John, waited for it to clear. He squirmed in his chair, sitting in the kitchen at the small kitchen nook. His smile faltered with each frame lost, but kept strong.

It fixed, his mom and dad no longer mosaics.

“Seems like one helluva storm is coming in,” his dad said. “Looks like you got there just in time.”

“Yup. Looks like the weather man spinned the wheel right,” John said, and sighed. “I’m sorry I left early, but, if it is really as bad as they say it is-”

“We know, dear,” his mom said. “Besides, you’ll be back in Arksansas before you know it.”

“Maybe. I might have to stay the summer for practice. Going to be their star quarterback finally now that Mendez is graduating.”

“I heard he got scouted,” his brother, Bret, said, pushing his way between their mom and dad. His blond hair was always a shade darker than John’s. Volumes greasier, hanging like dipsticks before his blue eyes. “Got taken by the Steelers.”

John scoffed and told him, “You are so full of it. He’d be lucky to get attention from the Browns. They already got Durst so why would they need him?”

He groaned as he heard his voice echo back, distorted by the newest rumble borne from the gathering darkness. The wind whistled by the window, tearing at the light blue drapes. The blinds were pulled up, showing the backyard. It was little more than a green post stamp with a grill against the back, concrete wall. There were two picnic tables, assorted chairs, and a tree. That old oak was too stubborn to give up its old ways, creaking against the storm.

The wind settled. The bars on the windows display went from red to yellow, cuing him to smile again. His brown eyes, however, could no longer keep it, their bags so heavy. He said, “Okay. I hate to but I’ve got to call it. Love you.”

“Love you, too,” his mom said, and blew a kiss before he ended it, shutting his laptop at last. He clapped his hands, echoing a touch before stolen by another rumble. A door creaked open; feet shuffled out of it. John stood and couldn’t hold back his smirk as he lumbered to living room, closing in upon the scuttling footsteps closed in, rising with the song sung by his hunter. It reached its climax; she jumped up. Meanwhile, John ducked behind the couch, fighting back his chuckle as she voiced her confusion. He sneaked around the couch, keeping away from its bright red leather, squeezing between the coffee table and the TV stand. Where she was.

“Gotcha!” He said, making her scream, turned to cackling. Suzie struggled in his arms, her pink hair tickling at his nose, pulled back into a single pom-pom. The dye had worn from the roots, revealing her natural, brown color. Her bright, blue, star eyes gleamed, shining with the newest bolt outside.

“No, you,” she exclaimed, turning around in his arms and pushing him down on the couch. The coffee table slid enough for his back to reach, and he spread his legs for her to pounced upon him. She giggled, squealed as the hunter became the hunted, trapped by arms and legs and lips, kissing her.

Suzie pulled up, smiling down at him, her pale skin contrasting with her chocolate laces, giving some depth to her chest. Her cheeks burned in the dusk, glowing brighter as his hands crept ever lower down her back, shuddering as they rubbed her rump, wriggling, leaning into his tanned hands.

“So how are they,” she asked, singing it.

“Good. Bit upset I left early, but good.”

“Sounds about right. My parents were the same, but now we have a day and a half to ourselves.”

“Yup.” He stole a kiss, both of them giggling- He guffawed as she yipped then moaned, hidden under the sharp smack of his palm on her bum. She gave him a haughty look, nibbling her lip. John hummed, rubbing that brightening cheek as he continued. “I think Bret knew. Can’t think of any other reason he would bring up the Steelers.”

“Ah, well. It’s our one-year anniversary. Surely he understands-”

She squeaked, moaned again as he gave her rump another tamp.

“Yup,” he said. “So let’s get to celebrating.”

“I was waiting on you, baka.”

Suzie giggled again, then devoured his lips, his face soon to follow. Their moans mingling, carrying each other into the bedroom. Thunder crashed against the apartment, echoed within the bed, creaking away, slamming against the wall again and again until all ended in one, long quake. John rolled off her, coated in sweat and panting, spent but still had enough energy to shake his head as she pushed under his arm. Her starry eyes were gone, left in the case on the nightstand, her green eyes allowed their brilliance, sparkling at him, flaring as she said, “That was okay. For round one.” She nipped his chest, giggling... but yawned. “Damn you, jet lag! I’m not r... rea...”

He kissed her, stealing her yawn into his own as he chuckled, as well, and stretched his arms, popping. “I’m getting too old for this, Suze.”

“That’s what you get for robbing the cradle!” She sung it, poking his nose. “What were you thinking, dating a nineteen-year old, being twenty-three and all? You’re almost at your quarter-life crisis. Shouldn’t you be, like, chasing cougars or something?”

“Nah. If I wanted that, I would be dating my ex.”

“That’s an insult to cougars everywhere.”

“I know. I’m so bad.”

“Naughty Johnny. No nookie for y- oh... I see what you were trying to do. Clever boy.”

He rolled his eyes, but accepted her kiss all the same. She climbed over him, feeling her breasts as she did. Their light pink tips were still perky, aching against his fingers, but she pushed him away, skipping to the bathroom, leaving him to stretch out.

She came out, drummed on his chest, and told him, “I’m going to check my email real quick, then how about you make us some sandwhiches?”

“This late?”

“Hey. It’s your fault. Take responsibility. After all, one does not simply fuck and then not be hungry.”

He rolled his eyes, shook his head, but stood, thrwing on his boxers and returned to the kitchen. Suzie was in the nook, “perched” on the chair, only in her thong. She leered at her laptop, mumbling as she scrolled with her middle finger on the touch pad.

“Dammit,” she muttered. John asked what was the matter. “Inez sent out a packet. It’s due Tuesday. Going to take me all tomorrow.”

“That’s rough, buddy.” He rubbed her shoulder and sat beside, placing a turkey and cheddar before her, garnished with mayo and topped with romaine lettuce and tomato. “Here you go.”

She scoffed, giving him a dirty look. “You know I like provolone.”

“Hey! You said to make sandwiches. If you don’t want it, you can give it back.”

She hugged it against her, turning aside and blocking him from taking it. “Nuh! Mine!” She stuck out her tongue, then eased off the chair and scurried back to the room, leaving him to simply chuckle and make his, almost matching save for a touch of pickle relish... and a paper towel.

Lightning flashed again, shook his footsteps as he sat at the table again, looking at the door, smiling as snoring reverberated in no time.

“A job well done.” He bit into his morsel at last. It was the only thing he had to eat since leaving Arkansas, and he savored the cold-cuts, the crisp greens, and the juicy red flesh, pattering away into the napkin. He tore off a strip and wiped his hand and mouth, looking down on her computer. It was still on, and on her email.

A new email arrived.

OMG THIS TRICK IS SO UNBELIEVABLE! MUST TRY TO BELIEVE

He cocked his head, blinked a few times, and checked the time. 2:38.

“Who would be up at this time?” He clicked it. The message came from a legitimate email address, one so familiar and yet... He shook his head, reading it.

LIKE, OMG! TIHS GOT 2 B TEH BIGGEST, NEWEST THING YET. OKAY, SO IF YOU OPEN UR WINDOW AT EXACTLY 1 3/4 INCHES (U CANNOT YOU METRIC) FACE UR COMPUTER 2 IT AND PUT ON DANK MEMES WHILE OPENING A BOTTLE OF MOUNTAIN DEW AT 3 AM EXACTLY WHILE ALSO CHANTING “Nothing personnel, kid” THREE TIMES. IF U DID IT RIGHT U WILL B GREETED WITH TEH SPIRIT OF GREAT FORTUNE WHOMST WILL GRANT YOU A LIFETIME OF HAPPINESS. I DID IT AND I COULDN’T B HAPPIER. LIKE, OMG, IT SOUNDS SO STUPID, BUT IT REALLY WORKED.

MAKE SURE TO PASS IT ON SO EVERYBODY CAN HAVE A LIFETIME OF HAPPINESS. IT REALLY WORKS.

John tried. He really, truly tried, but his chest couldn’t hold back the bubbling, frothing giggles any more. The thunder muffled most of it, joining in rumbling the apartment. He wiped his eye, shook his head, then reread it just in case it was a mistake- No. The whole thing WAS a mistake. Like... really? Who would believe it? Who made it, anyways? The email was so familiar, but he couldn’t recall, made worse as his head was taken by those giggles.

He huffed, then said, “This might be absolute bullshit… but...” He stood, eyeing the window. “Suze will get a kick out of it... Maybe I should do a test run. At least to get my reaction right for her.”

He rolled his eyes again, and checked the time. 2:45. That left him fifteen to measure the window, get it open just right, to set up “mee-mees”.

“I will never understand the appeal of these,” he grumbled out, watching the little poptart cat crap rainbows. Airhorns and weed leaves and some rapper flashed around it. That only left the Mountain Dew; Suzie always kept a twelve pack in the kitchen. Cans. He returned to the desk with one, tapping its top, seeing only one minute was left, and checked over the instructions again. “A bottle... Fuck it. It’s all bullshit, anyways. What difference if it’s a can or bottle.”

The time blinked over to 3:00. He cracked the can open, chanting in a drone. When he finished the third, he took a drink.

Lightning cracked against the window.

The apartment flickered thrice before it faded to black. Rain and wind shrieked outside. The computer screen flickered, the video, the memes on it shifted, “bleeding” out before the power returned. The laptop, however, turned off, leaving him to hammer the power button, sighing, relieved as it did come back on.

“Well, that was a close one.” He shook his head, watching the logo fade from the start-up. “Then again, it would have been her own fault. She was the one to leave it o-”

He blinked, and looked behind, back at the window before looking back at the screen. He waved his hand over it, matching perfectly in the black mirror, gone again as Windows stated it was starting. Those balls spun, matching the buzzing in his mind until it was too much to bear. He lumbered over to the window, each step creaking, echoing in the apartment.

“It was probably nothing... Should have just gone to bed. This was so fucking retarded.” His voice coaxed each step, heart racing as he reached the sill. Rain beat against it, against the backyard, clanging off the grill. He eased aside the pale blue silk properly, lowering to the opening. The glass was too washed out to see-

He reeled as a rat ran along the sill. He cursed and slammed the window shut, rubbing his arms as he watched that dark tuft scurry off. Lightning flashed through the apartment again, against the glass, illuminating it enough for him to see the backyard.

And something... white standing “under” the tree. It was almost as tall as it, with its head scraping against the highest branches. The lightning, that bolt still held within two, magnanimous orbs, glowing. Locked on him- John blinked, and it was gone.

Thunder shook him from his stillness, and he shrugged, breathing deep before he turned around and headed for bed. Suzie groaned as the door creaked, “meowing”, pawing at him as he slipped into her embrace once more, nuzzling his neck. He slowly drifted to sleep, blink after blink. It took longer for him to open his eyes the last time.

Finding that thing was looming over him.

His heart raced, seeing himself in them, pale yet still so dark against those white feathers. Its beak was parted, drooling on him as it inhaled. Slowly. Then it spoke.

“Hoot.”

Morning came. The storm had moved on overnight. Suzie’s alarm blared on her phone. She rolled over to turn it off then sat up, stretched, groaning and blinking open her eyes.

Clearing fast for the bloodbath she was seeped in. The walls were splattered with what remained of John, shaken loose from her scream.