"You learn quick about someone"
"No one really prepares you for the end.
The heartbreak and the gut-wrenching reality check of now acknowledging that this point forward into your life nothing will ever be the same."
The man looked around from his seated position within the small support group he has found some sort of refuge. His words mixed in with different emotions unaware of what truly to express.
His pause gave the company a more of a sentimental view upon him than normal. As for the longest time since he started to show up-he only would sit in silence and look on.
Just as they are doing right now.
The only person though that did speak responded upon the group's behalf.
"No one ever does Jonah. No one losing someone you love so soon really puts things into a harsher perspective of life and death. Especially when it involves a death of a parent."
"Yeah, that's true Doc. But I have to admit something now I haven't publicly admitted."
"And what is that, Jonah?"
"Well, I don't miss my mom..."
The group slowly broke out in a controlled whispered outrage amongst themselves as, there spokesperson engaged further curious.
"Jonah please elaborate for us. Me specifically cause this group is for "grieving adults that lost their parents early" why is it you're feeling like this?"
"Well, I don't know it's hard to explain you know..."
"Well try we won't judge you. Promise."
The doctor's kind words seemed to split the group surrounding the man sharing. As certain whispers didn't feel as comforting as others.
Jonah simply crossed arms in his seat while he readjusted his seat before he unloaded the tenure of the backstory of this feeling.
"You know i was a good son to her. Not the best but a good one. I never really talked back i went to bed on time and, for the most part ate my veggies. That of course until our family dog would swoop in for the save for me when she wasn't looking. But I don't know officially when but, sometimes I came to a conclusion.
A conclusion of which she never really loved me you know? -now I mean she was there when I was a baby. Did the whole rocking to sleep bit fought all of my monsters away more than our dad but, again I don't think she loved me at all."
"Ok..elaborate Jonah. Explain it to us into how you think she "never loved you."
Jonah looked down and to his sneakers and then back up to the large ceiling above them before he finally went back into unpacking his indecision's.
"Well as I said I was a "good son" to her. A lot better than my other two siblings. Brothers you know. One is the oldest and the other is the youngest leaving yours truly smack dab in the middle but eh. Yes're those two for the greatest amount of her life had dragged her through some of the worst shit impossible while I would play my quiet game on the side. Been like that since I was a grasshopper. Started right after her coddling stage with me-it kind of made me too noticeable I think..."
"Noticeable?"
"Yeah, Doc very like fresh blood dropped into a hungry shark tank. For that alone my quiet game had always led me to some trouble when, all I ever have done was to enjoy things by myself. Find joy and comfort in a pen and pad and a game system. My imagination was totally endless I just couldn't put a reason to it but, perhaps I get it now. For you see when I finally spoke, I was her ultimate enemy."
"Enemy? For when? -when you stopped playing the "quiet game?"
"Yes. Especially when my siblings would walk all over her too much. My mom never really had a backbone. Until..."
Jonah started to drift off in a thought. A more of a flashback to the scariest moment he had with his mother when he was younger.
(A fierce clip show flashed in his head of all the verbal abuse and physical abuse he took from her and the pain she had caused)
He blinked again to snap out of it. Looking out to the crowd awaiting upon his next set of words and the intense feeling they would give to an already "relate-albe" moment.
He smirked as he then added this final and lengthy content to allow his turn to expire.
"You learn quick about someone. Even though it's your mom or dad or whatever that even though you become a "good son" and stay in line. Say your prayers and eat your vitamins you will still be at the bottom of the list. The bottom destined for the worst that is to come, and you will just have to get used to it. You literally become a black hole for a person's sins. Absorbing everything in... in....and in... till the point happens when there just gone...then nothing."
The doc and the crowd felt the pain behind his words... the good doctor looked around for a moment before, he had to go on with someone else's share.
Time slipped quicker that way. As Jonah didn't really receive a reassurance back nor an appreciative clap a few people had given out when, someone shared. He felt beyond insecure of finally "cracking" through the protective crust.
He adjusted again in his personal seat praying for the clock to release him quicker to the outside world. He could have had the distinct pleasure of causing a scene and get up and storm out of that gymnasium doors.
He didn't though as he was strapped in his seat by an invisible seatbelt named "Stow."
