Chapter 1
Date: January 29th, 2020
Time: 05:26 P.M
Place: Willow Street, Seattle.
Currently, I’m staring at the sky while taking sips from a mildly cold Boba cup. I’m thinking about what I did wrong in my relationship with Beth. Seriously, what went wrong? There are a lot of people walking in the streets right in front of this outdoor café table where I’m currently sitting. There are people of different races, nationalities, cultures & personalities in front of me. Mostly everyone is with somebody.
They’re either laughing, crying, arguing, or just spending the time of their lives with their companions. Some are lovers, some are family & some are just friends. Among all of them, I notice a pair consisting of a little girl and a woman who’s most probably her mother. After I divert my attention towards the pair, I see the Kid pulling on her mother’s skirt while crying with something in her arms. The kid kept tugging & pulling her mother’s skirt for quite a while. I think the woman had enough of the kid being a nuisance. Because she then raised her hands & slapped the kid on her tiny, puffy, & reddish cheeks. The kid then started to cry even louder than before. After that, the woman picks the kid up and holds her to her chest lightly, and apologizes to her daughter. After a few minutes, the kid stopped crying and hugged her mother with her tiny pair of arms. The mother then spoke in a softer tone than before, "Sweetheart you have to understand that we can’t keep it, we already have a pet. So, let’s leave it here, okay?
We have to go back now so say goodbye to it quickly". The little girl then lifted her head from her mother’s chest and murmured goodbye in a really dry & sad voice. A couple of minutes later I see the mother put down the little girl back to the ground, on her own feet. Then the little girl bends over and pats a White cat before holding her mom’s hand and walking away like nothing happened, now with her eyes sparkling while looking at a toy shop ahead. The pair kept walking away until I couldn’t see them anymore.
After the pair had left, I pulled my mind back onto the Boba cup in my hands. I just seem to go back to the same thing whenever I start to think nowadays. It’s always the same repetitive question swirling around in my head. It’s always
"What did I do wrong?" I can’t seem to stop blaming myself for what happened between Beth & I. My head starts to throb hurtfully because of thinking about the past. So, I stand up and throw the empty Boba cup in the bin while thinking about the irony of fate with me drinking Boba. Whereas once I used to hate Boba. But now I seem to drink it more often than coffee. It’s all because of Beth’s habits. In the end, it all comes down to Beth. I stopped smoking when Beth & I started dating because of Beth’s severe Asthma problems. But now there’s nothing stopping me from smoking, is there? I know it’s not a habit worth acquiring but, it wouldn’t hurt for me to try & become a little more like the me from before Beth & I met. So, with this new goal in mind, I ended up walking across the street to the 7/11 to buy myself a pack of Marlboros and a white lighter with a little lavender petal lasered on the side of it.
They seem to have changed the packaging of the Marlboros since the last time I smoked. I think it was around 5 years ago that I last smoked. I lighten up a cigarette and take the first puff of smoke for the first time in five years. Right as I inhaled the smoke I coughed vigorously as my chest constricted and a coughing fit wracked my body, even though the acrid smoke burning my throat and lungs hurt, it felt good. I truly have lost the ability to smoke, haven’t I? Oh Beth, what have you done to me? Why did you have to leave? These are the questions I asked Beth in my mind. While I was staring into the null, empty void, I suddenly heard a fragile cry—muffled by the city noise, yet as insistent as it could be. I looked down to see the little white cat which was in the crying girl’s hand from a while back.
Seeing the cat, I bent down and caressed the cat gently. It seemed to be scared of me at first but then it started to like it. Looking at the cat reminded me of myself. Sad, Pathetic, Lonely, and a social freak. These were the qualities I’d possess and this cat seemed to have the same qualities. Back when I was in High School my Chemistry teacher told me that only opposites are meant to be attracted. Everything else will just drift apart after a while. The teacher was a funny guy. He seemed more like a big brother to us students than a regular old chemistry teacher. I think he was right about that. I mean just look at me and Beth for an example. We were both so alike. We were both introverted, had no friends, and hated social gatherings. We thought that we’d be together forever but just take a look at us now. We’re broken into pieces with no chance of ever getting back together. I sighed while thinking about all of that. I just got to stop spacing out like this in the streets. The results can be deadly if I keep on doing this. I don’t know why but I decided to take the cat with me. I asked the cat if he wanted to tag along with me. Knowing really well that he wouldn’t understand a single word I’d say. He just meowed in answer to the question in a very willful way which made my lips curls into a somber smile. Briefly, I caught myself thinking that, despite the difference, this cat might be the closest thing I’d find to a friend, which made a somber smile settle over my lips. Then something weird happened. Rain started falling on Willow Street, like the sky had finally decided to join the silence. I mean the rain isn't the problem here but, the fact that it’s the end of January made it kinda strange to me.
Even so, I didn’t think much of it. I picked up the cat with my arms and held him inside my jacket and started walking to my apartment back in Upstate Seattle. While walking back I pulled out my phone, put in my earbuds, and hit play on Watery Brain by Valley on Spotify. The floating melody carried me, weightless and restless, like Beth had whispered it into my mind. Rob’s vocals cut through my mind space, raw and aching, while Karah’s soft whispers hovered around them, like echoes of a memory I couldn’t place, just like they always did. I kept walking along the sides of the road. Luckily, there were plenty of shop signs along the sides, keeping the rain off the sidewalks. So, I didn’t get drenched in the rain. That saved me honestly. I get insanely feverish after getting drenched in rain. So, there I was walking home with my newly found acquaintance.
The strong winds of the storm brewing kept gushing against me. It started to feel chilly. Which wasn't that bad since I was wearing a cardigan on top.
While I was walking back the streets seemed to go on forever.
“I keep my head underwater, but I still breathe.”
“Fading like a memory I can’t hold.”
Valley – Watery Brain
