The Dubliners

Alfie is lying on a couch, talking to his therapist, Dr Frankenston

Alfie: I think I'm in love with her

Dr. Frankenston: With whom exactly?

Alfie: You know who!

Dr. Frankenston: No, I don't, actually. Those were the first words you said after, "Hello, Dr Frankenbob."

Alfie: Brea! She's one of my best friends!

Dr. Frankenston: Do you spend much time with this, "Brea."

Alfie: We don't hang out much alone, but our group of friends are always hanging out at the pub together every night.

Dr Frankenson: Do you think Brea feels the same way?

Alfie: I have no idea. I have had feelings for her ever since I met her 3 years ago. I just recently realised that I love her. A lot!

Dr. Frankenston: Have you considered asking her on a date?

Alfie: What kind of advice is that?

Dr. Frankenston: Well, if you don't ask her out, she could end up with someone else, and the potential of a relationship will be lost. It will be much better to take the risk and ask her out than to live every day knowing you could have been with her, but never tried.

Alfie: You know what? I just realized something.

Dr. Frankenston: What is that, Alfie?

Alfie: I need to get a new therapist.

Alfie leaves Dr. Frankenston's office and, runs through the streets of Dublin. He eventually reaches the local pub that all of his friends hang out in. He sees Brea approach the pub as well.

Brea: Hey Alfie!

Alfie: Hey! Brea! Oh my god! What's up? What have you been doing?

Brea: I've been good. I've been spending most of the day working on my new book.

Brea and Alfie both walk onto the pub. They both wander over to meet the group at their usual booth.

Alfie: You've been writing another book? That's amazing, Brea. What's it about?

Basil: Hey, who's ready for my big birthday party?

Alfie: Hush!

Brea: It's about a struggling actress with a rough childhood who moves to Dublin in search of a job and is also struggling to find love.

Alfie: So, your main character is you?

Brea: Pretty much!

Alfie: I think that's the best decision you could have made!

Brea: Yeah, it's my way of expressing my feelings and thoughts in a more creative manner.

Alexis: I've read your book. It's like a thousand pages.

Brea: So far!

Alfie: Well, I'll buy 10 copies.

Nano: Fuckin' Simp.

Brea: Thank you, Alfie. That means a lot to me. How about I drop by later with a copy of what I wrote so far! I would love to get a second opinion!

Alfie: And I would love to be the opinion that is seconded!

A new round of drinks arrives and is delivered to everyone's table.

Nano: Cheers, lads.

Everyone clashes their drinks together and continue to chat.

Basil: So, can we finally talk about my big birthday party? 26! That's a big deal!

Brea: Is it going to be big?

Basil: The biggest one I've thrown Yet. Invite everybody you know. My mam is out of town, so I get the whole house to myself!

Alexis: We don't even have to mock you. You do it yourself.

Daisy: Are there going to be drinks?

Basil: Plenty of it.

Daisy: I'm there.

Alexis: Are there going to be any other embarrassingly unsuccessful buissnessmen at the party?

Basil: Why? Are you into those?

Alexis: No, because I'm not into those!

Basil: I don't get it! We are just playing things slow! What's wrong with having that kind of man in your life?

Alfie: Yeah, there's nothing wrong with having a smart, sexy woman in your life who also writes books.

Brea: Is there someone special in your life, Alfie?

Alfie: No, no, I wish. No one at this table, anyway!

Brea: You'll find someone one day!

Daisy perks up when Brea says this, knowing exactly what to say next

Daisy: Here's a theory to keep you on your toes! What if he doesn't?

Brea: Well, you don't need a woman to be happy or complete.

Alfie: That's true. I'm very fortunate to have the friends I do to hang out with.

Nano speaks up, trying to hint Alfie to something.

Nano: I agree, but doesn't it get harder and harder to watch your friends become happier and enter relationships while you're still alone.

Alfie: ...yeah.

Basil: And Sex is fun

Alfie: ...yeah.

Brea: I'm going to set you up with someone right now.

Alfie: No, that's not necessary.

Brea: Oh, come on.

Brea pulls Alfie out of his seat and over to the bar.

Brea: Hey, what's your name?

An attractive blonde turns around to face Alfie and Brea.

Jessica: I'm Jessica.

Brea: His name is...

Brea pauses.

Alfie: Am I supposed to say my name?

Brea: He's Alfie!

Jessica: Nice to meet you, Alfie.

Jessica gives Alfie a flirtatious look.

Back at the group's table out of earshot of Brea and Alfie...

Alexis: I can't believe Brea is setting Alfie up with someone! That's my thing!

Nano: I really wish Alfie would just tell her how he feels!

Alexis: That eejit's been dancing around these feelings for 3 years now!

Basil: We've also had this conversation multiple times a week for the past three years now.

Daisy: Yeah. Remember when we got them to play seven minutes in heaven?

Nano: Yeah... Alfie took it a bit too literally and just listed off things he wanted in heaven.

Alexis: Are you guys doing anything tonight?

Daisy: I have too many chores. Jerry doesn't bother to help out with.

Nano: Why haven't you left him yet, Daisy?

Daisy: You don't understand. Jerry is the first man I ever loved, and I can't just abandon the relationship after being with him for all these years.

Daisy starts to tear up.

Alexis: Those are fake tears, aren't they?

Daisy: Yeah, I just don't want to deal with the paperwork

Basil: I have a hookup, so I'll be in Pound Town.

Nano: Yeah, right next to Pathetic Avenue! Stop trying to convince us you have a life.

Alexis: You free, Nano?

Nano: No, I'm busy playing video games.

Alexis: How can you use the words, "Video games" and, "Busy," in the same sentence?

Nano: Hey! Dont knock 'em till you've tried 'em. I've nearly beat...

Alexis: It was a hypothetical question! What about you, Dasiy? After you do your chores, I mean.

Dasiy: I've been running low on money recently, so I might just wander through streets later busking.

Namo: Oh, yeah! You play the flute.

Basil: That's a horrible instrument! At least pick one that sounds good!

Alfie and Brea walk back over to the booth.

Brea: There we go, Alfie! You got that girl's number! Was it really that hard?

Alfie: Yes! It was the most stressful moment of my life. I'm lucky I didn't have a stroke!

Nano: The girl is going to love him!

Later, Alfie enters the apartment. Nano is eating some take-out food while watching a movie on the couch

Alfie: Honey, I'm home!

Nano: For the last time, stop calling me honey!

Alfie (laughing): Sorry, it's just an expression.

Nano: It's really not!

Alfie: I wanted to talk to you about something.

Nano: Make it quick, I'm trying to watch this film.

Alfie: Brea set me up with someone in the pub today. What do you think that means?

Nano: It means that Brea thought you've been alone for far too long and is too oblivious to notice you staring at her!

Alfie: It's not my fault she has nice ears! But if she liked me, then she wouldn't do this, right?

Nano: Do you think Brea has romantic feelings for you?

Alfie: I have always assumed that she doesn't, but who knows?

Nano: There's only one way to find out if she does.

Alfie: And what's that?

Nano: Ask her out.

Alfie: No! Not this again!

Nano: Come on, Alfie! It won't be so bad. Just give it a shot.

Alfie: But what about our friendship. If she says no, it could be ruined.

Nano: You're not even that close.

Alfie: We shared a cookie from Subway 2 weeks ago! That's friendship right there!

Nano: Just do it, please!

Alfie: No! I'm putting my foot down! Wait, no! I'm putting them both down!

Brea is sitting on the couch in her apartment, looking at her phone. Alexis sneaks up on her from behind.

Alexis: What are you doing?

Brea (jumping to her feet): Aaaagh! What are you doing?

Alexis: Why are you looking at your ex-boyfriend's Instagram!

Brea: It's none of your business what I'm doing!

Alexis: I'm your best friend and roommate! Of course it is!

Brea: It's completely normal to look at your ex's Instagram!

Alexis: Well, you shouldn't! It's weird. How long have you been doing this?

Brea: I... like... just... every day since I broke up with him.

Alexis: That was a year ago! How slowly do you heal?

Brea: Shut up! I didn't even know you were home. If I did, I wouldn't have looked at it here and instead my room.

Alexis: Forget about him. He broke up with you, and he was pretty sure of it.

Brea: He was the love of my life. I honestly thought that we would live the rest of our lives together.

Alexis: I hated him.

Brea: Yeah, I know. You told me that multiple times in our relationship.

Alexis: Basil's party is coming up soon. Maybe it's time you get back out there.

Brea: It's too soon. And I like to stumble upon my lovers. That's how I met... him.

Alexis: And look how well that turned out.

Brea: Yeah, you have a point.

Alexis: Just keep an open mind. Please, Brea.

Brea: I'll try.

Meanwhile, at Daisy's apartment, he opens the door to see his landlord, Mr Bintshrew.

Dasiy: Oh, hey, Mr Bintshrew.

Mr Bintshrew: Dasiy, we need to have a serious talk.

Daisy: Yeah, sure. Go ahead.

Mr Bintshrew: You haven't paid for last months rent.

Daisy: I've just been a little low on money lately, but if you give me some more time, I promise I'll get something!

Mr. Bintshrew: You better. I'm running a buissness here.

Daisy: Yeah, but you have children, right.

Mr Bintshrew: No.

Daisy: Oh... go on.

Mr Bintshrew: I can't just be bending the rules for you of all people, now can I?

Dasiy: I don't know, can you?

Mr Bintshrew: No! I obviously cannot! Get the dam money!

Dasiy: Yes, sir.

Back at Alfie and Nano's Apartment...

Nano: Hey, you reading Brea's book?

Alfie: Yep.

Nano: Is it any good.

Alfie: Well... it is something! That's a compliment, right? I mean, some things are just nothing, but this... this is something!

Nano: It's awful, isn't it?

Alfie: Horrible. She even writes a bit about me in the book. Look!

Nano: "And then I met this red-headed guy named Alfie. He was always so nice to me, except for when he wasn't. The way he walked, talked, and carried himself always stood out to me. He was a beaming light of sunshine when I needed it the most. I can't wait to get to know him even more."

Alfie: Pretty cool, right?

Nano: Alfie, I would like to ask you a two part question.

Alfie: Fire away!

Nano: A, can you please clean the bathroom? It's your turn. B, are you fucking stupid?

Alfie: What do you mean?

Alfie pauses for a couple of seconds.

Alfie: No, it's your turn to clean the bathroom!

Nano: Let's circle back to that later! Brea obviously has feelings for you! How can you not see that while reading!

Alfie: Well, she never actually says that she has feelings for me in the book, so maybe that's why!

Nano: Come on, Alfie! You want this, so why don't you go for it?

Alfie: Nano, it's been 6 years since I've been in a relationship. It's just not that simple. I got hurt last time. I don't know if I'm ready to be in a relationship yet.

Nano: 6 years is a long time. If your scars still haven't healed by now, then they might never heal. That is, unless you do something about it.

Alfie: Fine! I will casually ask her out to see a movie while at the party.

Nano: Really? You? Being casual?

Alfie: Let me do this my way. What were you watching anyway.

Nano: Anime.

Alfie: Ana, who?

Nano: I'm just going to go to bed. I would rather it than explain anime to you again for the 87th time!

Back at the Pub, Basil Is Sitting At His Laptop with a list of guests coming to the party.

Basil: We haven't even hit triple figures yet! I thought we were better than this!

Dasiy: Guys! Focus! I need some money by tomorrow night, or I'll get evicted.

Alexis: It'll be OK. You can stay with me if needed.

Brea: What about your roommate? I don't see you consulting her.

Alexis: Well, my roommate didn't pay rent past month, so she doesn't get a say.

Brea: Your roommate is still sorry about that! She just really wanted that dress!

Basil: Oh no! Someone dropped out!

Dasiy: I'm just gonna go.

Basil: Thank god! We got someone else to replace them!

Daisy walks towards the door and sees Nano.

Dasiy: Hey, Nano!

Nano: Good news, Daisy, I have a gig for you. The company that I work for is having a party, and they need some music... and haven't heard of Spotify or Bluetooth speakers or good music.

Daisy: Seriously? That's amazing. I don't usually play in front of large crowds like that, but alright! Where and when is it?

Nano: It's next Tuesday at 8 in... do you really not know where I work?

Daisy: Yes, yes, obviously I know where you work. It was just a test.

That evening, at Basil's house, all the boys come over to help move stuff around. Basil brings them down to the basement.

Basil: Hey guys, thanks for coming to help me set up.

Nano: No problem, Basil.

Alfie: Where's Brea? I'm dying to see her new earrings!

Basil: Oh, it's just us boys tonight, weirdo.

Alfie: Dam! Wait, does the boys include Daisy? She's pretty masculine.

Nano: She texted me. She's on the way.

Basil: So we need to pick up my big WW1 Recreation and move it upstairs.

Nano: Why do you have a recreation of a WW 1 battlefield in your house?

Basil: Why don't you have a recreation of a WW1 battlefield in your house?

Nano: Because I'm normal?

Basil: I like sending little people to war, OK! It makes me feel like I'm in control.

Alfie: Do you give them voices?

Basil: What? No!

Alfie: Then, I don't see how you're in control. Solders talk, you know.

Basil: Well, these don't!

Alfie: Are they feckin' mute or something?

Basil: Sure! Let's go with that explanation!

Nano: So, what exactly are we doing with this thing?

Basil: I'm moving it upstairs.

Nano: Well, that explains why Daisy is coming. She could lift a car if she wanted to.

Basil: I want people to be able to come down to the basement to see how expansive my house is.

Nano: I don't think most people are interested in seeing how "expansive" your house is, Basil.

Basil: OK, on 3. 1, 2, 3!

It takes all the boys' combined efforts to lift the table

Alfie: This is heavier than I thought.

They eventually manage to lift it up the stairs to the room above

Dasiy: Hey guys, I'm here now

Nano: You ready for that gig?

Dasiy: Yeah, about that... They're moving it to tonight.

Alfie: Are we doing anything tonight?

Basil: Yeah, burying the body.

Nano: The party's tonight!

Daisy: I know! I would love to come, but I need the money.

Alfie: He could always cancel on the party.

Basil: OK, I'll just tell all 80 something people I invited to not go just because it doesn't suit one person.

Daisy: 80? Are you sure that you can fit that many people in your house?

Basil: Yes! Everyone that we know is coming!

Nano: Everyone?

Basil: Well, I've emailed you all a PDF of those who aren't.

Alfie: Yeah, I've read that, and it includes like a hundred people.

Daisy: I'm just gonna go. Can someone drive me home.

Nano: If you need a lift, then how did you get here?

Daisy: I walked here, and there's no way in hell that I'm walking back.

Alfie: I'll drive you home.

Nano (To Alfie): Because you don't want to do any work?

Alfie: Shut up.

Before Alfie and Daisy can leave, Bazoodinhoot's mother enters the room.

Mrs Bazoodinhoot: Hello, boys! What are you all up to!

Basil: Nothing!

Alfie: What? I thought we were...

Basil covers Alfie's mouth with his hand.

Basil: Yes, I agree, Alfie! Good point!

Nano: How are you doing, Mrs Bazoodinhoot?

Mrs Bazoodinhoot: I'm good, thank you very much! I've started water aerobics, and it is a blast! Last week, we...

Basil: Mam, isn't there some sort of meat that you're cooking upstairs?

Mrs Bazoodinhoot: Uh.. yeah, it's lamb.

Basil: Well, have fun!

Mrs Bazoodinhoot leaves with a puzzled look on her face.

Nano: You didn't tell your mother?

Basil: Of course I didn't tell my mother! That's one of the funnest parts!

Later, Brea and Alexis are getting ready to go to the party.

Alexis: Let's go! I'm in the mood to meet someone and make some mistakes tonight!

Brea: I don't really think I'm in the mood for that.

Alexis: Come on, Brea! I know your last breakup was rough, but you have to get back out there eventually!

Brea: Yeah, I know that, but no one's really caught my eye recently.

Alexis: That's kind of the point of me starting this conversation.

Brea: And I've been thinking... what if we all just get one?

Alexis: One what?

Brea: One person to spend our lives with. What if I already met mine, and I let them get away.

Alexis: First of all, there is definitely more than one person for everyone. Second, even if there was, you definitely haven't met them yet. Your fish is still out there. Now, let's go and look.

Brea: Fine. I guess you're right.

Alexis stands up and hands Brea a dress.

Alexis: Try on this dress!

Brea: Isn't this a bit too revealing for me to be wearing to a party?

Alexis: No, if anything, this covers up too much.

Later, once everyone has shown up at the party, Alfie and Nano walk up to Basil.

Alfie: Hi, Basil. Great party.

Basil: Yeah, whatever!

Nano: Are you seriously complaining about something?

Basil: I had a complete itinerary planned, but no one's interested.

Nano: Because it's a party!

Basil: I still don't see an excuse. Also, Daisy isn't even here! I couldn't even get the full group!

Brea and Alexis have arrived at the party and have started looking for guys.

Alexis: Let the hunt begin!

Brea: I dont like it when you refer to them like animals.

Alexis: I'm just being playful!

Brea taps Alexis on the shoulder.

Brea: Hey! I've found someone!

Brea points to a nerdy looking guy across the room.

Alexis: Him?

Brea: Don't say it like that! I happen to find nerdy guys sexy.

Alexis: ...him???

Brea: Oh, screw you! I'm talking to him!

Brea walks over to the guy.

Brea: Hi! Hoping to get a burger?

Guy: Yeah, but I'm just not sure if it's the right choice. This burger could end up shortening my life by 20 minutes. That's a big deal!

Brea: I say just eat it! I like...

Brea pauses as she's not sure what to say next

Brea: I like taking risks!

Guy: I want to be able to take risks, but my brain has to get in the way.

Brea: I suggest turning it off for tonight.

Guy: I wish it were that simple.

Brea: I'm Brea

Guy: Barry.

Meanwhile, Alfie and Nano are talking...

Nano: You said you were gonna go ask Brea out at the party. Look around!

Alfie: Look? Where? What am I looking for?

Nano: It's time!

Alfie: I said I was going to casually ask her out for the movies, not a date! Get that out of your head!

Nano: You can see where the night takes you, but I still want to see you making an effort.

Alfie nods in appreciation of Nano's reply

Alfie: Fine, I'll do it right now!

Nano: OK, then go ask her now! Hurry up, though! I don't want to be waiting around here all night! I'm also single, you know?

Nano is sitting with a look of impatience on his face as he waits for Alfie to go and talk to Brea

Alfie goes to find Brea but finds her making out with a guy

Alfie: (under his breath) Oh, damn.

Basil Sees Daisy playing music in the sitting room

Basil: Daisy! You made it

Dasiy stops playing her flute and looks towards Basil.

Daisy: Yeah, just about. I didn't know there were going to be so many people here.

Basil: I thought you had a gig

Daisy: Wasn't worth it. I knew I had to be here.

Basil: Well, here's €200 to cover your rent.

Daisy: Seriously?

Daisy looks confused and slightly surprised by Basil's gift.

Basil: Yeah, it's also money to get you to stop because you're horrible.

She grabs the money from Basil and counts it.

Daisy: This is €12.50.

Basil: Do you really expect me to carry around €200 cash with me all the time?

Daisy: You've never heard of a wallet?

Basil: I have a ridge wallet! They're not meant for cash!

Alfie walks back over to Nano.

Nano: So, did you ask out Brea?

Alfie: It doesn't matter.

Nano looks at Alfie with a confused look on his face

Nano: What happened?

Alfie: Why is it all about me recently? How are you doing, Nano?

Nano: I'm doing alright, thank you. So is that a no to asking out Brea then?

Alfie: You were right, I should've asked her out sooner. If I did, she might not be making out with someone else right now.

Nano: That sucks.

Alfie: It does.

Nano: Not for Brea, though. I'm sorry, buddy. This is my fault, I put way too much pressure on you tonight.

Alfie: No, no, no! You're right, but no!

Mrs Bazoodinhoot enters the house

Mrs Bazoodinhoot: Basil! What the hell have you done???

Basil runs out the back door while on the phone.

Basil: Hi, when's your next flight to London?

*Credits roll**