1 Shattered
I hadn't stopped smiling since I'd woken up. My cheeks burned but it was the kind of pain you savored. The kind that reminded you this is what joy feels like. My head rested lazily against the soft leather of the passenger seat as I turned to steal a glance at him.
Tousled honey blonde hair
Strong jaw line
Dimple that appeared when he graced you with that panty dropping smile
"What?" He asked curiously, feeling my eyes on him.
His warm hand on my thigh squeezed twice. Our silent signal of love.
I grinned harder when he peeked at me before returning his eyes to the road. His eyes! Oh Lord! It should be illegal that a creature already so beautiful inside and out would be blessed with a rare genetic mutation, his right eye a deep brown, his left a stunning crystal blue. My heart never failed to skip a beat when I admired his heterochromia orbs.
"Whaaaat," he laughed this time.
"Oh nothing," I sighed contently. "Just admiring your beauty, Atlas James."
He shook his head, grinning, with slightly pink cheeks. His hand on my thigh moved up. Two squeezes. Another silent, I love you.
I slipped my hand in his and squeezed him back.
Life could not get better than this.
The moment my eyes had landed on Atty, I felt it.
At 16, I had dated a little. Collin, my middle school crush, blossomed when we were freshmen only to fizzle out after make out sessions that he slowly tried to push into more. Alexander, who was always the smartest in class growing up, had mustered the confidence to ask me to home coming. He was sweet and attentive. Cute in a nerdy kinda way. He had fallen way harder for me than I realized I ever would for him. After six months, I ended it, though I should have done it sooner. The way I watched his heart break in real time left me with a guilt that I felt for weeks.
After that I focused on school. My grades. Choir. My friends. They called me picky when I didn't talk about guys in our classes like my friends did. I would just shrug. We went to a small school. There were zero boys I hadn't known since Kindergarten. I knew I wouldn't find love until I got out of Kansas or at least out of the small city of Norton.
Boy was I wrong about that!
To say I was blind sighted was the understatement of the century, when Atlas James McHenry moved in next door. My mom had nudged me with her elbow when she caught me staring at him as he hauled boxes into the Arthur family farmhouse.
Mrs. Arthur had moved in with her son. At 86, it just wasn't safe for her to live alone anymore. Widowed for ten years, she'd had a good run of keeping up the large, historic home. Her son didn't want it. He'd left for the big city as soon as he hit 18 like the rest of the kids in Norton who did not dream of a life of agriculture or small business ownership.
"Go introduce yourself, Madeline," she had encouraged with a teasing grin. "It's not every day a new kid moves into Norton, and a handsome one at that!"
And she had been so right. Atlas was not only gorgeous, but athletic and creative, good with his hands. He had a heart of gold and he'd trusted me with it. Our connection felt effortless, slipping from fast friends to love, seamlessly. Sophomore to senior year had flown by having him at my side. We'd both dreamed of road tripping to the coast in a slow, meandering way. Our parents had shared that same dream for us, surprising us with the funds and the permission to cross it off our bucket list before college. It was the best graduation gift we could have ever asked for.
We were on day three of our journey, on our way to Santa Fe, New Mexico from Colorado Springs which had been our first stop. An epic off roading adventure in the beautiful landscape in Atty's jeep wrangler.
I replayed every moment so far, big and small. Waking up next to Atlas McHenry in the king sized bed of a four star hotel was at the top of my never forget this moments. His toned, naked body tangled with mine after we'd passed out in satiated, orgasmic bliss had led to the best morning sex we'd ever had. He alighted my skin with every brush of his lips, the light teasing touch of his hands left goosebumps in their wake.
"We need gas.... and I need snacks," Atty's voice jerked me out of my day dreaming.
My eyes fluttered open, hitting the glare of headlights, making me squint harshly.
"Can't blame you for being tired," he said, following the signs that promised a Stop and Go was a mile up ahead. ".... I kept you up last night." He raised his brows at me with that dreamy grin of his.
"You don't hear me complaining," I chuckled back. "I could spend the rest of my life waking up next to you."
"And you will...." he said with soft sincerity. "If you play your cards right," he added with a teasing smile.
A double hand squeeze was my response. He double squeezed my hand back. Our silent I love you... Love you more.
He pulled up to one of the many open gas pumps. I glanced out the window as he hopped out, refilling the tank. The Stop and Go was well lit with blinding fluorescent lighting, revealing the metal bars on the windows and doors. The parking lot was empty aside from 2 other cars, a minivan and a Dodge charger with enviable rims and after market upgrades. Clearly a labor of love.
"Hey, I could go for a snack. You?" I called to him.
He peeked at me through the driver's window, "I could eat."
"And maybe a slurpee.... If they have them," I added, licking my lips.
I heard him chuckle as he put the nozzle back and closed the gas cap. Next thing I knew, he was opening my door, his hand extended like a gentleman.
"If they don't have slurpees we'll drive on until we find one," he said with a sparkle in his eye.
"You spoil me," I replied grinning like a fool as I took his hand and he guided me out of the Jeep.
The door chimed as we walked in. I gravitated toward the slurpee machine immediately, tugging him by the hand eagerly. We mixed flavors like mad scientists. We settled on flaming hot cheetos and twizzlers for snacks and waited in line behind a group of guys at the check out. They looked about the same age as us. Clearly friends, buying snacks and pods for their vapes.
Atty swiped his card for our treats. A mom came out of the bathroom, holding the hand of her adorable little girl. She thanked the clerk, returning the bathroom key as Atty got his receipt. He popped the cheetos bag open as we headed out, trailing behind the mom and daughter. The door chimed as we stepped out. Atty stopped to pop a Cheeto into my waiting mouth.
Tires screeched.
A vehicle careened into the parking lot.
Guns pointed out from rolled down windows.
I had never heard gunfire so close, from such high powered weapons. It felt like time froze as my brain tried to catch up to what my eyes were seeing. I felt Atty push me to the side. I stumbled into the freezer that held bagged ice. A cold hand jerked me down to the pavement. My ears rang. I could hear the shrill screaming of a girl but she sounded far away. A women's face appeared in front of mine. She was yelling something to me but I couldn't focus, couldn't make out her words.
She shook me, "Are you ok? Are you hit?" Her words finally processed. It was the mother with the little girl.
"I'm---Im ok," I stammered as I took stock of my body.
"Oh God, Lord help us," The clerk cried from the doorway. "We need help now! People are shot! I think they're dead! Oh God! Please ma'am, hurry!" I realized he was speaking to 9-1-1, phone pressed against his ear as he panicked.
I tried to stand but my legs felt like jello, causing me to collapse back to the concrete. My heart beat wildly in my chest, "A--A--Atty?!" I screamed whipping around in a panic. My eyes landed on the carnage that the clerk was relaying to the dispatcher. The black Charger was riddled with holes, three of its doors wide open. The bodies of the young guys from in front of us in line lay motionless in pools of their own blood.
I forced my eyes away. I couldn't find him. My Atty!
"Atty!" I screamed. I crawled over to where he laid on his back on the concrete. Blood pooled from behind his head where he'd cracked it on the pavement. His hands clutched at his stomach. His chest rose and fell at an alarmingly rapid rate. "No, no, no, no," I cried desperately. My hands shook as I moved his out of the way so I could see. Blood gushed out of him, saturating his T-shirt and beginning to pool at his side as it ran down.
He'd been shot.
I applied pressure in an attempt to slow his bleeding. His eyes found mine. He was gasping despite how hard he was breathing.
"M...Maddy," he choked out. Blood dripped down his chin as it filled his mouth, "I.... Can't..... Breathe...."
"You're ok," I cried through panicked, hiccuped sobs. "You're gonna be ok. The ambulance is coming, Atty."
Tears slipped out of his eyes as he fought for air. His eyes started to lose focus, his eye lids trying to close.
"Look at me, baby," I cried, "Stay awake! Hold on .... Just hold on!"
His chest slowed. His breaths were sharp gasps.
The clerk appeared beside me on his knees, adding towels to the pressure on Atty's stomach, freeing my hands. My hand shook as I grasped Atty's, both soaked in his blood. I gave him a double squeeze. His double squeeze back was faint but it was there.
Fear filled his beautiful eyes, "I'm.....s....s...scared," he forced out between his gasps of inhalation.
"You're gonna be ok, Atty," I sobbed. "Just--" The faint sound of sirens could be heard in the air. I whipped my head around, spotting the flashing lights, "They're coming Atty! They're almost here!"
I snapped my attention back to him. The screaming of the sirens was nothing compared to the faltering gasps of the person who had my whole heart. I held his eyes, refusing to look away even for a second. I felt his grip on my hand go slack. I desperately squeezed it with both my hands. His gasps of breaths became fewer and fewer until .... they stopped. His chest was still. His eyes still held tears but he didn't blink. Panic exploded inside my chest, "No, no, no! Atty hold on!!! Baby please, no!" I screamed.
The paramedics swarmed him. Someone began pulling me away from him and I immediately began to fight, "No!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "He needs me!"
Steady arms helped me to my feet anyways, "They need space, ok? What's your name honey?" A gentle, calm voice asked. I refused to take my eyes off of Atty as they worked as a cohesive unit, all doing something to try to help him.
"Maddy," I answered, my voice quieter than I expected. Was I quiet or could I just not hear?
"Maddy are you hurt? Is any of this blood yours?"
"Blood...?" I repeated, confused. I glanced down at myself to see Atty's blood all over my clothing, my hands, smeared on my arms. "I'm .... I'm .... Fine," I answered. The sound of the stretcher caused me to snap my head up. "Atty!" I cried. "I need to stay with him!" I tried to rush to him but the lady with the gentle voice stopped me.
"Alright," she soothed. "Easy now. Maddy, you're going into shock." I began to hyperventilate. It felt like I was trying to move through quick sand to get to the ambulance.
I don't remember getting in the ambulance. The next time I blinked I was sandwiched between two paramedics, one was the gentle voice from outside. I watched as those focused on Atty flurried about as the ambulance sped toward the hospital. Their hands steady and unwavering despite the high rate of speed.
One of them spoke into a walkie on his shoulder, "No pulse ....losing too much blood....."
I tried to pay attention to his words but all I could focus on was Atty. How still he was. How utterly silent. I focused on his eyes. I prayed to God, to just see him blink.
But he didn't. He couldn't. Deep in the depths of my soul I knew
My Atty was gone.
