Chapter 1
HONESTLY, I AIN'T NEVER BEEN the type to fall in love so quickly. There was something about Jahmir that made loving him just so easy. The energy that radiated from him made me feel so soft and warm; it made it easier to lean on him. Or maybe it was just me, falling into a place of complacency because of how easy it was. Either way, easy was better.
"Where do you want to put the boxes?" I asked while resting against the armrest of the brown leather couch.
Jahmir swooped in, taking the box from my hands, "You can rest yourself while I bring your things in. There's no need to work yourself when you have work tonight." He insisted as he sat the box behind the sofa.
His warm hands cupped my cheeks as he leaned my head back. His face upside down from my position, his lips melted into mine as he kissed me. The scent of warm cinnamon and bourbon entrapped me in the sensual movement of his lips before he drew away.
"Whatever you say, baby but I'll be right here if you need my help." I told him before he dipped out the door again.
It was my first time living with a partner of mine, since I had lived on my own since college. It was a new experience of its own and I couldn't describe the new emotions that filled me. I questioned the new living arrangements; how should I act or how would he. Spending the night was different than waking up and not leaving.
"You don't have much, surprisingly. I thought that you'd want to keep more of your things." He breathed sitting down a larger box in the middle of the floor.
I smiled and shrugged, "This is a new chapter for me, maybe I wanted to leave some things behind." I chuckled.
It wasn't a lie; all the things I've collected in my previous home were from people that were no longer in my life. I didn't want to bring old baggage into something fresh and new. I only hope that this chapter could beginning of a new book of life.
"Go ahead and order dinner, I'll be done in a bit and then I can help you put things away." Jahmir smiled as he lingered next to the door.
"Have a taste for anything or does it matter?" I asked.
"Surprise me," he answered.
I toed off my shoes, pulling my legs onto the couch as I got comfortable and scrolled down the delivery app. Something easy to eat would be ideal, that wouldn't leave a lingering scent either. The options were minimal but the best I could manage an appetite for was some burger and wings, with fries and a milkshake since it was warmer today than it was the previous day.
After placing the order, she noticed that Jahmir had brought in the last of her things. The mere six boxes that I had compiled in the last eight years of my life looked so minimalistic in a way, all compacted into brown boxes. It was almost a contemplating thought to go through everything once more to see if I could rid myself of more things that could be labeled as unnecessary for this new stage in life.
"So, take a guess of what I just found?" Jahmir appeared behind me.
I shifted and turned around coming face to face with the bright pink adult toy in his grasp. My mouth opened, unable to verbalize the thought that ran through my mind. Instinctively I reached out for it, but he pulled it just out of my reach as he grinned.
"I think we can put it to good use tonight." He suggested with a teasing smile. "If I knew you were into that, I'd introduced you to my own toys sooner."
"I'm down for whatever you are, babe." I responded with the same level of interest.
As we waited for the food to be delivered, he showed me a full tour of his home to his home library that had an entire wall to floor bookcase. The thick, mahogany wood shined as if they were just recently dusted and polished. There was a nook next to the window and two chairs across from it.
"This is just beautiful, and you have a lot of books as well." I looked to him while he admired the space as well.
"I invested a little too much in my hobby, but I'll make space for your books too when I have time." He said, taking my hand and leading me into the next room.
The flawlessly dark emerald walls stood out against the ivory wood of the furniture. I was speechless when stepping further inside to see that there was a large bay window. It was surrounded with various hanging plants of different lengths.
"Oh this is gorgeous, is this the guestroom?" I asked as my fingertips glide across the furniture.
"It's your bedroom, just because we live together doesn't mean we have to give up our personal space." He states.
Still at a loss for words, I aimlessly walked around the room, the thought of separate rooms didn't come across my mind. Circling back to the bedroom door and Jahmir waited for an answer, an expression, anything to signal my feelings. All I could muster up was a smile, not a full one just one that barely reach my eyes.
"I do appreciate the thought, but I was under the expression that we'd be closer." I glance back into the room.
"Baby, it's here when you want it. When you get tired of me trying to bury myself within your skin, that's all." He stretched out an arm, reaching out to pull me in.
I allowed him to freedom to reign me into his chest, as his head cradled between my neck and shoulder inhaling deeply. I let out a short laugh as his breath tickled. Leaning my head back, I lavished in his embrace, in his world because it was now something to call ours.
"I just want you to be comfortable, that's all. Now for the main attraction, close your eyes." He instructed as his warmth slipped away.
Holding his hand as he led me to our next stop, excitedly waiting for what else it could be. I've been inside his bedroom so many times to count, it couldn't be a surprise at this point. His footsteps are light as they come in contact with the hardwood flooring of the hallway, it was almost as if he wasn't there at all.
"Okay," he said, the clicking of a door opening and cool air flowing out met with my face. "Open your eyes."
"Wait, this is just your room, Jah." I chuckled.
"Our room, obviously the changes aren't seen through the naked eye. Look at this." He pulled me into the room.
The first stop was the bed, he picked up a pillow and held it up to me. "A satin pillowcase?" I questioned.
"Cause you sleep rough as hell, your bonnet falls off." He explained.
I laughed, covering my mouth with my hand, "Well it's appreciated, baby." I told him.
We then moved to the opposite side of the bed, and he motioned toward the nightstand. I reached out and opened it to empty drawers. Shaking my head, I smiled as I looked to him.
"You made space for me," I acknowledged.
"Had to make sure you know that this is our space now. But I have a feeling you're going to like the next stop better." He maneuvered around me and walked to the closet.
"Let me guess, you gave me the entire closet?" I guessed with a roll of my eyes as I followed him across the room.
As my eyes found him, they were instead fixed on another door next to the one I was for sure was his closet. The other door seamlessly fitted into the wall, the doorknob stuck out, a dark, cool grey. As I twisted the knob, I opened the door to a spacious closet that I could walk into, move around and more.
"You had a closet built, just for me?" I turned to Jahmir. "You didn't have to do all that,"
"But I wanted to, Imani, I wanted you to feel like this was your home too." He turned to me with a more of a serious expression as he took my hand in his, "I love you more than anything, more than anyone I've ever had in my life, past and present. I don't say that all so lightly either."
His declaration of his feelings felt a little more different that his usual. I couldn't explain it or place a finger on how it made me feel but my skin ran cool as he stared at me. A simple nod would do the trick, but my body froze under his intense stare.
"I love you too, and I appreciate all that you went through to make me feel at home." I caressed his jawline.
I leaned inward, resting my hand against his chest. His chest slightly rising and dropping as he breathed; I smiled and dragged my thumb across his chin.
"I love it."
If I knew that my words could be used against me even with the rights to speak freely if, I had known what I knew that love could be a bomb to detonate my entire reality with just a few murmurs of passion, I don't think that I'd want it as bad as I thought I did.
Later that evening, cooking in the kitchen, I've done the task countless times already. But tonight felt different with the ambiance of the music, lit candles and the aroma of the meal all mixed together. It was a sensual event that led to fully bellies in more than one sense.
"Do you want a drink?" Jahmir asked from the distance of the cooler. "We have variety."
I glanced over my shoulder, smiling, the kind that I'd usually hide because it shows of the little gap in my front teeth. Looking at two of the options he held up I nodded toward the bottle of red wine before turning back to the stove. I watched the water boil and the waves upon waves moved rapidly inside the pot, a glass appeared in front of my face, and I wrapped my hand around the stem taking it from Jahmir as he hovered around.
"It smells good, I didn't know you liked making homemade ravioli," he commented as he wrapped an arm around my waist.
"Something I got into a while back; I knew a chef that taught me a few things." I shrugged leaning against his chest.
"Well that gives me more to look forward to coming home every night. Other than you, that is." He chuckled kissing the back of my neck before he withdrew.
I hummed, another aspect I didn't consider was our work. I've been working from home for what felt like ages, but it's only been just five years. Jahmir would be gone from five in the morning til' ten at night or later. I knew that our schedules would clash on most days, but we made it work so far.
"I've been meaning to ask you something, about the garden in the back. Do you have a gardener to take care of it?" I asked.
When a response didn't come, I turned off the boiling water and shifted around to face him. He was staring down at the wine bottle on the counter, it was as if he was in sudden deep thought about the subject or another. I cleared my throat, and his eyes lifted to meet mine.
"Would you like to take care of the garden? I mean, I usually did myself as a way to wind down on my days off. I hope you don't mind if I kept it for myself."
The overly formal tone caught me by surprise, I lifted my glass of wine to my lips. Dark and sweet, I could taste a hint of plum too. I nodded, tilting my glass with a shrug before turning away. Even though I could still feel his eyes on me for a while, I ignored it.
At least I know I can get through anything with just ignoring a problem. Even the little, unsettling problems, they'll go away eventually. I drained the water from the pasta, leaving some aside for further use and then added the homemade sauce into the pot.
Wrinkles settled between my brow as I frowned, seeing that it was much too stiff than I wanted it to be. After adding in the leftover water, I moved about the area and added the seasonings. Stalling in front of the cabinet, I bit the nail of my thumb as I raked over the selections and noticed there was no thyme.
"Missing anything?"
My spirit jumped from the closeness of Jahmir's voice, I stepped back and bumped into his chest before turning towards him. He held my shoulders, keeping me in place as we both stared at the shelf. I didn't hear him get over here, but there's no point in overthinking.
"There's no Thyme." I pointed out.
"Oh, I guess ran out and forgot to restock. It's fine without it, right?" Jahmir hummed, planting his chin on top of my head.
It's fine.
After plating our food, sitting at the table across from each other, I couldn't help but notice how different he is at night. His mood and aura is much darker than what I'm used to, but he still clings to me as normally. Perhaps the day was long, and he's already drained, surely it would be the answer.
"I'm going out for a bit tonight, just some work I want to finish." He murmured.
"Work? Isn't it your off day?" I inquired.
"A personal project I'm working on. I'll be back, won't be gone too long." He said without bothering to look up from his meal.
"Give me a call when you make it to where you need to be, alright?" I requested.
He gave a subtle nod, and the quietness ensured once more as we enjoyed dinner together for our first night together. I didn't want to complain or nag, but work is work. Who was I to dictate his hours?
The next fifteen minutes were just mere moments of chatting about the future, planning, and corny jokes about domestic life. I never pictured it in a positive way, at least not for myself but the years changed me in some way, not so sure how I came to this new thinking.
"Would you ever decide to not work?" Jahmir asked.
"Not work? I don't see that for myself, maybe I'll finally start my own business, but I can't see myself not working." I explained.
"Well, that's even better. Mrs. CEO?" He hummed.
"Mrs.?" I smiled, "We'll see about that."
"It does have a nice ring to it, doesn't it." Jahmir wiggled his brows, "Speaking of rings, do you have a dream ring?"
I placed my fork down, "Are you already planning a proposal?" I teased.
"Who knows what the future holds, perhaps it's just thinking ahead." He shrugged.
"I don't have one in mind, but if I do think of something I'd let you know."
Jahmir chuckled, "Good, but baby, this was good. I enjoyed it way more than anything else you've made." He wiped his mouth and reached for the wine glass.
"I'm glad, do you want to help me with the dishes?" I raised a brow.
Some would call this the honeymoon phase, when everything is sunshine and rainbows in the relationship in a new stage. I don't believe in the honeymoon phase; everything is more so an act until the curtain finally close and true colors are revealed. Depending on the actor, there may or may not be a next act.
"Of course, but since you cooked without my help, I'll clean." He stated as he rose from the chair.
"Oh? Okay."
He picked up my plate, leaning down further and kissed my lips. Still, it's a charade, living together with someone is a whole charade life event. Jahmir has had exes and roommates in the past that he's lived with. It would be easy for him to bend to other's living habits.
"You know, you don't have to walk on eggshells around me."
Jahmir laughed, "What's that supposed to mean?" He asked.
"You don't have to pretend to be the perfect boyfriend. We're all human, be yourself." I encouraged.
"I don't think you'd like me if you knew the real me, but who's to stay this isn't part of the real me? Everyone have parts of themselves that they show others that some don't have the privilege to see." He expressed.
I don't know why what he said made me feel some kind of way. Did I not have the privilege to see the whole of him? Why not?
"Oh yeah? Then who really are you, Jahmir Tatum?" I hummed, leaning back in my seat.
He glanced back smiling, "I'm whoever you need me to be, baby, whatever you need, I'm that." He said cockily.
I rolled my eyes, "Well, thank you so much, could you be a masseuse when you get back home? I think I pulled a muscle when loading things up today." I half-heartedly joked.
"Absolutely, just give me two or three hours and I'll be right on back."
I flipped my phone over to check the time, it would be at least one o'clock in the morning when he returned. Usually, I wouldn't mind if he was late, but being here alone overnight didn't sit all that good with me but I swallowed it and nodded.
