What is your opinion?
Betrayed Trust
"This a is a very well written, most enjoyable novel. Great story line, great characters , I enjoyed reading it."
DISAPPOINTING
"I usually don't write reviews but i had to this time to warn potential readers. This book starts off strong then plumets hard in both plot and sense. It's not a whirlwind but a wiplash. The FL is imperfect and stuggles which at first i admired a lot then the act got old when she was developing at a pace slower than a snail. I'm not gonna even bother writing about the ML. The ending was rushed and overdue at the same time. And the horrible people in the story are annoyingly vile and are the ones who actually get a happy ending, like real life ig. No offense to the author. "
Starts engagingly. Couldn't continue.
"Hi Muna, Thank you for sharing your story! The opening successfully establishes an engaging premise that immediately draws the reader to the heroine and her initial struggles. This instant investment is a huge credit to your writing. However, as the story progressed, structural issues related to character development became apparent. Focusing on the three points below will dramatically strengthen the story’s conflict and character arc. ##1. Character Agency and The Failure to Evolve## The most significant structural issue is that the heroine’s initial "nice girl" routine quickly transitions into passivity. This risks disappointing readers who look for a protagonist who actively drives the plot, rather than one who merely endures circumstances. **Distinguishing Kindness from Passivity: It is crucial to incorporate clear differentiation between a character who is kind and resilient and one who is a pushover who lacks healthy boundaries. The inability to assert herself or establish those boundaries, choosing instead to remain passive, becomes highly frustrating from the reader's perspective. **The Unearned Rescue: The plot relies too heavily on external forces (or the love interest) to resolve the heroine’s core psychological or physical problems. This limits her agency (her ability to make choices that affect the plot) and reduces the dramatic payoff. Disappointment arises when the character is shown waiting for a relationship to provide healing instead of engaging in active self-improvement. **The Unfair Contract (Lack of Growth): The primary reason for reader investment is the promise of character growth. When a character remains in the same passive, self-pitying emotional state halfway through the book, the narrative fails to uphold that promise. Continuing reading under such gruelling circumstances is structurally unwarranted, as the investment is not rewarded with meaningful change. ##2. Conflict Strategy: The Problem of Martyrdom## The emotional state depicted—including self-pity and the tolerance of abuse—occupies too much narrative space without being channeled into active conflict or necessary, believable constraints. **Passive Conflict: The narrative focuses on the MC's pathetic emotional state, which is written from a point of view of weakness, not strength. It is crucial to incorporate her struggling actively against her situation. If she continues to tolerate an abusive job or living situation, the narrative needs to provide believable, powerful constraints that logically force her to stay. Otherwise, the tolerance of abuse appears to be a passive choice, and the martyr routine becomes exhausting. **Logical Gaps: Once the heroine attains success (e.g., financial stability), her continued tolerance of the abusive environment becomes illogical. The story needs a clear, high-stakes reason why she cannot simply sell the house or quit the job, even after achieving success. ##3. Narrative Distance and Emotional Rigor## It is crucial to maintain a clear narrative distance between the author's emotional state and the character's journey. **Voice Overriding Character: The intense emotional narration of the character’s heartbreak feels overly present and unexamined. [[[This makes the character feel less like a well-rounded protagonist and more like a thinly veiled expression of an unaddressed personal longing for resolution]]]. **The Unexamined Wound: If the heroine has experienced deep trauma or heartbreak, as is the case here, the story should explore the psychological journey of dealing with that wound. Writing a story where she relies on external love to fix everything is a depressing simplification of human resilience, missing the opportunity to depict powerful internal struggle. To create a truly empowering and engaging story, it is crucial to incorporate a heroine whose journey is defined by her active internal and external fight to overcome her circumstances, rather than her capacity for endurance."
